


See Me in a Different Light

by kylarileiza



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: 358/2 Days Manga inspired, AkuRoku - Freeform, Aqua & Terra & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts) Are Family, Axel is clueless, Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) Appreciation, Eventual Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), F/M, Hurt Ventus (Kingdom Hearts), KH3 spoilers, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) Has Issues, Roxas is 19, Sad Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Shady Yen Sid, Slow To Update, Some attempts at humor, Spoilers, Takes place roughly one and half years after events in KH3, Unreliable Narrator, Will eventually go into khux lore if I get that far, trying to stay as canon compliant as possible, wanted to see Roxas be the one pursuing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-11-12 03:45:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18003182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylarileiza/pseuds/kylarileiza
Summary: Roxas is desperate to make Axel finally understand that he's not some kid that needs to be looked after.  He wants Axel to see him a different way, but is at a loss how to accomplish this. Xion is along for the ride and always has an ear to offer. Meanwhile Axel is usually absent as Yen Sid is still requiring training at his tower.  Everyone is mystified as to why Ventus doesn't age and should they be worried?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by some of the Days manga as well as the games. Not beta'd. Ventus will be popping up as well eventually. Enjoy! I hope!

"Hey, Roxas!" A wide grin stretched across his face as Roxas turned towards him, trying and failing to hide his surprise at Axel's presence. Roxas's eyes lit up when he realized it really was Axel standing there before him. The sun was starting to dip below the horizon of Twilight Town and Axel was quite the sight against that backdrop.

"Welcome back!" Roxas managed to get out cheerfully after he stared for a moment. Axel had been away for what felt like forever, spending the last three months in Yen Sid's tower, training. It irritated Roxas that Axel hadn't just trained with him in Twilight Town, but when Yen Sid sent you summons, you didn't ignore them. "How'd the training go?"

Axel shrugged and called to his Keyblade. It was flashier than before and the flames danced even brighter than his previous summons. It was almost as fiery as the chakrams had been. Roxas would be the first to admit it was still weird to see Axel fight without calling upon the chakrams. A part of him missed seeing the discs materialize in his friend's hands. Axel's smile widened as he finished showing off his Keyblade and it vanished back into the night, sparks lighting up the sky as though fireflies were flitting about him. "It went well. I get to take a break."

"A _break?!_ You gotta go back?"

Axel rolled his eyes and put on a grumpy face, but they both knew it was for show. "Yes, some of us really have to work at it. It's not like it was my first weapon, you know?" He scratched the back of his neck. "How's it been going here?"

"Well, I grew even more," Roxas beamed at him, indicating the shortening difference in their height spans.

An odd look flashed through Axel's eyes, but he chuckled anyway. "Yeah, you have. What do you know. You're practically an adult."

Roxas wasn't pleased. "I _am_ an adult, Axel," he scolded, trying to tamper down on the irritation he felt rising within at Axel's comment.

Axel just snorted. "Sure. Let's get ice cream." With that, he burst into laughter, but they both headed to the ice cream shop. Roxas was still annoyed, but didn't comment further. He wondered if Axel would ever view him as an adult. Over the past year and a half, he was beginning to doubt it. There was a dull ache in his chest when he thought about it too hard or too long.

After purchasing the ice cream, they headed towards the clock tower, making small talk. As he sat down Axel asked about the others. "Is anyone else going to be joining us up here? Xion? Isa? Hayner, Pence, Olette?" He was used to having parties on the edge of the clock tower. Thankfully, no one had fallen off.

Roxas shrugged. "I don't know. No one's sent me any messages on the gummiphone and I wasn't planning to come up here today. I didn't know you'd be here." He took his phone out and shook it lightly. "You know, this thing you have? That you never use?"

"Ugh, that's too much effort," Axel complained, grimacing at the sight of the phone. "There's so much on it, I get confused."

Roxas chuckled. "Stop acting like some old man."

"Hey!" Axel hit him lightly on the shoulder and Roxas pushed his arm away playfully. "I guess I can use it later to let Isa and Xion know I'm back."

Roxas nodded as he put his phone away, trying to ignore that twinge of jealousy in his chest that always blossomed when Isa was around or when Axel just said the guy's name. He decided to tactfully change the subject. "Did you get to see Ven, Aqua, or Terra while training?"

Axel laughed with a shake of his head. "Why? Are you two wanting to parent trap Aqua and Terra again? I can't believe you and Ven did that to them. That was a good time."

"You never know."

 _"Weeeelllll,"_ Axel said and drew the word out for emphasis. "You're going to be out of luck on that."

Roxas tilted his head. "What do you mean? You didn't see them?"

Axel shifted and that odd look returned to his eyes. "Yeah. I did. That's just it. Even though _you've_ been growing, Ven… _hasn't._ It's really strange."

Roxas blinked hard and long, unsure if he'd heard right. "W-what?! I know I was taller than him last time I saw him, but I just thought by now he would have. Are you serious?! He still hasn't grown at all since….." Roxas trailed off as they always hated saying the rest of that sentence.

"'Since Sora?'" Axel finished for him, heaviness in his tone. It had been nearly two years since they'd seen Sora. Riku and Kairi had both gone out searching but to no avail. Master Yen Sid had insisted they all continue to train and prepare for whatever was around the corner. He'd had a bad premonition and felt it would happen within two years and they were quickly coming up on that mark. Master Yen Sid had gathered them more than once in his tower to remind them that Sora had given his life for them so they had all better get to valuing it and holding onto it.

"Yeah," Roxas murmured with a nod, his chest tightening at the thought of Sora. There was an emptiness that would always be within him with Sora's passing. He frowned, his thoughts turning back to Ventus. "Wait. But Ven really hasn't changed?"

Axel shrugged and shook his head. "No, not at all. I asked about it and he's just as confused. Aqua said it might have something to do with the way he was asleep in the locked world for over ten years, but it's just really strange. He should be aging. You are. Xion is, Naminé is. Ven should be closer to mine and Isa's age."

That jealousy stabbed through Roxas again at the mention of Isa but he pushed it aside, focusing on the information regarding Ventus. "That is strange. Did you ask Master Yen Sid about it?"

Axel rolled his eyes and finished his ice cream. "Yeah, I asked the old man. He just talked in riddles and said it was because Ven was lightness and from a different time, whatever that means. I know he was comatose for over ten years, but I don't think that qualifies him as being from a different time. Or excuses him not aging. That's like some real magical mumbo jumbo stuff."

Roxas looked down at the stick in his hand, the ice cream licked clean off. Winner was written on it and he smiled fondly. "I'm a winner!" He waved the stick around and stuck his tongue out at Axel when they realized that Axel was not a winner. After tucking the stick away, the conversation turned back to Ventus. "I don't know. I wonder what he meant by lightness?" He flopped back onto the tower and stared up at the darkening sky and Axel followed suit.

"I have no idea," Axel admitted honestly. "I mean, Ven can be rather naive. But I don't think that's what Master Yen Sid meant."

"Hmmm." Roxas continued to stare up at the sky, watching as stars begin to appear in the sky. He couldn't help but think the night was perfect with Axel back and hanging out with him on the clock tower like this. A sense of peace settled over him. His heart felt so full.

***

 

The next day Roxas ran into Xion while walking towards the usual spot. She was swinging her Keyblade in practice swings. He grinned widely at her. "Xion!" he waved at her excitedly. "Xion, did you hear?! Axel's back in town!"

"He is?!" Xion asked, also feeling excitement at the prospect of seeing her friend again. She stopped swinging her Keyblade, letting it hang by her side. "It's been so long. Did you see him?!"

"Yes! I ran into him last night. I told him he should have used his gummiphone to let us know he was coming back."

Xion just smiled fondly at the thought of Axel getting frustrated with the phone and throwing it to the ground. "He's never been fond of the technology," she murmured softly, sadness in her eyes. Just like Sora. It was left unspoken, but Roxas knew what she was thinking. After a second, she added, "I wonder if Isa has seen him yet."

Roxas tried not to grimace at the name. "I don't know," be muttered. Xion immediately noticed the shift in his mood. She shook her head, a knowing smile playing on her lips.

"Roxas, your jealousy becomes more obvious every day."

"What?!" Roxas practically screeched, his face turning a bright red. "I'm not jealous."

Xion let out a bark of laughter, clearly amused at her friend's expense. "Yeah, you are. Your little crush is really cute, Roxas. And pretty obvious to some of us."

"W-what?" Roxas's face flushed a deeper shade of red and he wished he could sink through the floor. Xion had thrown hints at him before but he had always thought she was just teasing him.

"Come on, Roxas. Some of us are pretty perceptive like me, Naminé, Riku, and Isa."

Roxas made a face at the last name she ticked off. _"Isa?!"_ He paused for a moment before looking even more offended. "And _Riku?!"_ Of all the people to know! Naminé was fine by him, she was pretty much all knowing in his book, anyway. He really didn't like the idea of Isa or Riku being on to him. Especially Isa.

"Yes, Roxas."

After taking a minute to digest all the information, Roxas shrugged and sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter. Axel still thinks of me like some kind of kid that needs to be looked after. I don't think that'll ever change."

Xion swung her Keyblade in a swift arc straight at Roxas who immediately summoned his own two Keyblades with no thought and blocked her strike. "Xion?! What's gotten into you?!" Panic was in his voice as he could easily remember them being manipulated and pitted against each other through the mechanications of the Organization.

Xion grinned at him and drew her Keyblade back. "I don't think you need looking after, Roxas, and I'm sure Axel is aware of that."

Roxas lowered his own Keyblades but kept them at his side, still feeling a little wary. "I know that. It doesn't change that Axel doesn't think of me on the same level as him." And Isa. He left that unsaid, but Xion could easily detect the jealousy in his tone. Roxas sighed. "I don't know how to make Axel see me differently. We both know I'm the better fighter with the Keyblade. And just in general," Roxas added. "If anything, he probably needs looking after." There was a tightness in his chest again as he recalled just how self-sacrificing Axel had been through everything. It reminded him of Sora and that wasn't a quality Roxas was fond of even if it made them who they were.

Xion spun her Keyblade until it was facing the ground and then put her weight on it as she leaned towards Roxas. "Is it really that important to you, Roxas? Why do you want him to see you as something else?"

His face turned a bright red again as he wasn't expecting Xion to ask him so bluntly. "Because I…." He trailed off, unsure how to express why it was exactly. He knew why, at least his heart did, but he couldn't find the words to explain it. Not even to Xion who he trusted dearly.

Silence fell over them and Xion finally nodded. "I see. Maybe that crush isn't as little as I thought." She had always just seen it as Roxas idolizing Axel from their early days in the Organization. Axel had been the one to look after them, after all. She had started to notice little things like how pained Roxas was when Axel was away, but hadn't really stopped to truly evaluate it until now. It was all making sense now. She had always thought maybe there was more between them on Roxas's part, but then pushed the thought away, thinking she was just thinking too much into it.

That was the issue, though. As far as Xion could see it was one sided. Axel would go to the end of the world for nearly anybody he considered his friend. He'd done it for Roxas. He'd done it for Isa. He'd tried to help Xion even if it was detrimental to him. He'd saved Sora more than once. He always put others before himself. If he had truly embraced his assassin side, it'd be safe to assume he and Isa would have met their demise with the end of the Organization or even have become the leaders of the Organization. Roxas didn't protest at her words.

"Oh, Roxas," Xion said softly and didn't know how to offer any comfort because, at the end of the day, she couldn't help but agree with him. She doubted Axel would ever stop seeing them as the two kids he was assigned to baby-sit and keep out of trouble initially within the Organization. Xion didn't mind, she liked the relationship she had with Axel, but she also didn't want for anything else.

Roxas finally let his Keyblades vanish, an emptiness settling into his stomach at the words from Xion. She said no more, but she'd already said everything that needed to be said. Roxas sighed defeatedly. "I don't want to talk about it anymore." He paused and added, as an afterthought, "We'll probably have ice cream at the usual spot when the sun sets."

Xion smiled at him and tried to hide the pity in her eyes. "I'll be there. Definitely."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel has his own ship, LOL! Ah, poor guy. Enjoy!

That evening, Roxas made his way to the Clock Tower to meet Axel and Xion. He stopped abruptly at hearing Isa's voice. Roxas, despite his better judgement, stayed in the shadows listening intently to the conversation. He felt the sun on his back and hoped the light would continue to dance around him, providing cover.

"So what kind of training is Yen Sid putting you through exactly?" Isa was asking."You've been gone for months and you have to go back?" Roxas couldn't help but feel some solidarity with Isa and it annoyed him to no end. The last person he wanted to empathize with was  _Isa._

"Just Keyblade training," Axel replied lazily. Roxas's eyes narrowed at the answer and he wondered if Isa detected the discomfort in Axel's tone. He was lying.

"You're not being honest with me," Isa replied in an even tone. "What does Yen Sid have you doing for months on end? If it was truly just Keyblade training, he could just put you in that timeless place, right?" Ah, straight to the heart of the matter. Roxas felt a surge of appreciation at Isa's perceptiveness, but more irritation rose up within him as well. He just couldn't truly make himself like Isa no matter how hard he tried and he knew that was the jealousy coloring his judgement of the man.

Axel stretched his arms out over his head and shrugged at Isa's words. "Hey, I'm just doing what Yen Sid wants me to do. Who am I to question his methods? If he wants me to Keyblade train a different way, I'm going to do it."

Isa was silent for a moment before murmuring softly, so softly Roxas almost didn't hear him, "You always question methods, Lea." He turned to look Axel in the eyes. Roxas backpedaled further into the shadows, narrowly escaping Isa's scope of vision. "It's not like you to just do something because someone said so."

"Isn't it, though?" Axel asked with a frown, bringing his arms back down to his side. "Didn't I do what you always asked?"

"That's different," Isa said with a sigh.

Roxas nearly jumped a foot in the air when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped his head around so fast, heart thumping wildly in his chest, sure that Axel or Isa had caught him. Instead, Xion stared at him, a quizzical and disapproving look on her face. She pointed at the ice creams Roxas had been holding loosely in his hands. They were melting and dripping quietly on to the clock tower, splotches of the bright blue obvious against the pastels of the tower. She noted with gratitude he had managed to get four after she'd texted him that Isa might show. Didn't want this to get any more awkward with just three ice creams.

Roxas went to open his mouth to try to explain what he was doing, why he was just creeping on their two friends instead of joining them, but Xion waved his words away and swiftly took two of the ice creams from him. She shot him a brilliant, reassuring smile and walked confidently towards their friends. "Axel! Isa!" She greeted while waving the ice creams at them, Roxas following behind, trepidation in his bones; was she going to tell them what he'd been up to. He'd melt right back into nonexistence on that tower ledge if she did.

"Xion!" Axel responded right away, returning her bright smile with one of his own. He spotted Roxas trailing behind her. "Roxas!" Roxas could have sworn his friend's smile was even brighter than it had been a second before, but it also could have been his mind playing tricks on him. Maybe it was just Roxas hoping he had more of an effect on Axel than Xion.

Isa was quieter in his greeting than Axel. "Good evening, Xion, Roxas." He nodded to each of them as he spoke their names. Xion held out an ice cream for each of them.

"Sorry, we got a little distracted so they melted some," she explained sheepishly as they took the ice cream. Roxas handed Xion the extra one he held in his hand and was about to take his seat in his usual spot between Axel and Xion but the next words from Axel left him too stunned to respond or move.

"Oh, were you kids fooling around before you got up here?" He teased them, completely unaware of how everyone tensed around him at his question. Isa's eyes shot straight over to Roxas to gauge the reaction. Axel went on, "Buy the ice cream afterwards next time, okay?"

Xion felt herself go a bit red at what Axel was hinting at and her stomach dropped a little. She was sure Roxas must feel like he'd just been punched in the gut. He stood rigidly where he was, blinking hard, unsure what to say in response. Xion let out a nervous laugh, hoping it didn't sound too fake even though it was the most forced laugh she'd ever let out in her short life. "No, Axel, we weren't flirting," she tried to correct him as Roxas finally sat down stiffly. "There is someone I flirt with and it's  _not_ Roxas."

Axel playfully punched Roxas on the shoulder. "Aw, man, Roxas, gotta step up your game." Roxas only shook his head and shrugged Axel's hand off, taking a bite of his ice cream, trying to ignore how bitter it tasted in his mouth. Isa finally decided to take pity on the younger duo and change the subject since Axel was way past the point of tactless. Axel really had no clue.

"Did Little Chef stop you to ask about the ice cream?" Isa asked, giving Roxas and Xion a way out of the hole they were digging themselves deeper in. Roxas gave a short nod and relief was on every feature of Xion's face at Isa's words. She nodded gratefully at him.

"Yes, we were stopped about the ice cream." They all knew Little Chef had been working to duplicate the recipe as a dessert at the bistro since it was so popular. They had offered to buy the ice cream shop out a couple times but the owner didn't want to sell. Isa himself suspected the ice cream shop might be influenced by Maleficent so he was hoping Little Chef would be able to create a recipe that duplicated or even improved upon the ice cream. Xion finished off her ice cream. It'd been a quick treat since so much of it had melted. "What have you two been up to?"

"We were just talking about Lea's Keyblade training," Isa filled them in. Roxas's hands gripped the ice cream stick a little tighter at the name, _Lea._  He knew that was Axel's given name, but he hated it when Isa said it. It didn't bother him when Ven said it, but it irked Roxas to hear Isa say it and he knew it was that jealousy showing it's colors again.

"How is that going?" Xion inquired, full attention on Axel. Axel rolled his shoulders again and Roxas saw that flash of discomfort in his posture, his tone slightly defensive when he responded to Xion.

"It's going fine. Just a lot to learn," Axel tried to keep his voice as casual as possible but they all knew he didn't want to talk any more about it.

"Well, if you need help training, we're here!" Xion assured him, indicating her and Roxas. "I'm always up for a spar and I'm sure Roxas is, too."

Axel's eyes brightened at this. "Oh, cute! I wouldn't want to interrupt your sparring dates!"

Roxas stood up suddenly, losing his grip on his ice cream stick and it fell unceremoniously down the tower. Xion bit her lip. Axel looked up at Roxas in surprise. "Are you okay? You just lost your stick. What if it was a winner?"

Roxas took a sharp intake of breath and shook his head. "I doubt it," he muttered. "I have to go. I just remembered something."

"Oh!" Axel looked around, taking in the setting sun. "Hope everything's okay. Do you need help?"

Roxas shook his head. "It's fine." With that, he left the group. Axel shot Xion a questioning look.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Isa shook his head at Axel's words. Xion's eyes widened and her mouth dropped. " _Axel!"_ she exclaimed. "We're  _not_  seeing each other, dating each other, or any of that. It's nothing like that."

"But you guys look so cute together!"

"Oh, dear god," Isa murmured as Xion also stood, looking at a loss for words.

"I, uh, I. Naminé texted me. I actually need to go and see her and Riku. They had a couple questions about Sora." Axel perked up at this, eyes turning serious at Sora's mention.

"What kind of questions? Are they getting somewhere with their search?"

Xion wanted to kick herself. She really was just jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. She'd just made it all up on the spot and heaven help her if Axel really asked Naminé and Riku about this.

Isa rescued her again. "They're just asking general questions. They've been asking everyone." It was only partially a lie. The two and Kairi had been asking everyone a lot of questions. The group was in town for the week. Isa just knew that Xion was lying to get away.

"Okay, catch ya later then," Axel gave her a wave and watched as she walked off. He looked over at Isa, a bit puzzled. "Do you think she and Roxas were just trying to get away? They really would make an adorable couple."

Isa hung his head. "Oh, poor fool."

Axel had enough grace to be offended. "Who's a fool?"

"At this point, any  _one of_ you three. I'm not sure who the poorest fool even is, but you're _all_  poor fools."

Axel rolled his eyes and tsked with his tongue. "Well, takes one to know one."

Isa folded his hands in his lap and a sadness flickered in his eyes, making Axel immediately regret his words. Isa nodded. "Yes. Maybe I'm the poorest fool of them all."

"Isa…"

*******

"Roxas!" Xion cried out in relief as she found Roxas by the old mansion. She had been searching the last hour for him. He hadn't responded to any of her gummiphone texts and she was worried. He was sitting just outside the grounds, perched up in a tree. She had honestly started to fret he might just vanish into the night, never to be seen again.

Roxas sighed and dropped from the tree, landing gracefully next to her. "Xion, I really hope you didn't leave  _right_ after me."

Xion grinned sheepishly. "Well, we are basically a power couple in Axel's book so it's not like it matters. I didn't leave right after you, though. I tried to stay, but it just got even more awkward. I told them I had to see Riku and Naminé." She let loose a sign of her own. "I guess I should go visit them so I'm not a complete liar." A few moments of silence lapsed between them. "I'm sorry," she offered meekly, unsure what else to say.

"Not your fault," Roxas was quick to assure her. Xion knew that, but she still couldn't help but feel badly about it all. He leaned up against the tree and stared up at the stars. "I just- I gotta find a way to make him see me differently. For him to realize that…"

"To realize what?" Xion prompted, wondering if Roxas would admit what she suspected.  _That you're in love with him?_

Roxas shrugged his shoulders, still having trouble splicing through all his emotions despite the last year and a half of adjusting to them. Sometimes, he wondered if he'd picked up on too many of Sora's feeling from that merger he'd forced. Other times, he wondered if he'd accidentally picked stuff up from Ventus and, still, other times, he wondered if he shared more feelings with Xion than he cared to.

He just wanted to be his  _own_ person, outside of everyone else he had these intense connections with.

 _Ven._ He straightened suddenly. "I think I'm going to visit the Land of Departure."

Xion frowned. "You want to visit Ven, Aqua, and Terra?" She was surprised. Even though they'd made a few trips, usually the other three visited everyone at Twilight Town or Destiny Islands. Plus, while Roxas was always willing to visit with them, she knew he still felt a bit odd around Ventus. The first couple meetings with them had been extremely awkward especially on Ventus's part. Ven was already naive and a little too innocent for his own good so he was confused how Roxas had taken on his appearance.

It was an understandable thing to be concerned about, but Roxas had been understandably defensive. However, Ven also liked to get along with everyone so he quickly learned to roll with the punches and begged Roxas to switch places with him a couple times to trick Aqua and Terra. It was cute how they acted as Ven's parents despite not being old enough to have a child his age. After being encouraged by Xion and Axel, Roxas had agreed and had actually had quite a bit of fun switching with Ventus. They had even done it a couple times with Xion not even realizing. She'd been a bit jealous that Axel had known right away.

"Yes," Roxas confirmed with a nod of his head. "Maybe I can talk this out with Ven, too. See what he says. Also," Roxas frowned, mulling over how exactly to say the next part, "Axel said he hasn't aged since we last saw him." A part of Roxas wondered if Axel saw the two together, if it would change anything. Not to mention, Roxas was growing more concerned about Ven. A visit would help settle some of the worry.

"That was nearly five months ago!" Xion exclaimed. "He  _still_ hasn't aged any?" There had been a few awkward moments at Destiny Islands beach when they'd all met up and everyone had realized Ventus still hadn't aged. Aqua and Terra were protective and defensive of him and Xion suspected that's why they had been visiting less and less over the last several months. Ventus was creating too many questions among everyone. Aqua blamed herself, but Xion had seen sleeping spells before and it didn't seem like this should really be a side effect. At least, not after the person had awoken. "Can I come to?" She always enjoyed learning from Aqua and visiting with Terra and Ventus. Ven was like Sora in some ways, much more than she or Roxas and Xion appreciated the familiarity that Ven provided.

"Might as well."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hopefully not too many typos. Enjoy!)

Axel tilted his head to make sure he'd heard Roxas right. "You're going to the Land of Departure?" It was well known that Roxas wasn't overly fond of traveling. He preferred to stay in Twilight Town and liked it when others visited him. Probably because he felt like so much in the universe had worked towards trying to take it all away from him.

"Yeah, I'd like to see Ven."

"It's probably going to be real trippy for you. He hasn't grown at all and you have a few inches on him at least." Roxas held back from making any comments despite desperately wanting to.  _Would seeing us side by side make you realize I'm not some child? I've never truly been….._ After all, Roxas's existence essentially had him missing out on all of childhood, springing into existence at the age of fifteen, almost sixteen.

"I know. I'm curious about it, though." He genuinely was. As far as he knew, Ventus should be aging. Was there actually magical mumbo jumbo stuff going on like Axel had thought. Was it because Ventus had never truly been a Nobody and his heart and body had been put on pause for so long?

Axel ran a hand through his fiery locks, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "About last night at the clock tower, sorry if I made things awkward. Isa said I was being an idiot."

Of course it would be Isa. Roxas pushed down the irritation he felt at just the name, remembering how Xion had said Isa knew of Roxas's feelings towards Axel. He was sure Isa must be enjoying the show. He so wished he could ask if there was something more between the two or if they were really just best friends. Had they always been? But then Roxas was a best friend and he wanted more. Did Isa want what he wanted with Axel or vice versa? The very thought ate Roxas up inside. They had way more history than his with Axel. Surely, Isa would have told him if he was aware of Roxas's feelings?

Roxas shrugged it all off, keeping his voice steady. "It's fine. I just wasn't feeling very well."

Concern was immediate in Axel's eyes and tone. "You're not sick, are you? Should you be traveling if you're unwell?"

That ache sharpened in Roxas's chest at the instant concern and the knowledge that Axel didn't mean it as anything more than a concerned friend. "I feel fine now," he assured.

Axel still didn't look convinced. "You're not going alone, are you?"

If it had been anyone else to ask, Roxas would have been insulted, but he knew Axel meant well. Still, after last night, he hated the next words to leave his mouth. "Xion is coming, too." He dreaded the response he might get.

Axel shifted uncomfortably, still unsure if Roxas's abrupt exit from their get together the night before had been due to his teasing about him and Xion as a couple. He really did think they looked cute together and hadn't meant to offend. "That's good. Ven will appreciate the company and you shouldn't travel alone if you're not feeling well."

"I'm fine, really," Roxas repeated, then added, "besides, I'm more worried about  _you_  traveling alone and spending months with Master Yen Sid."

There was a quick flash of weariness and maybe even regret in those green eyes, so quick that Roxas would have missed it if he'd blinked. Axel offered up a tight smile. "Ha, I got years on you. I'll be okay." There it was again, that yawning age gap that stayed between them no matter how much Roxas aged. Would be have to be in his thirties before Axel saw him differently? Or would he still view him as the baby-sitting charge he'd been assigned to watch over from their Organization days even then? He knew Axel thought of him as a best friend, but they never felt on even ground to Roxas.

"When are you going back?"

"This evening."

"What?! I thought you'd be here for the week."

Axel shrugged."Me, too, but Master Yen Sid wants me back sooner." He paused. "When are you going to visit Ven?"

"I guess we'll go tomorrow. Was going to wait until after you left, but since you're leaving early…." he sighed, a deep heaviness weighing on him. "I hate when you're not here, Axel. How much longer do you think this will take with Yen Sid?"

Axel put his hands on his hips and smirked. "Miss me that much, huh?" he asked playfully with a wink. "Careful, Xion might get jealous!"

Roxas was too amused to be annoyed. He appreciated the sight. Axel's frame was so lithe and when he was cocky, Roxas couldn't help but feel certain parts of him perk up. Roxas also loved to see a flustered Axel and was treated to such a sight when he responded with, "Maybe she should."

Axel's face flushed as he floundered for words, not quite sure he'd understood correctly, he'd been waiting to hear  _as if_ or  _in your dreams._ He chuckled awkwardly. "You flatter me," he said quietly with that fondness in his voice and Roxas knew he hadn't gotten the message clearly. Axel cleared his throat. "I should go. I still need to say bye to Isa." He smiled at Roxas."Stay safe while I'm away."

Roxas nodded. " _You_  stay safe."

**o~0~o**

"We're really here.  _The Land of Departure,"_ Xion gushed. The air was so clean here and the world seemed to shine with ancient wonders.

"Roxas! Xion!" An enthusiastic voice that was unmistakably Ven's greeted them. It was bright and light, an odd contrast to Roxas's darker, more serious one. Ventus was running towards them, waving his arms excitedly at the duo. He skidded to a stop a few feet short of them, Roxas half expecting him to jump on him. "I'm so happy you're here! It's been awhile since anyone visited," his light lisp becoming more noticeable the faster he spoke.

Roxas grinned fondly at him. He opened his arms and Ventus jumped right into the hug before throwing himself at Xion, who also gave him an affectionate smile and hug. Concern knotted in Roxas's stomach. Axel was absolutely correct. This was trippy. Roxas had a good five, maybe even six inches on Ventus. Xion was a few inches taller, too. Why hadn't Ven grown any or aged for that matter? He looked exactly as he had that first day Roxas had seen him in the Keyblade Graveyard. Roxas himself had a thinner face and more muscle along with the height. Ven's face was still full with some noticeable baby fat that Roxas had shed long ago.

Ventus backed up and beamed at them. "You both look even older than last time I saw you. And you're both taller." He turned towards Roxas, smile still stretched across his face. "Maybe I'll hit a growth spurt soon, too, and we can start fooling people again!" Before Roxas could reply, he waved towards the castle. "Aqua and Terra can't wait to see you. They've been cooking all day!" He practically skipped ahead with Roxas and Xion trailing slightly behind.

"He really is adorable, isn't he?" Xion asked, her eyes not leaving Ventus.

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, he still acts so young, though."

"Could just be he's happy and not stressed?" Xion suggested. Roxas said nothing.

Ventus stopped at the door and waited for the pair to catch up. He pushed it open effortlessly and held it open for them before pushing it back into place. Xion sucked in a breath at the inside of the quaint castle. "I know I've seen it before but it's always so beautiful."

"It is gorgeous," Ventus said agreeably, practically glowing with pride at the compliments his home was getting.

Scents from the kitchen wafted throughout the building as Ventus showed the two around since it had been a few months since they'd been by. Not much had changed, but Roxas and Xion both found it endearing how comfortable Ventus wanted them to be.

Roxas found his stomach knotting up tighter and tighter the more they spoke with Ventus. Xion, on the other hand, looked more and more comfortable. On their way to the kitchen, she smiled serenely at their friend. "I like being around you, Ven. I know this might sound silly, but I feel almost like I'm with Sora and it feels like I'm at peace." Her face showed some of the embarrassment she felt at allowing herself to be so vulnerable, but she knew if anyone would understand her connection with Sora, it would be Ventus and Roxas.

Roxas nodded. "It does feel kind of like Sora's presence is with us when we're with you."

Ventus just grinned at them. "Thanks, I know what you guys mean. It feels like he's so nearby. I miss him so much."

Roxas and Xion both exchanged a quick glance and Roxas elaborated. "Yeah, but it feels like he's  _really_ here." Ventus shot a quick, nervous glance at Roxas before lowering his eyes quickly. Roxas frowned. "Ven, is there something you want to share?"

Ven shook his head. "No, I just. I don't know. It does feel that way, though, doesn't it?"

Aqua's voice saved Ventus from having to further explain anything. "Dinner's ready!"

Ventus hurried Roxas and Xion into the dining area, muttering that Aqua and Terra might kill him for keeping them on the house tour so long. After all, they were excited to see the pair, too. Aqua had a big smile on her face for Roxas and Xion while Terra looked both pleased and wary at their presence.

"How have you two been?" he asked politely as he helped Aqua set the table.

Xion smiled backed and gave a quick bow to show respect. "We've been good, hope you didn't go through all this trouble just for us."

"No trouble at all!" Aqua assured her. "We're excited to get the company. We've mostly been sticking close to home recently." She shot a quick glance at Ventus. Roxas and Xion knew what the unspoken words were. Roxas didn't miss the double take she did when she first saw him. Roxas was unmistakably taller than Ventus and, while they still looked similar, it would be hard to mix them up now.

"Understandable." Roxas said easily. That knot in his stomach was getting tighter and tighter when he thought of Ventus. What was going on that he wasn't aging or growing? This seemed very odd. This would make Ventus really stand out to King Mickey, Master Yen Sid, and pretty much anyone who knew he existed. He'd stand out so much. Was there a reason for that?

Ven was oblivious at the table, or if he was aware, he gave no indication, excitedly commenting to Terra and Aqua how much Roxas had grown and how even Xion was taller than him. Roxas noted the flash of pain and confusion in both their eyes at Ven's comments and he knew Xion was following along as well.

Roxas knew the food was good, it smelled wonderful, but it tasted like nothing in his mouth as he listened to Ven ramble on. Ven's rambles just drove home how totally naive he truly was and Roxas wondered, not for the first time, if this was the result of being separated from Vanitas. He had wondered if the Sora look-alike had given him any trouble recently, but hadn't wanted to ask. He knew it upset Ventus to speak about Vanitas. Ventus had once told him it felt so painful to even think about Vanitas and he often cried for him.

They finished dinner, listening to Aqua tell them about a training session she'd had some years ago and how much fun it'd been. Aqua was such a calming presence as was Terra. Any time Roxas felt his anxiety over Ventus start to rise, he could just look at them and know they would do everything in their power to protect Ventus. After dinner, they were led to where their rooms would be for the night, each having their own separate room. Roxas was grateful that not  _everyone_ was assuming they were a couple as Axel had.

**o~0~o**

Ventus stared out his window, watching as a comet streaked across a clear night sky. He had been so ecstatic that Roxas and Xion had visited; the last person to visit him was Axel. Still, it had been a bit of a shock to see Roxas was so much taller than him. Xion didn't bother him as much, but Roxas still had a face that was practically identical to his, only now he was older and Ventus looked frozen in time. What was going on?

He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths, remembering all his meditation practices before, focusing on his breathing and looking deep within him.  _Sora. Are you there?_

It only took a couple moments and there was a faint response,  _Yes. Is everything okay, Ven? You seem disturbed. Is it because of Roxas?_

_Yes. I think I'm just shocked._

_Don't worry. I'm sure it's just the magic that you were under for so long or maybe it's that I'm here?_

_You can stay as long as you need. You know that._

It had happened that day on Destiny Islands beach, Ventus could still remember it with crystal clear clarity. He had been playing frisbee with Axel and Isa when they'd accidentally thrown it at Donald's sand sculpture. Ventus had tried to keep the duck calm, trying to avoid one of the angry outbursts Donald was so known for. Not even five minutes later, everyone was witnessing Kairi be returned to the beach on that tree, with Sora fading out so slowly. Ventus had panicked at the sight and reached out desperately with his heart and mind.

_Sora! Sora! Don't go!_

_Ven. I can't help it. My body is too weak to stay solid. My heart is too worn also._

_Then let your heart rest with me while your body recovers. I can't just let you vanish like this._ Ven could sense the hesitancy in Sora.  _Please. It's the least I can do._

_You don't owe me anything, Ven._

_I know. But please, just stay with me. We'll get your body some way or another._

_Just for a little while….._

A little while had turned into nearly two years now and Ventus couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty, but he didn't know where Sora's body was or how to merge them and he was terrified of telling anyone about Sora's heart hiding within him. Or maybe it was Sora who was terrified. Sora would often fret over him and there was a couple times that Ventus could have sworn Sora himself had stopped him from telling anyone else. Sora had said that he was worried they might put Ven to sleep again and that wouldn't be fair to him.

Besides, they couldn't do much without Sora's body and Sora didn't want a vessel for whatever reason. Sora had never told Ven, but only part of his heart was within the boy. The other part of his heart was in his body that was roaming around  _somewhere,_ quite literally half-heartedly. Still, Sora didn't worry and he mostly slept within Ven, only coming out when he sensed Ven in danger or when Ven reached out to him. It was odd, Sora wasn't overly concerned about time or any of that unlike everyone else. He knew his body and other half of his heart would find him.

Ven sighed as he thought of their current guests.  _Xion and Roxas can both sense you're really here. Are you sure you don't want me to tell them?_

_Yes. They'll just worry more and they're already worried about you._

Ven nodded resignedly. He hated the secrets, but he would never deny Sora's wishes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get the chapters moving along. Roxas and company should be back next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Axel approached Yen Sid's tower wearily. He had been wanting more time away. It was stressful and having to hide it from his friends only contributed to it. He was sure Isa was already onto him. Not too much got by that one. He pushed the door open and made his way to Yen Sid's office. It couldn't have been a good thing to be summoned back early like this. That meant even something Yen Sid himself didn't expect had popped up.

"Axel. Welcome back," the old wizard greeted him, no smile in his eyes. He always looked completely zoned out and it was unnerving.

"Master Yen Sid," Axel responded carefully. "You wanted me back sooner than planned." It was a useless statement. He hoped that Yen Sid would expand on why, but didn't expect him, too. The old, wizened wizard rarely did.

"Yes, I did." Master Yen Sid rubbed at his beard thoughtfully. "Another mission came up rather suddenly."

Axel's shoulders drooped. "Does it have to be me? Aren't there other people you can send?" His voice lowered with each word. He already knew the answer. The missions he didn't tell his friends about, not even Isa. He hated them.

"You were an assassin for the Organization for a little over ten years," Master Yen Sid reminded him. "We need those skills for these missions. Not flashy Keyblades or any attention drawn to the various worlds. You are surprisingly adept at achieving this."

Axel sighed. "But I don't want to be an assassin anymore. I'm not part of the Organization. I want to do Keyblade Master stuff with everyone else. And I hate keeping all this a secret from my friends. I still don't understand why I can't tell them."

Master Yen Sid wasn't impressed. "You know why, Lea. If one person knows, another might know, and then another, and then the target is tipped off. You know the nature of assassination. You completed assignments in the Organization, did you not?"

There was another sigh and Axel's shoulders slumped, he broke eye contact with the wizard and stared at the floor, feeling shame come over him. "Yeah, I did, but-" and his passion was back again, "But I didn't think I had a heart and I was trying to get back our hearts! I wouldn't have if I'd known! I thought I had to!" He didn't want to dwell on the past or those that had fallen victim to his assassinations while he was part of the Organization. They had _mostly_ been heartless with some exceptions, he always tried to reason with himself. He had trouble sleeping when he thought too much on the ones who hadn't been heartless.

Master Yen Sid nodded. "I understand why you're weary of this, Lea, I truly do. But you have the skill set required and _this_ stuff must get done as well. If not you, who? Would you like me to inquire with Roxas and Xion instead?"

Axel gritted his teeth and practically hissed, "Don't you dare!"

Master Yen Sid ran his hands across his desk. "Good. I'm glad we're at an understanding." He paused for a moment. "Since you've been expressing how much you dislike this job, I have been searching for someone for you to train and eventually take over your spot."

Warily, Axel waited for the wizard to continue, hoping against hope it wouldn't be Xion or Roxas. Axel would flip out and maybe try to take out the wizard, which would be a foolish and doomed feat. When the old man said no more, Axel asked through a dry throat, "Did you find someone?"

Master Yen Sid nodded, looking extremely pleased with himself. "Sure did. He'll be joining you on this mission. I wanted to get things started as soon as possible which is why I sent for you to return earlier than planned."

Red hair whipped around as Axel scanned every corner of the room, searching for his new partner. "Well, where is he? Or she?"

"Not in here," Master Yen Sid informed him, clearly amused by Axel's impatience. He pulled out his gummiphone and dialed a number. There was a voice that Axel didn't recognize and Yen Sid was telling the person to come into the room. A few seconds later, the door to the room opened and another joined them.

Axel stared confused at the being before him, unsure if he was seeing things correctly. "Goofy…?" he asked slowly. The guy before him looked just like Sora's friend and partner in crime, Goofy. Just maybe younger. And with more hair.

The Goofy look-alike shot him an irritated look. "No, I'm Max. Goofy is my dad."

Axel blinked hard a couple times, trying to digest this information before turning to Master Yen Sid. "Are you _insane?!_ Don't you think Goofy would kill me? Along with that duck and possibly Sora, too? I can't train him," Axel emphasized and pointed a finger at Max, who was looking more annoyed by the second. This was almost worse than it being Roxas or Xion. Couldn't it have just been some random person Axel had never seen _and_ who wasn't related to anyone he knew?

"Yes, you _can._ And you _will."_ It was an odd experience, hearing such a determined and even slightly angry voice coming out of someone who looked so much like Goofy. Axel stared, unsure what to make of this Max.

"Aren't you worried about what your dad will think? He can't be okay with this and he'll kill me if he ever finds out!"

Max frowned and there was something else in his eyes that Axel didn't quite recognize. "Are you really worried about my dad getting upset with you?"

"Well, yeah, do you think I want to fight your dad, Donald, and who knows who else?" Axel looked over at Yen Sid. "Why are we even looking for Sora? I do this and Donald and Goofy might just find him themselves so he can come and beat me senseless."

Master Yen Sid chuckled, a sound that sent chills down Axel's spine. "Yes, that thought did occur to me. That and Max did seek me out and requested this. It's not as if I went out and found him. It was just good fortune that I was looking for someone to replace you."  Master Yen Sid pursed his lips. "Besides, Lea, none of them should be finding out anything."

Axel's mouth hung open and he tried to take it all in, overwhelmed by everything.  He didn't miss the warning that Yen Sid's last words carried with them. 

Max wasn't pleased with Axel's reactions. "I'm my own person," he said, unexpected anger in his tone. "I can decide what I want to do with my life and this is what I'm choosing."

Doubt was clear in Axel's eyes. "Why don't you just join the guard like your father?"

"Because I'm not my father and _this_ is what I want to do," he explained, a snarl on his lips, fists clenched to his side. Axel did a double take, that uneasiness he always felt at Yen Sid's tower doubled. It was hard to believe this guy was Goofy's son.

"Okay," Axel finally agreed with a low sigh. "So be it." He turned his attention back to Yen Sid. "What's the mission?" He cast another careful glance at Max before asking his next question, "Who's the target?" He didn't miss how Max stiffened a bit and glanced nervously between the other two. Pity was starting to form in Axel's stomach. From experience, he knew that once you got involved in a line of work like this, it was hard to get out of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here goes. Hopefully not too many typos. Wanted to spend more time with Ventus, but decided to leave it as it was. Also, quite a bit of dialogue in this chapter. Wanted Roxas and Xion's travels to be a bit more seamless, but this would never get updated, lol. Hope you enjoy!

Agrabah's intense heat and brilliant sunshine was almost too much to take. Axel wasn't sure how he felt about being back in the desert heat. It had been awhile since he'd been back to this particular area and last time he was here, it had been with Roxas. He wished he hadn't needed to leave Twilight Town so abruptly and he was still worried that his friend might be sick and that he was even travelling in the first place. Roxas rarely left Twilight Town unless it was necessary. He wondered if he and Xion had seen Ventus yet and what they thought about that situation. Aqua and Terra were so stand-offish about it all.

_"Hello?"_

Axel was pulled from his quiet reverie by his newest companion. He turned to Max and raised a brow. "Yes?"

"Just checking to make sure there's someone home. You've been kind of spacey since we left the tower," Max explained while keeping an eye out for any possible eavesdroppers. They didn't exactly look like they belonged, Axel with his black clothing and bright, red hair that had already drawn a few glances. Max in his red hoodie and blue jeans. Max couldn't help but think they should start shedding layers soon not only to blend in better, but to not burn up. He was sure he was already getting sweat stains on the simple t-shirt he wore beneath his hoodie.

"I know what I'm doing," Axel coolly informed him. Max wasn't too sure. Axel definitely stood out, but Max had been expecting someone a little rougher to be training him as an assassin and someone who blended into the worlds seamlessly. Someone with a lot of scars and a disdain for life.

Axel was basically pretty for a human, attracted quite a bit of attention, didn't have any visible scars, and seemed quite fond of living. He had been so lively back at the tower with Yen Sid. Just Axel alone was a lot for Max to take in much less the task they were actually supposed to complete. He didn't want to admit to his reservations, but he was feeling them strongly now and the feeling only increased with each passing second. He wouldn't back out. He'd wanted something exciting and Yen Sid had presented this opportunity. Besides, Max wasn't sure if he even  _could_  back out now.

They hadn't spoken much since leaving the tower except for Axel making a portal out of darkness and asking Max again if he was sure of his decision. Max had just rolled his eyes, stepped wordlessly into the portal, and walked right into Agrabah. He had made a mental note to ask Axel more about the portals once they'd gotten to know each other better. He and Axel had wandered the streets for a few minutes before finding an empty area with a tent overhead to block out the blistering sun.

Max nodded, deciding to try to get into Axel's good graces. "I know you do. So tell me."

Axel rolled his shoulders and sighed. "Is there really much left to say? We have to find the target and kill him. It's pretty straightforward."

Max cringed, fiddling with the drawstrings on his hoodie. "I kind of like the term assassinate better."

"Okay, _assassinate_  him."

Max dropped the strings he'd been playing with and regarded Axel carefully. Yen Sid had spoken rather highly of him in private. It was hard to believe this person was the skilled assassin Yen Sid had insisted had over a decade of experience in this kind of work. "Is this really something you've been doing? It seems pretty dark." Max wished he could have taken those last words back, worried he might sound like a scared kid. Yen Sid had warned him that if he chose this path not everything would be pretty. He'd given Max over two weeks to make a decision.

Axel shrugged again. "Yeah, well, someone has to do it. Besides this person isn't supposed to be here and if we don't nip it in the bud, they'll start causing havoc in the world. Yen Sid doesn't know if these people are from Xemnas, Maleficent, or someone else, but they've been popping up in different worlds lately trying to possess people that live there. It doesn't turn out well."

"So, we're saving people?" Max clearly liked talking about this aspect of the mission better than the assassinating part of it.

Axel looked at his nails and ran his thumbnail under the nails of his other fingers while he contemplated his response. After almost a minute, he responded, "Yeah, saving people." There was no conviction in his voice. He looked at Max again, still able to easily sense the uneasiness in his mentee. "Look, Max, we still haven't done anything. It's not too late yet if you want to back out."

Max was already shaking his head before Axel even finished his sentence. "No, I'm not backing out now. You've been doing this for years, right? Why'd you start?"

Axel's demeanor changed at the question, his expression becoming much more vulnerable than Max would have thought. He shook his head slowly, his voice somber. "I was turned into a Nobody with my best friend when we were fifteen. We were trying to save a girl that my friend had discovered. And….." He felt a certain heaviness when he thought of how he and Isa were so easily tricked and manipulated while trying to save that girl and, subsequently, the other experiments. How Xemnas had managed to get out of both of them anything he wanted, forcing Axel on missions and using Isa as his second-hand.

"And…" Max prompted him after a few seconds of silence while Axel's mind slipped back into the past, wishing he could undo certain events, but knowing it was impossible.

Axel reached up and put his hand on his forehead before running it through his hair, clearly distressed. He stared hard at Max for a minute. "Max, you  _aren't_  a Nobody. This isn't something…."

"Do you really want to keep on doing this?"

"Well, no. But…" Axel sighed and his shoulders sagged. "No," he muttered again. It would be pointless for them to keep going in circles about it.

"I'm volunteering, so you might as well make the best of it."

"Right," Axel relented. Max was an adult and could make his own decisions. He looked up at the sun, it was starting to set, but still had a ways to go. "Let's go grab some grub, find a place, and get some rest. We have a long couple days ahead of us." Max was more than happy to agree.

 

*          *          *         *

 

Roxas crossed his arms over his chest, leaning up against the nearest wall, waiting patiently for Xion to finish with the front desk. They were at an Inn and Roxas wasn't thrilled. Somehow, Xion had roped him into agreeing to accompany her to Agrabah as there was supposed to be a parade taking place here over the next couple days.

Roxas initially refused, insisting she go with Naminé and Riku only to find out the two weren't available. He'd then attempted to convince Terra, Aqua, and Ventus to go with Xion but those three weren't going anywhere. Aqua had glanced about nervously, obviously having Ventus on her mind, and Terra had simply shaken his head, stating they weren't travelling.

Ven looked like he wanted to tag along, but something held him back. Roxas couldn't get it out of him, but there was definitely something that Ven was hiding and more than just him not aging properly. Roxas suspected Ventus had no clue why he wasn't growing, there was something else. Something Ventus didn't feel comfortable sharing even with himself and Xion.

Axel would have gone with Xion, no question, except he was stuck at the wizard's tower. Roxas almost rolled his eyes in irritation at the wizard. He hated being separated from Axel. He hated being separated from Xion, too, but the feeling was more intense with Axel. With Xion, he believed she would be okay. Maybe he had more faith in her abilities or maybe he just worried that Axel would get tired of everything and just vanish one day. It was odd because it felt that fear should be reserved for Xion, but Roxas knew she wouldn't vanish again.

Axel was like a wildfire. You never really knew how long he'd last or which direction he would go. Then there was that thought, that heavy sinking feeling in Roxas's stomach like a rock was in it when that thought entered his mind. What if something happened to him?

"They have a room available and we can drop our stuff off before going to the area they'll have the parade. They said it's not too far from here." Xion was beside him again, pulling him out of his musings, used to him sinking into deep thought. Roxas nodded and followed her to their room.

There were two beds, but he wondered if this was part of the reason people assumed they were a couple. Then again, it's not like they shared a room in Twilight Town. Though, they did live together. Axel lived alone despite their protests. Roxas knew that Isa stayed over when he visited Twilight Town. Isa had decided to stay in Radiant Garden, but he frequented Twilight Town and Axel frequented Radiant Garden.  _"Roxas._ " Xion's sharp voice cut through his thoughts again.

He turned to her, a sheepish smile on his lips. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Just stuff."

"Ventus?" Xion tilted her head. "I'm sure he'll be fine." She waited a beat, gauging Roxas's reaction, then changed her direction, "No, you weren't thinking of him. Axel then?" It usually was Axel, especially lately.

Roxas sighed and shrugged. "I just was thinking about how he lives alone and now he's alone training with Yen Sid…"

"And he was alone before, too," Xion finished for him, understanding without even trying. Of course, she worried over Axel, too. "He's a strong person. He'll be fine, don't worry."

Roxas' brows drew together and he said nothing more on the matter. "Let's go to the parade."

Xion smiled brightly and Roxas couldn't help but return the smile with one of his own, worries temporarily forgotten. He followed her to the place she'd been told the parade was taking place. Roxas raised his eyebrows when they got there. There was nothing there.

"Xion?" Roxas asked. "There's nobody here."

Xion stared down at the instruction in her hands, clearly flustered. "Yeah, I-I- oh no! I'm so sorry!"

"What? Why?" Roxas glanced around, taking note of a couple of guys passing by with leering looks.

Xion practically deflated. "The parade starts tomorrow night!" She looked at him nervously. "You're okay with staying an extra night? I really don't want to miss any of it." It had been like pulling teeth getting Roxas to agree to stay tonight and tomorrow for the parade. It took place over the course of two evenings. She hoped he'd be willing to stay an extra night.

Roxas tried to hide his irritation as best as possible. Staying in Agrabah for three nights was not high on his list of things he wanted to do or particularly enjoyed doing. On the other hand, he was already going to have to stay two nights, so why not one extra night? "Sure," he agreed after an awkward silence had passed between them. "Do you want to find somewhere to get some food?"

Xion brightened at the suggestion, thrilled that Roxas was willing to stay an extra day. She figured he would but hoped he wouldn't be too irritated by it. Her stomach had been grumbling at her for the past couple hours, but she'd thought they would be able to get some street food at the parade. Getting something to eat sounded amazing right now. "Yes! Please!"

Roxas nodded and turned back towards the way they had come. They had passed several bars. In Twilight Town, there was only one bar and Roxas generally avoided it. These bars seemed livelier with an array of different characters.

"What about this one?" Xion asked, taking note of one that looked particularly busy. They could stop in and try a drink and get some food. Xion had noticed a square etched on the outside of it with several different colored stripes making up the square. The name _Elysium_  was printed in elegant font over the entrance arch. Roxas nodded, also entranced with the colorful square and the name in such fanciful writing.

Inside the bar was dark and small. There were small tables of all sizes scattered throughout the room and there was a bar off to one side that ran the length of one of the walls. They were packed, people were standing in some areas, talking and drinking. Laughter was heard throughout the bar and the atmosphere was friendly.

Roxas and Xion figured out where to squeeze in at the bar to give their orders. Instinctively, Roxas made sure Xion stayed close as most patrons were male. Xion quickly noticed that the overwhelming majority of those males paid attention to Roxas, several openly checking him out. Roxas shot a few of the men quick glances while waiting for their drinks and food.

After getting the drinks and food, the pair moved to stand by an open place on the opposite wall. They found it difficult and caught the attention of a couple other patrons of the bar. The two called out to them and waved them over to their small, standing table. Roxas and Xion gratefully joined them.

"Thanks," Roxas said as he deposited his food on the table. He realized he and Xion would likely have to stop elsewhere to get more food as the portions were much smaller than they'd expected. The two already at the table grinned and assured them they were happy for the extra company. Both men are well groomed. One of them gives Xion a calculating look, squinting his eyes as if trying to figure something out.

"I hope it's not too nosy of me, but are you trans?"

"Trans?" Xion asked with some confusion. She took a sip of her drink, waiting for her new companion to explain.

"Yes, like you were born assigned the male gender but should have been assigned female? Does that make sense?" He paused. "I guess if you don't know, that probably the answer to my first question is no."

Xion thought about it. "Well, I was supposed to be someone else and they were a male. But this is who I really am," she said indicating herself.

The man cocked his head with a thoughtful look on his face. "Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. I'm Amir by the way."

"Xion," she replied. She glanced over at her traveling partner. "This is Roxas."

"I'm Yousef," the other at their table spoke up.

"Nice to meet you all," Xion said and started to eat. They made small talk, Amir and Yousef able to easily guess they weren't from around the area. Xion and Roxas used the usual story so as not to attract too much attention. During conversation, a random drink was brought to Roxas.

"I didn't order another drink," Roxas protested as a server dropped the drink off with a wink.

"I know," he assured him. "It's from that gentleman at the bar," he pointed to another individual at the bar. A man waved to Roxas. With that, the server left the table.

"You can order other people drinks here?" Xion asked with curiosity. Both Yousef and Amir burst into laughter.

"Don't get out much, do you?" Amir snorted through his laughter. Xion shook her head, still smiling, and Roxas felt a pang of guilt about it but didn't know why.

"Are you going to go over there?" Yousef asked Roxas. It hadn't been lost on Roxas how Yousef had been flirting with him throughout the night and his knee had knocked up against his earlier and stayed firmly pressed against it. Roxas hadn't made any attempt to move his knee. A couple of the flirting tactics Yousef had used on him, Roxas himself had used on Axel, but it had all seemed to go over his head. A sinking weight was in Roxas's stomach as he thought about Axel, but he quickly pushed the thought away.

Roxas shook his head. "No, I like this company here," he answered and was rewarded with a dazzling smile from Yousef. Both Yousef and Amir were attractive and Yousef, in particular, was very handsome. Roxas was flattered that Yousef was even showing him such attention. The four chatted more as Xion and Roxas finished their food and drinks.

"Are you going to have more? Some people stay here until the parade starts tomorrow evening."

Roxas laughed and Xion raised her brows. She spoke up first, "Wow, that's a long time."

"Yeah," Amir said agreeably. "We laugh but we'll probably be doing the same."

"Unless we find a good reason to leave," Yousef pitched in, giving Roxas an obvious once-over.

Roxas blushed and coughed, suddenly feeling flustered. "Maybe you'll find that reason tonight," he played along amicably, but also stood up from the table. "We're actually going to go for now. I'm still hungry." Xion followed his lead and also stood up. Roxas continued, "Do you know any good places to get a full meal around here?"

"Aww," Amir said. "I guess if you have to go, then yes. There's a restaurant about four blocks from here. It's a lot quieter than here. Usually couples go there for the ambiance or sometimes people go there to carry out business. It's pretty laid back and the tables are spaced far apart."

"Sounds like a nice place. Is the food good?"

"Oh, the food is  _delicious!"_  Yousef piped up, emphasizing delicious. "Almost as delicious as  _me,"_  he added with a wink.

Amusement shone in Roxas's eyes as he met Yousef's hungry gaze. He glanced back to Amir. "Four blocks over? That's not too far. In which direction?" Amir gave him more detailed directions.

After Amir finished talking Roxas and Xion through how to get to their next destination, Yousef spoke to Roxas again, "Would you like directions to my place, too? You know, just in case?"

That amusement stayed in Roxas's eyes and he smiled. "Maybe next time."

"Okay, I'll take it. You know I'll be here the rest of the night and maybe tomorrow if you want to get those directions."

"I thought you'd leave if you found a good reason," Roxas reminded him.

Yousef nodded. "Oh, I'm counting on it to be _you."_

Roxas laughed light heartedly and he and Xion left with a thanks to Amir for the instructions. Once they were in the streets again, Xion spoke up. "Those guys really liked you, Roxas," she informed him, accompanied with some giggling.

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of nice. Being thought of as someone they'd want to partner up with. You know, in _that_  way."

Xion pursed her lips, the point he made wasn't lost on her. "Maybe he'll come around," she tried to keep her voice light and encouraging, wanting Roxas to maintain his happier attitude. Lately, he'd become so broody, it tended to bring Xion down.

"Maybe."

"I hope the restaurant does have good food because I am still so hungry," Xion changed the subject.

"They said it's really popular with the locals and travelers."

"Yeah, it's supposed to be super good or," Xion used her fingers to make air quotes and imitated Yousef effortlessly,  _"delicious."_  She grinned. "Almost as delicious as Yousef."

Roxas laughed again as they reached the restaurant. Once there, a hostess met them. The restaurant was busy, but the tables were spaced far apart as Amir had told them, giving patrons plenty of room. They were small circular tables with fancy edging to make it seem even more intimate. All the tables had one large candle with three lit wicks. The only light in the restaurant came from the candles. The hostess was asking if they'd mind eating on the patio as there was a wait for indoors. Roxas and Xion both stated that would be okay.

Roxas and Xion followed the hostess to the patio which seemed even more intimate than the indoors. There were long vines that climbed up the side of the wall and wrapped snugly around the poles outside. Just six small tables were scattered about in the patio area, two tables empty.

As Roxas's eyes took in the patio area, they landed on one particular patron, the bright red hair unmistakable in  _any_  world, at  _any_  time. He was sitting at a table speaking quietly to someone Roxas didn't recognize. Roxas almost stopped where he was, his mind not quite believing his eyes, but his body was on autopilot and it still followed Xion and the hostess, gaze remaining trained on his best friend. Axel must have felt the weight of the stare as he looked away from his companion and met Roxas's stare, his green eyes widening at the sight of Roxas and Xion being seated, Roxas openly staring at him in confusion and betrayal.

The hostess was speaking and Xion said something but Roxas didn't hear. They were just background noise as Roxas's world had narrowed down to just him and Axel. Axel had a mixture of guilt, fear, and concern etched into his features. Axel's companion must have realized something was wrong because he was speaking but not getting a response. After a second, he cast his gaze in the direction of Axel's and found Roxas staring at them. He said something and it must have been enough to get Axel's attention because Roxas was no longer staring at wide green eyes.

"Roxas, stop staring," Xion admonished, finally drawing his attention away from the table Axel occupied.

"You see him, too?" Roxas whispered harshly, wanting to be sure he wasn't hallucinating and feeling anger start to spike through him.

"How could I not with you blatantly staring? Even the hostess noticed."

"How can I not stare? How can you  _not?!_  He said he'd be with Yen Sid training," Roxas ground out, his voice starting to rise but just slightly.

There was a warning in Xion's next words. She was starting to suspect Roxas might get carried away. He looked so angry. "Don't do anything stupid." It's not as if they could unsee Axel or he could unsee them. There was such tension in the air, Xion thought she might start having trouble breathing. She'd lost her appetite. "Maybe he's here as part of his training?"

Roxas shook his head, unconvinced. "He's Keyblade training in Agrabah with some random guy that doesn't use a Keyblade?"

"You don't know that," Xion protested though she knew she was losing the battle.

"We know who all has Keyblades."

"Maybe Yen Sid gave him a break, and this is just something Axel likes to do. It's not like we know every single thing about him."

"Clearly," Roxas's tone held a bitter edge to it even as he agreed with Xion's observation. "Do you think…?" And he couldn't even bring himself to finish the question. His world was crashing around him. Sounds were amplified and everything appeared in slow motion even Xion speaking.

"I don't know who that guy is, Roxas," Xion said, feeling rather useless. "Looks similar to Goofy, though." Both she and Roxas glanced over. Axel and the mystery guy were leaning closer, whispering to each other, much to Roxas's chagrin. It really was an intimate setting. He stood up suddenly and Xion bit her lip nervously. "Roxas, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to find out what he's doing."

"That's probably not a good idea."

"I know. I don't care." With that, Roxas strode off purposefully while Xion tried to prepare for whatever fallout was sure to come.

"Well, what are we going to  _tell_  them?" Max demanded in a whisper, having just learned two of Axel's closest friends had gotten a table not far from them and spotted Axel. He thought they were supposed to stay off the radar. "You didn't _tell_  them we'd be here, did you?"

"Of course not," Axel snapped, offended at the implication. Max was about to say something else, but both heard a chair scrape and then the heavy foot falls as Roxas made his way over to their table. Axel shot a glance at Max, having figured Roxas would eventually approach. "Just follow my lead." Max shrugged, not feeling particularly confident in Axel, but nodded regardless.

Roxas stopped before them, crossing his arms over his chest. He glared at Axel. "What are you doing here?" He glanced at Max. "And who is he?"

Axel cleared his throat and offered a small smile, keeping his voice as laid back as possible. "We're here for the same reason you're here. We heard the food was great. And this is John." Max was sure his face gave away that Axel was lying, he really wished he'd been given a heads-up that his name was changing.

Roxas was not having it. "That's not what I mean. Why aren't you training at Yen Sid's Tower?" He cocked his head. Certain things were starting to click in his head, but he was hoping he was wrong. "Is this why you've been acting so strange? You've been sneaking around with John? Why wouldn't you just tell us? Is this a date?" Roxas felt the questions just fall out of his mouth.

Somehow, this was more horrible than finding Axel out with Isa. Those two had history, but if Axel was willing to date willy-nilly, then he just wasn't interested in Roxas at all. Not only that, but this John looked about Roxas's age which was adding insult to injury.

If he and Axel didn't have the history they did, would he be willing to see him in a different light? Was the reason he was so invisible to Axel in  _that_  way a result of their history within the Organization? Max blanched at what all Roxas was implying and opened his mouth to protest but Axel's raised hand stopped him. There was tense silence for a minute before Axel finally addressed Roxas's questions.

"...Yes," Axel finally answered quietly. There was more silence as Roxas deflated while trying to register what was happening.

"Are you serious?" Roxas was surprised his voice didn't crack.

"Yes. John, this is Roxas," Axel introduced Max. Axel waved for Xion to come over. She approached timidly, having heard some of Roxas's angry questions and noticed some of the other patrons shooting the group fervent, annoyed looks. "Xion, this is John. John, Xion." Max raised his hand weakly, unsure what to say.

"They're dating," Roxas clarified for Xion, his voice taking on an unusually dark tone. Max glanced at Roxas nervously, aware of the venom in the tone. He was starting to worry he might be dead by midnight.

"Oh!" Xion tried not to sound too surprised. "Well, it's nice to meet you, John. Axel's a very lovely person." There was awkward silence and Max realized they were waiting on him to say something.

Max hastily tried to make up for it. "Yes, yeah, he's a great guy," he attempted to contribute as best as he could. Surely, they'd see through his lie. He'd just met Axel. Hopefully, he was a better liar than he realized.

Xion smiled. Roxas shot Axel an angry look, then spun on his heels to leave. Xion gave them both a quick bow. Axel half got up with a call to Roxas, but Xion shook her head. Roxas would probably lose his mind if Axel approached him right now.

She rushed to keep up, muttering an apology to the surprised hostess as they left the restaurant. "Roxas! Where are you going?!"

"Away from there," Roxas huffed, not breaking his stride. He looked at her. "Let's go back to the hotel."

"We can leave Agrabah, Roxas," Xion conceded, feeling terribly guilty about the situation. She'd been the one who'd wanted to visit Agrabah. "I can always see the parade next year."

"No," Roxas said firmly. "We're already here." Xion didn't say anything. They made it to the hotel, Roxas refusing to engage in conversation the rest of the way. Once there, Roxas sighed and shook his head. "I'm going out."

"Not to yell at Axel again, I hope."

"No, I'm going to do something else."

"Yousef?" Xion guessed. At Roxas's nod, Xion flinched. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I guess we'll find out," Roxas muttered with a shrug and disappeared into the night, seeking out Yousef.

 

*          *          *         *

"Why did you tell him that?" Max asked after both Xion and Roxas had left.

"It was the best choice," Axel surmised.

"The _easiest_  choice," Max corrected him. He stretched his arms overhead, still trying to keep his voice low but no longer feeling like he had to whisper. "Can't wait til my girlfriend finds out about my boyfriend."

"No one should be finding out  _anything_  about me," Axel was quick to point out. "Also, you have a girlfriend?"

"Yes," Max retorted. "Her name is similar to your ex-lover's, actually."

Genuine confusion flitted through Axel's eyes as he tried to work out what Max meant. "My ex-lover…?"

Max brought his arms down, also confused. "Yeah. Roxas, right?"

Axel frowned and gave Max an odd look. "He's not my ex-lover. I've never…. We've never…." He tried to explain but was too stunned to form a whole sentence. He ended up just shaking his head.

Max was frowning, too. "Really? I thought for sure with the way he was acting…" he mumbled, almost as if to himself. After a second, he gave Axel a sympathetic grin. "So you're not into him the way he's into you?"

"What are you talking about?"

Max's jaw dropped. "Axel! The guy was literally just in here acting like some kind of scorned lover and I thought for sure he'd murder me out of jealousy before he left. How are you not getting this?"

"It's just not like that," Axel insisted. "Our relationship isn't of that nature."

"Might want to tell _him_  that," Max muttered with a shake of his head, eyes wide in disbelief at Axel's cluelessness. "Also, why are you having trouble seeing it? Does it freak you out or something?" Axel was quiet and a pensive expression overtook his features. Max nodded after a couple minutes of quietude between them. "So, you are. What about him liking you is freaking you out?"

"He's so much younger than me," Axel murmured quietly.

Max was doubtful. "Really? Are you like one of those immortals who don't age? Because you don't look _that_  much older. And wouldn't being with  _me_  freak you out then? How will you explain to him that  _he's_  too young but I'm not?"

Axel stared at Max getting even more confused as the conversation went on. "What do you mean?"

"I'm pretty sure he and I are the same age, give or take a year. He's what? Nineteen or twenty? Maybe twenty-one?"

"Uhhh, I guess. Physically, yeah."

"You  _guess?_  Isn't he supposed to be your best friend?" Max shook his head, becoming more appalled at Axel's words. "And what do you mean 'physically?' What are his emotional and mental ages then?"

Axel remained quiet, reflecting on the past when he'd first been introduced to Roxas and put in charge of watching over him. He'd spent so much time with him, trying to get him to understand and _remember._  Roxas had seemed like a really cool kid just to be a blank slate again by the end of the day. It had been so frustrating but Saix had insisted Axel to be the one to watch over him. Even though so much had happened since then it was hard to forget that time. Axel shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know. Four? Five?"

Max practically choked on his drink at this. "Dude! Isn't that kind of harsh? He seemed a _bit_  more mature than four or five! Mentally and emotionally!" Max exclaimed, then thought surely Axel had to pulling one over him. He looked over at Axel again and was stunned to see his expression, green eyes softened by sadness, features showing wrinkles of concern. It was all so  _gentle._  "Axel?" Max's voice was barely a whisper. "That's really how you see him?"

Axel straightened his back and crossed his arms over his chest, uncomfortable with the topic all of a sudden. Max was so shocked, Roxas had been so  _angry,_  and Xion had just been so concerned. He couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault. Then he'd been caught in the lie. He'd told Yen Sid that they'd eventually be found out. He would have to inform the wizard of what had happened. He finally met Max's gaze, not liking the pity he found in it. "Yeah," Axel confirmed. "It just. I'd never really thought of him that way."

Max raised his eyebrows. "Because you think of him as a little kid or because you're not into guys?"

"I'm not into anyone," Axel quietly corrected him. "And I think I'd be too old for him."

Max tilted his head. "Well. We already went over if  _I'm_  not too young for you then he's not." There was a pregnant pause as Max thought his next question over. "What do you mean, you're not into anyone? Do you mean you're not attracted to anyone?"

Axel shifted his position again, getting more and more uncomfortable with the conversation. He was confused why he was even bothering to confide this in Max. "I feel attraction to people sometimes." He saw Max about to prompt for more so added, "Guys and girls." It was quiet again, just the chatter from another table in the air. "I just don't think my life…" Axel hesitated, rethinking his words, his voice soft as he tried to express himself to this person he barely knew. "I don't think everyone gets that in life. It's not for everyone. It's not for me."

"What isn't for you, Axel?" Max asked, knowing the answer but needing to hear it out loud.

"Love."

Max couldn't help but feel badly for him. He looked so sad and resigned to what he believed was his fate. "Do you really think that?"

"Yeah," Axel responded with a nod of his head.

"But you do have people you love and that love you, right?"

Axel nodded again. "Yes. But that's different from how you and your girlfriend love, I'm sure."

"True enough. Do you think you don't deserve it?"

Axel bit his bottom lip as he tried to think of how to phrase his thoughts. "It's not that I don't deserve it. I just don't think it's meant for me in this life."

Max shook his head. "Just sounds like another way of saying you think you don't deserve it without actually saying that."

Axel said nothing and Max let the silence stretch out. Axel finally broke the silence with a whisper, "Maybe."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, I got all the typos. Used Swipe keyboard on my phone to type this and it was riddled with them. Then lost a bunch of my edits! Went back through and hope I caught them. Anyway, please enjoy! 
> 
> Oh, and if anyone has better title suggestions, let me know. Still not 100% if I wanna keep it with this title.

Xion dropped onto her bed and stared out the window for a minute. Roxas had taken off to go back to that bar and find those guys from earlier. She crossed her arms and shook her head, wishing he'd think things through just a little more. She understood why he was upset; it had been a jolt to see Axel sitting at the restaurant. However, she trusted their friend and didn't think he'd be here without a good reason. Still, it did hurt that he had lied about where he would be. And that he hadn't ever told them about this John guy. A buzzing noise filled the air and Xion dug her gummiphone out of her bag. _Naminè._ Xion hit the accept button and her friend's face, framed with blonde hair, appeared on the small screen.

"Xion!" Naminè greeted her with a bright smile. Riku leaned in close so he could see their friend as well.

"Hi, Xion," his greeting was a little more subtle but still happy.

Xion grinned at both of them. "Naminè! Riku! It's so good to hear from you." She adored her friends and enjoyed spending time with them even if it was through a screen.

Naminè nodded, her smile not faltering. Sometimes Xion wondered if the smile was just a permanent fixture on her. "Are you enjoying Agrabah? Is the parade over already? I wasn't sure if we'd catch you."

"Oh, it's tomorrow. Turned out I misunderstood so we're staying an extra day so we can see it." Xion offered up an embarrassed smile at her mix-up.

"Bet Roxas isn't too happy about that," Riku chimed in with a chuckle. Naminè raised her brows, waiting for Xion to address it.

Xion sighed. "Yeah, he wasn't thrilled but he wasn't too mad about it."

"That's good." Naminè appeared to be searching over her shoulder and Xion realized she was looking for Roxas.

"He's not here," Xion informed her.

Naminè's smile wavered for the first time since the phone call began. "He's not? Is everything okay?"

Riku frowned, also surprised at this. It wasn't as if they couldn't take care of themselves, but it was unusual for any of them to not stay in pairs if they were traveling. He was even more surprised that Roxas would be the one to leave the Inn while Xion stayed. Roxas wasn't overly fond of traveling. He'd already seen most of the worlds and just preferred Twilight Town. Usually, they had to drag him around if they were visiting other worlds.

Xion shifted slightly, suddenly unsure what to say. She wasn't sure if she should bring up Axel or not. Not to mention telling them that Roxas had skipped out to find some guy at some bar they'd been at earlier might not go over well. Her loyalties would always be with those two. On the other hand, she didn't feel particularly comfortable lying to Riku and Naminè. "It's… _I'm_ okay," she struggled to explain.

Naminè and Riku exchanged a look. "Is Roxas _not_ okay?" Naminè asked, trying to keep her voice even. Xion didn't seem overly concerned, but the way she was acting wasn't a good sign.

"He was upset because we ran into someone…." Xion winced, realizing she'd probably said too much. "So, he went out to see some guy we ran into earlier at a bar."

"You guys were at a bar?" Riku asked curiously. He leaned forward so she could see more of him on the screen. "What were you guys doing there? And who did you run into that upset Roxas?"

"Yes, we stopped at a bar for some food and drink. There were some guys that flirted a lot with Roxas, and he went back out to try to see one of them." Naminè looked slightly confused while Riku remained thoughtful. He didn't miss that Xion had purposefully avoided one of his questions.

"Who did you run into?" It was clearly someone they knew or Xion wouldn't be so hesitant to say who. Xion was quiet for another minute, debating if she should lie or not. She finally decided just to be honest.

"Axel."

"Oh." Riku tried not to look as shocked as he felt. He couldn't say he had ever grown to trust Axel one hundred percent, but the former Nobody had changed his ways. Riku trusted him enough to hang out with him, and he knew Naminè trusted him and held him in high regard. He trusted Naminè one hundred percent.

" _Oh,"_ Naminè echoed and Riku didn't miss the hurt in her voice. "Why is he there?" She thought for sure he'd be at Yen Sid's Tower. "Is he there for the parade, too?"

Xion shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't really get the opportunity to ask because Roxas kind of lost it when we saw him." She shuddered a bit at the recent memory. She really should have taken the time to ask Axel more questions, but she'd been too preoccupied with trying to calm down Roxas.

"I bet he was unhappy." Riku could only imagine how upset Roxas must have been at spotting Axel there. Roxas's dislike for travelling had probably been elevated to hatred at the sight.

"Yes," Xion confirmed. "He was really angry." She paused again, debating whether to tell them more. She'd already come this far and there was no point in secrets now. "He was out with some guy named John. I guess they're dating or something."

Naminè's brows shot up and Riku made a face. "What?!" They both exclaimed in unison.

"Yeah." Xion shook her head slightly. "We ran into Axel at some restaurant here and he was out with him."

"No wonder Roxas was so upset," Riku said with a glance at Naminè before turning sympathetic eyes to Xion. "It was probably quite a shock for him." Like Roxas, he had often wondered if Axel and Isa were a thing or had a past of that nature, but never thought it his place to ask. If they weren't telling, then he wouldn't make assumptions. He knew from his own interactions with Roxas just how much he adored and liked Axel. Roxas must have been pretty hurt.

Naminè bit her lip, concern in her eyes. "Axel's never mentioned this John when he visits. How long have they been dating? Why wouldn't he say anything to us?"

Xion opened her mouth to respond and then promptly shut it, realizing she had no idea how long Axel had been with John. "I don't know," she said slowly. "I didn't really get to talk to them because I rushed after Roxas. He kind of stormed out after yelling at Axel some."

Riku winced at that. "Yikes, at the restaurant?"

Xion nodded. "Yes. I think Roxas kind of forgot where we were. Then we came back here, and he left to that bar we were at before the restaurant. I told him we could go back home, but he said we're staying for the parade since we're already here." Slumping a little, she sighed, feeling the weight of guilt again. "I feel so bad. This never would have happened if I didn't want to see this parade. Or if I'd gotten the dates right."

Both Naminè and Riku shook their heads. Naminè spoke first, "It's not your fault, Xion. It's not like you planned this."

"These things just happen." Riku's voice was even and reassuring. He raised one hand up in air in a half shrug gesture. "Besides, it's usually good to get stuff like this out in the open. Get everybody on the same page."

"I still feel bad." Xion didn't want to force Roxas or Axel into anything before they were ready. Axel, for whatever reason, hadn't been ready to introduce them to John and that had happened. Roxas wasn't ready to start making confessions to Axel, but it seemed like it would rapidly head in that direction with this new development. All because of some parade she just _had_ to see.

"Xi, it's okay," Naminè insisted. "No one's mad at you or blames you."

"Yeah, all you can do now is enjoy that parade and hope for the best."

After a minute, Xion finally nodded. "You're both right. I can't do anything else, really. Thank you." She asked after them and they chatted for a few minutes. They were still busy on their own mission that involved gathering more information on Sora, and they seemed to have made some progress. Less than they'd wanted, but still progress. Xion wished the other two well, ended the call, and flopped back onto her bed. She hoped Roxas would come back tonight but was beginning to doubt he would.

Naminè ended her call with Xion and shot her boyfriend a worried look. The call with Xion had left them both unsettled. They had just wanted to make sure Xion was enjoying herself and that Roxas wasn't too irritated with the travels.

"That was...unexpected," Riku summed up.

"Very," Naminè agreed. Her eyes were downcast as she contemplated what all Xion had said. It really hurt that Axel didn't trust her as much as she'd thought. "I guess I really thought I was close enough to Axel that he'd tell me about any boyfriends or travels. He's going to this huge parade in Agrabah and didn't even mention it."

"I'm sure Roxas and Xion are feeling that right now, too," Riku said, reminding her that she wasn't alone in her feelings of hurt and disappointment. The last thing he wanted was her to feel singled out. It was aggravating that her feelings had been hurt, but there wasn't much he could do about that except try to comfort her.

Naminè nodded, willing herself not to be too upset. She could only imagine how much more upset Xion and Roxas were, especially the latter of the two. "But why isn't he at Yen Sid's?"

"That is the million-dollar question."

* * * * *

Roxas walked with purpose through the streets of Agrabah on his way back to _Elysium._ Fuming accompanied every step. People scurried to get out of his path. He couldn't believe it. He just couldn't freaking _believe it._ Axel really was with that… _guy._ He didn't want to be judgmental, but he wasn't sure about this whole interspecies dating thing. At any rate, he was definitely against it _now_.

John had been about the same age as Roxas, at least he had to be fairly close in age to him. This whole time, Roxas had thought for sure that if he had just been slightly older, Axel might actually start seeing him a different way. He'd even _grown_ taller. Not that he had any control over that, but he had certainly wished for more height often. If only he could grow taller than Axel, but he doubted that would make a difference. For now, he was around five foot eight, nearly nine. So close. Axel was easily over six feet. It didn't matter, it didn't change their ages. It wouldn't make this John disappear.

With every step, Roxas's heart felt heavier, like a weight in his chest. For the first time since becoming his own person, Roxas longed for the days when he thought he had no heart; it was easier to dismiss this constricting feeling as his imagination or longing for a heart. Now, he knew, that dull ache in his chest wasn't his imagination. It wasn't longing for his heart, though it was the result of longing for another heart. He supposed that maybe sometimes things just never changed, and you found yourself right back where you started. Liquid pricked at his eyes and he quickly swiped it away.

Finally, he rounded a corner and _Elysium_ came into view. His pace slowed as he felt some relief at hearing the laughter from the bar and seeing that there were even _more_ patrons here than earlier. It must have been a popular night spot. Even though Yousef was a sure bet, if he wasn't there, maybe Roxas could pick up somebody else.

It's not as if it would be his first time using a bar for this. He rarely went to the Twilight Town bar but would every now and then. The town was just so small, it was awkward if you ran into that person. Roxas wanted someone he'd never see again. His first time had been a one-off with someone in another world. He'd been curious and wanted to take advantage of this life he'd been given. It had been pleasurable, but it still felt like something was missing so he didn't engage often. It was odd as he hadn't felt comfortable confiding this in Xion or Axel. He'd gone to the person that seemed to know everything, Naminè. She'd suggested that maybe there was something missing: someone he truly cared about. Someone he _loved._

When she said that, he had immediately thought of Axel, but pushed the thought away. He felt that thought creeping back into his mind now. The thought he knew was true, but didn't want to acknowledge, especially now. He didn't want to admit to being _in love,_ not without knowing if he even had a _chance._ If he admitted that, it would just hurt too much. It already hurt so much. He didn't want to be in love, there was too much feeling involved. It was hard to figure it out.

"Roxas?" A familiar voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Amir was peering down at him with concern. "Are you okay? You look a little lost." He glanced around. "And where's your friend, Xion?"

Roxas blinked, grateful that his thoughts had come to a screeching halt. They had been getting out of control. "Yeah, I'm okay. Xion didn't come back with me," he explained while looking behind Amir at the other patrons of the bar. "Is Yousef here?"

Amir tilted his head, understanding in his eyes. He was hesitant to answer. "No, he left earlier."

"Found a good enough reason?"

Amir shrugged. "Everyone always finds one eventually. Don't take it personally."

"I won't." Roxas scoped out the place, seeing if there was anyone else he might could strike up conversation with. Amir watched him watching the others.

"You know, if you're interested…I'm here."

Roxas narrowed his eyes at Amir, really looking at him for the first time. "Let's get drinks."

* * * * * 

"Do you remember everything we went over last night?" Axel lazily strolled through the streets of Agrabah, Max keeping pace next to him. It was the next morning and they were starting to really get into the heart of things.

Max was feeling overwhelmed. He didn't realize they were going to have to map out so much stuff and memorize so many people's different routines. All so they could take care of this one target within the next two days. He knew three different housekeepers' routines, two gardeners' routines, a chauffeur's schedule, the routines of several people that would be around the guy they were supposed to take care of.

Max groaned inwardly; positive Axel was gearing up to give him another quiz. As if memorizing everyone's routines and schedules wasn't bad enough, he'd also had to memorize the layout of half of Agrabah. Up two streets to the left was a theater, three blocks over was the restaurant they'd been at last night, four blocks from there was a popular bar, three blocks to the right of that was a hotel, and six blocks away was where the parade would take place. That was just the rough outline and didn't include the inside of the three buildings they'd be dealing with. It was enough to make anyone's head spin.

"Yes, I've got it memorized," Max assured Axel with as much as conviction as he could. In all honesty, he wasn't sure just how memorized he had anything and was liable to get things mixed up, but he wasn't about to tell Axel that. He'd always been good at his studies and was never a bad student, but he had just met Axel the day before and only had a few hours to go over all this and try to commit it all to memory.

Axel grinned at him, pleased. "Good! So, what's to our left, up two streets?"

"Theater."

"Behind us five blocks to our right?"

Max squinted as he frantically tried to remember that one. _Five blocks from here. We're two blocks from the theater, three blocks from that restaurant, what's five blocks? Oh!_ "The gardens."

Axel's smile widened as he was truly impressed. Max was memorizing things way faster than he would have thought. "Yes. When do those two hired guards that patrol this area take their breaks and where?" The two guards were patrolling an area that covered roughly ten blocks.

"They take their breaks in rotation, one takes a break every three hours for ten minutes and the other takes one every four hours for about ten minutes. The first guard goes to the gardens for his breaks and the second goes to the coffee shop that's two streets over."

"Good." Axel licked his lips as he considered his next question. "What's the name of our target?"

"Winters." Apparently, they kept the names in code so no one could slip up and tip him off.

"And how do we finish him off?"

Max rolled his eyes. "Quickly, quietly, and efficiently. Preferably with these." He pulled a couple of small poisonous daggers from his jeans. Axel's reaction was immediate.

"Put those away," he whispered harshly. "Don't pull those out in public where anyone can see."

Max quickly hid his daggers and muttered an apology. After a minute of quiet, he ventured. "Do they bleed?" Axel quirked his head and raised his brows. Max clarified, "You know, when we 'finish him off?'"

Axel stared at Max for a moment before answering. "Not usually, if you do it right. Those are a special design that Yen Sid enchants so once we get a dagger into Winters, he should just turn to ashes." Axel paused a minute before going on, "And just so you know, _I'm_ doing this one. You're not quite ready for that yet." Max didn't argue and tried to hide his relief.

"Do they always turn to ash?"

"It depends on what weapon you're using," Axel said nonchalantly with a shrug. They fell into companionable silence as they traced their steps around Agrabah. Axel wanted to see every area that Winters would be in and determine the best place he could be to get one of those daggers in quickly and without being detected.

Max admired how detailed Axel was with his plans. They studied the gardens, the streets, the shops, and the house that Winters was staying in. He would be at the parade and Axel was starting to think that would be the easiest place to accomplish their task. He could become part of the crowd and sink a dagger in, and the crowd wouldn't know who did what. He hated to have that many people as potential witnesses but if did it right, no one would be able to determine that it was him.

They entered the gardens area when Max broached another subject. "If we're going to be at the parade, do we need to worry about running into your boyfriend again?" He glanced at some of the flowers and mosaics that greeted them upon entering the gardens.

The gardens were sprawling and considered a gem in the city by local residents; after all, they lived in an unforgiving desert landscape so being able to cultivate such a flourishing garden took hard work and everyone took pride in what their city had accomplished. It was mazelike with several pathways adorned in brilliant mosaic designs that led visitors through the area. Walls of vines separated areas and gazebos were scattered throughout it. Supposedly, some of the royal family members took to strolling through the gardens at random times.

Axel shook his head, giving Max an unamused look. "I told you. It's not like that. He was just upset that he caught me in a lie. I already told Yen Sid that I don't like lying to them."

"What's the other option?"

"There isn't one, really, I guess," Axel admitted through a sigh. "I don't want to involve Roxas or Xion in this, but Yen Sid has threatened to do that a couple times if I don't keep doing this."

"You hate doing this that much?"

Axel took his time to answer, thinking over his reply carefully. At this point, he no longer wanted to scare Max away. "It's just not something I wanted to do, I fell into it because of the Organization. Xemnas needed someone to take care of certain… _things._ And I was good at it." Initially, there had been no feelings involved, he had acted remorselessly, even taking pleasure in some of his assigned tasks, learning to embrace living while lacking a moral compass. Truly becoming heartless. It wasn't until Roxas showed up that something in his chest had started to ache and it'd only gotten worse when Xion joined them. He looked down for a minute before meeting Max's eyes again. "I just want to train with my friends and be a good guy."

"This is doing good, though," Max pointed out.

"Says Yen Sid," Axel huffed. He crossed his arms over his chest, unhappy. "It just doesn't _feel_ good, either, having to lie to my friends about it and hide it. I understand why and the nature of it all, but I still don't like it." Max opened his mouth to say something, but Axel continued before he could, "Also, I wasn't always doing this under Yen Sid, so I guess I just don't like to think about it…"

Max didn't say anything for a minute. "That makes sense." He shifted, feeling uncomfortable with the subject, Axel was being so open about it. He tried to bring the topic back to his original concern, "But what if we do run into your Roxas at the parade?"

Axel just rolled his eyes and shook his head, choosing to ignore what Max was still implying. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"You're really okay with them being here?" Max asked, puzzled at his companion's nonchalance regarding the situation. Max himself would probably be on the verge of a meltdown if his best friends showed up here without warning.

Axel stopped walking and turned to face Max fully. "Why are you so concerned about it? It's not like anyone's going to see us."

Max was stunned for a minute. He held a gloved hand up in the air. "I'm concerned because, one," he held up one finger, "They know what I look like, I'm pretty sure they know who my father is, and I don't want my dad finding out about this. Two," he held a second finger up in the air. "Pretty sure they're going to be able to figure out you might have caused any assassination attempt since they know you so well. Three," Max held up his three fingers as he made his final point, enjoying the way Axel's face was changing from nonchalance to interest. "I'm scared your boyfriend is going to try to kill me." He held his other hand out to signal Axel to stop when he tried to protest. "I know you _say_ there's nothing between you, but it didn't seem that way at all. Especially on his part." _And a little on your part._ He chose to keep the last thought to himself.

Silence hung over them as Max waited expectantly for Axel to respond, but the taller man just stared at him in surprise. A smile played at the corners of Axel's mouth. "Feel better now that you got that all outta your system?"

Max's eyes widened in shock. He'd been expecting a different reaction. One that acknowledged just how crazy and out of hand this was getting.

Axel's smile turned feral as he started walking again. "All legitimate concerns," he said breezily. "But none of those are enough to stop us here. I've operated under much more _trying_ circumstances." His smile dropped and he shot Max a look of disapproval. "Also, what's this about an _attempt?_ I'm not planning an _attempt."_

Max finally broke eye contact, his eyes still wide with shock, an odd feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. Axel was turning out to be a much more serious character than he'd expected. He tried to find a way to respond but couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he simply nodded and followed his mentor through the entirety of the gardens.

* * * * * 

Light fell across Xion's face, waking her from a fitful sleep. She slowly pried her eyes opened and yawned. Stretching her arms overhead, she turned slightly to see if Roxas had made it back. His bed was empty and hadn't been slept in.

 _Roxas,_ she thought with both annoyance and sympathy. _Hope it went okay._ She swiped her gummiphone off the tiny nightstand next to her bed and checked to see if he'd texted her. He had sent one text just saying he wouldn't be in but would be there by eight for breakfast. She glanced at the time displayed on her phone: 7:14. She had plenty of time for a shower and to get ready.

Xion found Roxas sitting on his bed waiting for her when she got out of the shower. She noted he had a fresh change of clothes on already. She'd opted for another one of her dresses that ended in ruffled pleats.

"Good morning, Roxas," she greeted cheerily.

Roxas smiled. "Morning," he returned.

"So how was Yousef?" It was awkward to ask, but Xion did want to know. She couldn't get a good reading on Roxas and couldn't figure out if he was happy or upset.

Roxas gave a half shrug. "I don't know. He'd already left. Amir was there, though. I spent the night with him."

Xion didn't ask for any further details since he wasn't volunteering. "Breakfast should be ready now," she abruptly changed the subject. The Inn served breakfast in the guest area. It was miniscule but included with their price.

They headed downstairs and found a tiny breakfast bar with a few other guests browsing through the options. Roxas was able to get coffee, black, and a nutrition bar while Xion chose orange juice and a waffle with a heavy helping of syrup and whipping cream. She paused in front of the large bowl of strawberries before deciding to dump a large spoonful as her final topping. She joined Roxas at one of the tables nearby. He was sipping his coffee.

"You really like a lot of sugar," he commented while watching her shovel bites of waffle dripping with syrup, strawberry, and whipped cream into her mouth. She swallowed and looked at him.

"And you like bitter things. I can't believe you're drinking that with no cream _or_ sugar. Most people use _both_ just to be able to stand the taste." She waved a hand towards the coffee he was drinking. "And _that_ bar," she stuck her tongue out. "Gross."

"Hey, it's healthy," Roxas defended his choices. "So, what are we doing today before the parade?"

Xion looked at him, excited. "Oh! You wouldn't mind exploring the city with me? There's a few places I'd really like to see." She swallowed another bite of her waffle before setting a pamphlet she'd found in the Inn the night before on her nightstand. "There's a couple historic sites nearby, a theater, an ice cream shop, and a garden area."

Roxas studied the pamphlet, grateful his friend had picked out stuff that seemed fun and interesting. "That all sounds good. Between today and tomorrow, we should be able to fit it all in." Xion decided not to comment she had a completely different agenda for the next day. She was planning to fit everything she'd just listed off today before the parade. Roxas looked at her again as she gobbled down the last of her waffle. "What do you want to do first?"

"Oh, the gardens," she responded without a second thought. Her eyes brightened with excitement at the thought. "There's supposed to be a bunch of Morning Glory varieties and I'd really like to see them. They probably already bloomed this morning, but I'd still like to see them. Oh!" Xion leaned forward and Roxas started to worry she was going to get syrup on her clothes in her excitement. "It's supposed to be beautiful! They have tropical breeds that they've imported from another country. I read it's the best in the morning and at dusk."

Roxas smiled and she leaned back, practically beaming at him in her excitement. He drained the rest of his coffee while she waited anxiously. Setting the empty cup back on the table, he stood up, and nodded at her. "Let's go, can't wait to see these flowers!" It felt a little odd to be so excited about flowers, but Xion's enthusiasm was contagious.

Xion pointed to a couple places as they strolled through the streets and Roxas noticed a few people glance at them and a couple giggled. He wondered if the gigglers thought he and Xion were a couple but pushed the thought away. Did it really matter? His main concern was Axel, not these randoms in Agrabah. It's not like he lived here, and he likely wouldn't see these people again.

"Roxas!" Xion exclaimed, stopping before a place. He stopped next to her. She waved her hands in a grand gesture. "This is the ice cream stand! It's closed now, but we can visit it this afternoon. I doubt it's as good as the sea salt ice cream we like, but I've heard pretty good things about it."

"Sounds good." Roxas inspected the stand. It was simple, small, and just had a picture of ice cream painted on the side of it. It wasn't blue or on a stick like their ice cream from Twilight Town, but a bright orange-red color that kind of reminded Roxas of Axel in an odd sort of way. "Looks like it'll be delicious," he commented. Xion shot him an odd glance, not quite following as it didn't seem like he was talking about the ice cream.

"Yeah," she mumbled. They left without another word. They continued until they reached the gardens. Xion rushed in. "Ohhhhh! Look at these, Roxas!" She stood next to patch of Ivy Morning Glory, whipped out her gummiphone, and snapped a few selfies with the flowers. "They're so pretty and purple," she gushed. She spotted another a patch of dull pink blooms not far away and squealed. "And look! These are Peaceful Morning Glories!" Rushing over to them, she held her phone above her head and snapped more pictures by the new flowers.

Roxas watched, unsure what to do. While enthusiastic, he wasn't bursting forth at the seams like his best friend was. Xion beckoned him over. "Take a picture with me! Look! These are Red Morning Glory Vines!" Roxas obliged and stood with her next to the vines as she snapped a few pics. His ears perked as a couple of voices drifted within earshot. One sounded very familiar, but he thought he must be imagining it. He'd heard the other voice, but rarely and only recently. Xion had become quiet and he must not be imagining things if she could hear it also. _Axel._

"What's he doing here?" Roxas muttered to which Xion could only shrug. Her response was in a small voice, stressed out by the tension that had fallen over her and Roxas.

"We can leave and come back later."

Roxas shook his head. "No, we're here. It sounds like they're nearby. Probably just around the bush." The gardens were set up so that as soon as you entered you were greeted by all the morning glory varieties and then a wall of vines led you into the rest of the garden area. The area was breathtaking. There were random walls of vines and trees that hid areas from view and fostered secret meeting places and other gorgeous varieties of flowers.

A trail of mosaic tiles beckoned them to follow it towards where Axel's voice was coming from. Roxas looked at the greenery that separated them from their other friend's voice. "Let's just go around this," he indicated the wall of vines. Xion didn't argue and simply followed him, still able to appreciate the sparkling mosaics through the tension.

The pair rounded the corner. Axel and Max were strolling in their direction and Axel greeted the two with a bright smile, masking any unease he might have had at the sight of his two best friends running into them. "Roxas! Xion! I thought I heard you. Xion, I didn't know you loved flowers so much. Always thought seashells were more up your alley."

A pink taint dusted Xion's cheeks. "Yes, I love flowers, too," she explained through her embarrassment. Her cheeks became an even rosier color as something else dawned on her. "Oh! I'm so sorry if I interrupted anything. I was being so loud. It was really inconsiderate of me."

Axel and Max both looked puzzled for a minute before realization dawned on them. Max again had to work to not look too horrified while Axel fell into the role a little easier. He waved one hand around as if to dismiss Xion's words. "Oh, no, we were just checking out the gardens. Seems like a lot of couples do in this in the morning." Axel regarded his two friends for a minute and winked at Roxas. "It's a good spot for a stroll." Roxas rolled his eyes, feeling like he might just scream. Xion was sure her face must be the same color as the roses. Axel was still on about _this?_

Crossing his arms, Roxas licked his lips and gave Max a critical stare. Max squirmed slightly under the weight of it, unable to maintain eye contact with him. Roxas finally looked back to Axel. "Can we talk for a minute?"

The tallest of the bunch nodded. "Yes, please go on. We're not in any hurry."

"In private," Roxas clarified. "Just me and you," he motioned his hand between himself and Axel. Max frowned but Xion was relieved. Maybe Roxas could hash things out and maybe this tension between them would vanish. It was becoming unbearable.

Axel scratched the back of his head, appearing to be a bit conflicted but gave in after a couple seconds. "Sure. There's a place further up the walkway," he motioned behind him where he'd just come from. He looked at Max. "Do you mind waiting?" Roxas seethed at this, but prayed he wasn't being too overt about it. Max shrugged.

"Fine by me." With his blessing, Axel and Roxas wandered to the area Axel had mentioned, leaving Max and Xion alone.

Max scratched the side of his head and sat down on a bench near Xion. She stared at him for a moment before sitting next to him. This seemed like a good opportunity to get to know Axel's boyfriend.

"So, John, right?" Max didn't respond and Xion frowned, feeling a bit slighted. "Hey, you don't-" but Max cut her off suddenly.

"Oh! Yes!" He looked at her. "Yes, I'm John. Sorry, I spaced out there for a second, didn't really realize what you'd said. That's me." He sighed. "Xion, right?"

Xion gave him an odd look but nodded. "So how long have you been dating Axel?"

Max opened his mouth, but it just kind of hung there for a second as he scrambled to come up with a story. He and Axel had been so busy memorizing their plans regarding Winters, they hadn't come up with anything to tell Xion and Roxas if this happened; of course, Axel had insisted this wouldn't happen when Max mentioned it. Max swallowed thickly, feeling his mouth go dry. He didn't like lying like this. "Uh, how long has it been? Five months, probably?"

"Oh." Xion broke eye contact and stared at the nearby roses. Max felt bad as she clearly was hurt by this news. "It's been that long? He never said anything."

"Well, I just- we just weren't ready to tell anyone. He's been training so much and," Max tried to remember stuff Axel had said to him before. He was positive Axel had said his friends thought he was Keyblade training. He could run with that.

Xion cocked her head and met his gaze again. "So, he hasn't been completely lying? I was thinking maybe he was just hanging out with you this whole time."

Max let out a genuine laugh at this. "No, he just. Well, it's not him. It's me. I just don't want anyone to know yet. Otherwise, he definitely would have told you," he tried to reassure her and hoped he was helping to mend fences for his mentor.

"You're nice, John," Xion murmured, her heart twisting as she felt all kinds of bad for Roxas. It would be easier to dislike him if John wasn't so sweet. She laughed now, too. "Of course, you must be if you're with Axel."

Max offered her a soft smile, impressed with how highly she spoke of Axel. That was comforting. "He's a really great guy," he said. He glanced at where Roxas and Axel had disappeared to. He decided to take a chance and ask a question he already knew the answer to. He was curious how she'd respond. "So, is that Roxas his ex-boyfriend?"

Xion shook her head and looked away again for a minute before turning back to him. "No. They've never been together."

"But Roxas wants to be with him," Max stated. It wasn't a question, just what he'd observed.

Xion's eyes widened and she looked at him. "I-I mean, he would like that." She bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I don't think they'll do anything." She glanced over to where their friends had disappeared to. "I don't know what Roxas is planning."

Max burst into a fit of laughter at Xion's apology and where her mind had gone. He seriously doubted Roxas would be able to do anything in the gardens; there were other people there and he already knew how much of a mental block Axel had about the situation. Xion stared at him, surprised at his laughter. She frowned a bit when a couple of them ended in a _hyuck._ She'd heard that before. Max quickly covered his mouth.

"What's so funny?"

"I just- it was just so cute how you apologized and how serious you were as if they're going to go get it on in the rose bushes." He burst into another round of laughter and Xion joined in. The thought was a little ridiculous now that she thought about it. There was another _hyuck._

It hit Xion where she'd heard that. _Oh! Goofy laughs like that, too!_ She started to ask if he knew Goofy, but clamped her mouth shut. _I don't know if he knows about the other worlds. Surely, he does. He doesn't look like he's a native to this world, but I can't be sure without checking with Axel first._ Their laughter died down and she felt so relieved that all the tension in the air was gone. She sighed. "You're funny, John."

"Hey, you're the one who started it all," Max shot back, getting accustomed to being called John.

Xion nodded, unable to deny it. "So, you two must be pretty serious if it's been around five months."

Max raised his brows. "I mean, it's _only_ been five months," he pointed out. Xion frowned, not sure she liked that. Max realized his mistake, "But it's getting there," he tried to correct himself, rather lamely.

"Not really that serious, then?" Xion asked, confused.

"I'm not sure," Max replied honestly. He was clueless as to the kind of details he and Axel should have about their fake relationship; also, if he said too much and Axel was spinning Roxas a different story, it would just take one conversation between Roxas and Xion for them to be found out.

Roxas followed Axel a ways up the path and past two more walls of vines. They finally stopped in a clearing area where Verawood trees bloomed all around them, the flowers reminiscent of Destiny Islands. Axel finally came to a halt, noting that no one else was in their general area. He turned to face Roxas. "Okay, what did you want?" he asked easily. "And why do you look so angry?"

Roxas frowned, keeping the fury he felt tightly contained. "Why aren't you training with Yen Sid?"

"The parade," Axel offered. "John wanted to see it."

"So, you left your training because your boyfriend wanted to see the parade?"

It was Axel's turn to frown, sensing the irritation in Roxas's voice and demeanor. "Yeah, I got a couple days off. Yen Sid said it was okay if you want to check with him," he responded carefully, scrutinizing Roxas, wondering if he was losing his mind. "Why are you so worried about it? You'd do the same for Xion."

"I'd do the same for you, too."

"Yeah, you'd do the same for me and Xion," Axel echoed, folding his arms across his chest, feeling oddly victorious at getting Roxas to admit that he'd abandon training for a parade, too. "The parade is a really big deal, apparently, and so John wanted to see it. I checked with Yen Sid and everything. I'm due back after the parade, though." An awkward silence hung over them. One of the few times things felt very strange between him and Roxas, usually the air between them was lighter than this, but the atmosphere felt suffocating to Axel. He wasn't quite prepared for the next words out of his friend's mouth.

"I had sex last night." Roxas looked up at him, meeting his eyes.

Axel squinted his eyes just slightly and they darted around for a moment as if trying to decipher code. This did make sense, though, he and Xion were out checking out the gardens and had been on a dinner date the previous night. "Oh. Is that why you two are out here? Also a couple's vacation? Maybe we can double date."

"With a _guy_. At a bar. Here in Agrabah," Roxas said slowly, interrupting Axel before he could go on about double dating. _I'm here. I'm interested in guys. I'm interested in **you.** See me._

Axel's mind went blank as he tried to process what Roxas was telling him. He was positive he must be mishearing and a little confused why Roxas was unloading all of this on him all of a sudden. His mouth imitated a guppy as he closed and opened it in confusion, at a loss for words. Roxas smirked, enjoying having made Axel truly speechless. After a few minutes, Axel finally found his voice again.

"Is everything okay, then?" Axel asked through his confusion. "It was all consensual, right?"

Roxas quirked his head and a funny look played at his features. "What? Yeah, it was consensual, Axel. What would _you_ have done if it hadn't been?"

"I don't know. I would have done something. If anyone bothers you, you just let me know and I'll take care of it. Same goes for Xion, too."

"Axel, you do remember that _I_ saved _your_ ass in the Keyblade Graveyard, right? I'm more than capable of taking care of myself."

Axel deflated a bit at this, green eyes sheepish and fond. "I know. I just- I feel responsible for you two, you know?" The heart of the matter. Roxas needed to strike this away, he had to get this idea out of Axel's head.

"We're not your kids and we're both adults, Axel," Roxas tried to keep his voice as even as possible despite all the frustration he was feeling. What he wouldn't give to summon both his Keyblades and start hacking at all the greenery and flowers around them. Xion would be brought to tears, no doubt about it.

"I know," Axel said at length. His shoulders sagged and he stared at the grass beneath their feet for a minute. "I didn't mean to insult you, Roxas, it's just you and Xion both mean so much to me."

Roxas held his tongue and was proud that he didn't roll his eyes. He loved Xion just as much, but how he'd love to hear Axel say that just about _him._ Without the "and Xion."

"I lost you both," Axel was still speaking. "I don't want that to happen again. Ever." He sighed deeply. "So, yeah, if something or someone is bothering you, I want you to tell me and maybe I can help."

Another awkwardness hung in the air about them and Axel thought he might cave in with all this unexpected tension that Roxas seemed to be thriving on. Roxas considered his words and decided that maybe now was the best time to be bold especially if he had competition like John to worry about.

He closed the gap between them while Axel stared at the grass, oblivious. Reaching out, he wrapped his hands loosely around Axel's wrists and looked up into the vivid jade pools he knew too well. Green eyes widened at the sudden close proximity. Roxas grinned, almost wolfishly, at him. "There is someone that has been bothering me." He was grateful for the extra height he had now as he wouldn't have to reach as far.

"Who?" Axel could barely breathe with the way Roxas's blue eyes were boring into him as if reading his soul. He shivered, bewildered but not upset or unhappy. He was mostly confused.

" _You,"_ Roxas replied, tugging at Axel's wrists a little, able to make him bend forward just a bit. Axel's lips parted slightly in surprise at the response and Roxas wasted no time. He pressed his lips gently to his, enjoying the little gasp that sounded from Axel's throat. Axel's lips were soft and petite. The kiss was quick as Roxas didn't expect it to be returned, but it still felt amazing.

Roxas pulled back slightly and smiled up at him. " _You've_ been bothering me," he said lowly, letting Axel work out the implications. He dropped Axel's wrists and stepped away, amused that Axel could only stare at him in a daze. "You're cute when you're flustered," he observed with an airy laugh. This only served to fluster Axel more and his cheeks, like Xion's had earlier, now matched the color of some of the roses scattered throughout the gardens.

"I-I" Axel stuttered, unable to get his throat to work properly, incapable of forming a sentence.

Roxas chuckled again. "It's okay, you don't have to say anything." This moment was perfect and Roxas didn't want anything to ruin it. He didn't want to hear about John, or how Axel might not be able to ever see Roxas _that way_ , or anything of the sort. He just wanted to be able to lock this moment away forever. "Let's go back." He started walking in the direction they'd come from and Axel followed, still speechless. Roxas was amused, usually Axel would say anything he wanted and sometimes he never shut up.

They found Max and Xion where they'd left them, bent over some flowers, Xion gushing to him about how amazing they were. Max noticed the two reenter their area first and promptly stood up, taking note of the satisfied smirk Roxas wore and the stunned expression on Axel's face. He frowned slightly at it; surely, they hadn't actually done anything in the gardens?

"Roxas! Axel!" Xion called out to them as they made their way over. "Look," she pointed at some of the flowers around her. "They're in full bloom. Aren't they gorgeous?"

"Yeah, they are," Roxas agreed. Axel didn't say anything. Roxas grinned at Xion. "There are more of those further up the walkway. I'll take you." He turned to Axel and Max. "We'll catch you later."

Xion beamed at Max. "John, it was so nice to get to know you." Sincerity was clear in her voice much to Roxas's annoyance. "You're such a great guy. I'm so happy Axel has someone like you." Roxas rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand, pulling her away from them.

"Bye!" He called out, waving to them, wanting to get away. Xion waved, too, confused at being dragged away but not wanting to make a scene.

Max stared after them and studied Axel for a minute. "So, what happened? You look hypnotized."

Axel reached a hand to his lips, still not quite believing everything that had just happened. "He kissed me," his voice barely a whisper.

Max's jaw dropped. " _What?!_ I can't believe it! That _jerk!_ And with me just right over here. I should go shout at him or something." Max's indignant response helped pull Axel out of his daze.

"We're not actually in a relationship."

Max rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. I know that and you know that." He crossed his arms, still feeling totally insulted. "But _he_ doesn't know that!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully not too many typos and we should be out of Agrabah by the end of next chapter. I hope! 😂 Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Roxas tugged Xion away from Axel and John, anxious to inform her of what he'd done. He saw John talking to Axel but pushed aside his annoyance at the sight. Roxas couldn't very well make Axel's boyfriend disappear through sheer will though he would certainly _try._ He was sure Axel would probably leave the gardens now. At least he'd given Axel something to think about. Axel had _seen_ him now, as something more than he had before, Roxas was positive. He was finally getting his point across to him. Elation ran wild through him at the thought that Axel was finally thinking of him in a different light, in _that_ way. ** _Finally._**

"Roxas, you're hurting my hand," Xion complained, yanking her hand out of his crushing grip. She knew he was probably angry at having had to have seen Axel out with John, but there was no reason to take it out on her hand.

Roxas slowed his pace and muttered an apology. He assured her the Verawood trees were just a little further up the path. Once there he turned to her excitedly, eyes bright. "I kissed him!"

Xion stared at him for a moment, unsure how to respond. She frowned. "His boyfriend was just around the corner, Roxas. Isn't that kind of…" she wasn't sure how she'd describe it: bold, rude, reckless?

Roxas shrugged. "Who cares? I had to do something, and I don't know when I'll get another opportunity." Xion's frown deepened and Roxas felt the need to defend himself. "Xion, they're not soulmates. _I'm_ Axel's soulmate, I'm _positive_ about that. I can't just watch him be with someone else without _trying_ to do something." He folded his arms across his chest, defensive.

Xion sighed. "I talked to John and he was really nice." She bit her lip before continuing slowly, "He might be good for Axel."

"Are you saying I wouldn't be?" Roxas's tone darkened so much that a chill went down Xion's spine despite them standing in the desert heat. "Is that what you're saying?" he practically spat, feeling one of his Keyblades start to materialize out of pure anger. He'd never hurt Xion, no matter what, but his feelings were deeply hurt if this is what she thought, and he might just have to hack down one of the trees that were surrounding them. He wasn't very fond of deja vu and he was feeling it right now, remembering when he thought he might hack at the Verawood trees while trying to talk sense into Axel.

Xion was quick to shake her head. "Of course not, Roxas! You're good for him. You're why he turned against the Organization in the first place." She licked her lips and glanced away from him, hesitant to continue voicing her thoughts.

"But?" Roxas prompted, feeling his anger evaporate and turn into something he liked even less: defeat and disappointment.

Xion's frown deepened and she sucked in a breath between clenched teeth, dreading where this conversation was going. She didn't want to hurt Roxas's feelings, but she also didn't want him sabotaging a relationship, especially if it was good for Axel and something that their friend wanted. There was no guarantee that Axel would even be with Roxas if he sabotaged his and John's relationship. They could just all wind up alone. "It's just nothing has happened between you and Axel this whole time," she pointed out to him. She saw the way her friend's eyes widened and she hurried on before he could protest, "I know you've been trying to figure things out and find a way to approach him about it. But," she chose her next words very carefully, fearing his reaction if she didn't, "It never fell into place. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be…." she trailed off, thinking of how kind and easy-going John had been. "Maybe John is who he's supposed to be with."

Roxas shook his head. "No," he spat vehemently. "No, I don't accept that."

"You can't force someone to be with you, Roxas. And you can't force them to break up."

"I'm not planning any of that," Roxas explained with some exasperation in his tone. "I just want Axel to at least _know_ thatI'm here and I'm an option. I have to throw my all at him now, and he'll leave John." He noticed Xion's frown and added, "On his own, I wouldn't force it. I just can't sit around and not do anything. I have to at least try. And," Roxas exhaled and his entire body seemed to sag at his next words. "If he still wants to be with John after I've tried everything, then," and the words were like glass scratching at his throat as he pushed them out, "so be it."

"I'm sorry, Roxas, you know I'd love for you to be with him." Sympathy was present in Xion's voice and her heart twisted just thinking how much pain Roxas's heart was in.

"I know," Roxas mumbled, his energy from earlier sapped. He sighed. "I'll meet you in a couple hours. I'll text." Xion made to protest, but he shook his head. "I just want to be alone for a little bit." Xion bit her lip, not sure that was the best thing, but gave in. The two separated, agreeing to text each other to meet up for lunch.

                         * * * * * 

Max trailed behind Axel, replaying the past couple days' events through his mind. So much stuff had happened. He'd contacted Yen Sid to accept this job offer, met Axel, memorized all sorts of plans, met Axel's _friends,_ and they still hadn't even finished their mission. Axel had been unusually quiet since they'd left the gardens a couple hours earlier. Max was starting to get a little worried that he hadn't been given a pop quiz about Agrabah or the guards again. Not that he wanted to be subjected to yet another quiz, but he also didn't want his mentor too distracted. Especially not while training him on a mission that had the potential to end fatally.

"Axel?" he asked, hoping his voice might shake Axel out of his trance completely. It was so odd not hearing Axel's voice for such a long period of time. Axel stopped and looked at Max expectantly. Max realized that the taller man wasn't going to say anything without another prompt, so he ventured, "Are you okay? You've been really quiet since we left your friends."

Axel started to nod, but then shook his head, eyebrows drawn into a slight frown. "I've just been thinking. I was just really unprepared for everything that happened back there."

Tilting his head, Max frowned at this revelation. "Was it really that much? He just kissed you, right? And you guys weren't gone _that_ long. Did something else happen?"

Axel nodded his head again. "Yes, it was that much. I had no idea he felt that way." Max shot him a doubtful look and Axel sighed. "I know you said it was obvious and maybe it was in hindsight." He decidedly ignored Max when he muttered "it was," under his breath. Axel went on, "I just don't know what to do about it."

Max stared at him in surprise. He'd just assumed that they'd get together once Axel fake broke up with him. He'd been in such a daze after that kiss that Max thought maybe Roxas had broken through Axel's mental block regarding them, but he must have been wrong. "You don't want to be with him?"

Axel pursed his lips, unsure how to explain himself. "It's not that. I just…" Axel's lips moved but no words came out of them. Max watched in fascination while Axel fought some kind of inner battle and, judging by his expression, lost miserably at it.

"You just?"

Axel sighed. "I just. I don't think I can give him what he wants or needs."

Max was taken aback, he'd expected Axel to offer a lot of different excuses, including the previous age one, but he hadn't expected this. "How do you know that without asking him about it?"

"There are just some things you know," Axel said with a shrug. "You don't need someone to tell you."

"Is this about the 'love isn't for you' thing, again?" Max asked. He shook his head. Roxas was going to have a much harder time than he realized. "Are you just going to push people away because you believe that?"

"It's not just that. There's just so much…. stuff. It's too much." Axel was quiet as he recalled his earlier conversation with Roxas. He breathed in the desert air deeply, feeling like he was becoming one with it. He glanced back at Max. "He'd be better off with someone like Xion even if he doesn't realize it. They were practically made for each other."

Max's frown deepened and he shook his head. Deciding that they'd stayed in one place long enough and worried that other people might start paying them too much attention, he started walking again. This time Axel followed him, a defeated expression on his face. Max had never seen someone look so morose. "Why do you think that?" he asked, never breaking stride. He remembered what they were doing before they'd ran into Roxas and Xion and he figured it would be best if they continued their investigations. He needed to get Axel into a better mood. He'd never seen anyone lose their focus so much and so fast, not since he'd been in high school.

"They have the same background, they both...." Axel cut himself off, unsure how to explain the nature of Roxas and Xion's existence. There was no denying they had come to be in very similar fashion. Both had sprung into existence around the same time, both lacked childhoods, family, friends, or any ties before the Organization. Both had been born into the Organization. There was no denying all the commonalities between them. When Axel looked at them, they even appeared to be nothing but an attractive couple. Axel had existed before the Organization, he had a childhood, family, friends, and other ties before his life in the Organization. He'd also done things, much worse, much more immoral than either one of them. How could he even think for two seconds it would be okay to be with Roxas? Not when he deserved so much better and had the perfect partner right before him. "They just have so much more in common and Roxas…He deserves better than me."

Max didn't stop or turn around while he played Axel's words over in his mind. "Xion's better than you?" 

"Yeah," Axel said without a second thought, much to Max's surprise. He stopped again, unable to let this go.

"Axel, you can't just assume stuff like that."

"It's true."

"Okay, even if it is true, which I doubt, you can't just assume that Roxas would think the same."

"Does it matter what he thinks if it's true?"

Max tilted his head again, studying Axel closely through narrowed eyes. "Yes. It does matter what he thinks. So, what if she's better than you? If Roxas doesn't want her, does it matter?" He held a hand up. "Also, isn't Roxas into guys? So, does it really matter if she's better than you?"

Axel shrugged. He wasn't entirely sure if Roxas was just into guys. When Naminè had been around in his simulated Twilight Town, it had seemed like Roxas had a crush on her then. It might have just been age, the simulation, that Naminè seemed all knowing, or maybe Axel had just been jealous at the time without realizing it. "He had sex last night with some guy at a bar."

Puzzled, Max glanced around, not quite following Axel's sudden declaration. "Uh, well, good for him. I'm glad someone's getting some. It's been like three weeks since I last saw my girlfriend." He thought of her fondly. He thought back to Roxas kissing Axel in the gardens. "Man, what if someone's putting the moves on her right now? Roxas did that to you while I was just right there. I'm literally worlds away from her."

"She'd probably just tell them she was with you. I mean, I didn't stop Roxas because I didn't expect it and we're not actually together." He frowned. "What's your girlfriend's name, by the way? You said before it was similar to Roxas."

Max grinned; the first true smile Axel had seen from his mentee since meeting him. He must really care about this girl. "Roxanne," Max said, his smile only widening at saying her name. "She's wonderful! We met in middle school, fell out of touch, and ran into each other after college. Been dating for over a year now."

"Wow, that does sound a lot like Roxas." Axel allowed for a small smile after a minute, impressed with how happy Max was to even speak his girlfriend's name. He was proud about it, too. "She must be pretty amazing to put up with you."

"Hey!" Max bopped Axel lightly on the arm and laughed, grateful that Axel's sense of humor was showing through finally. "True, though," he conceded. "It is kind of weird how we all have 'x's in our names though. Me, you, Xion, Roxas, Roxanne," he laughed at the absurdity of it. What were the odds?

Axel laughed along with Max though his laugh was a little uneasy as he knew why his name had an x in it.

Max finally stopped laughing and looked at Axel. "Seriously, Axel, you need to have a conversation with Roxas about this. It doesn't seem like he wants to be with Xion, but with you."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right," Axel finally relented. At this point, he just wanted to stop talking about Roxas. His head was spinning when he thought about him. "I'll have a talk with him. Soon. But we need to focus. The parade starts this evening."

Max noted how Axel's voice changed. He was serious now; his tone was still light despite the words he spoke, but he had a serious demeanor about him. It was like the air around them had changed and Axel had a sense of purpose again.

Axel grinned at him. "Let's go get some new clothes. We'll have to blend in way better than this at the parade."

                       ***** 

Sitting alone at a table in one of the dives of Agrabah wasn't the best experience Xion had ever experienced in her short life. It wasn't the worst experience, either, so she figured she should count her blessings instead of curses. A server had placed food before her and a drink. Xion stabbed mindlessly at her food, unaware of the taste. She stared blankly at her gummiphone, willing Roxas to text her. It had been tense between them earlier and she still felt horribly guilty. It's not as if she didn't want Axel and Roxas to be together.

She furrowed her brow, falling deeper in thought. She did want them to be together. She was sure of it. If that's what they wanted. Sometimes the thought scared her, though, the two of them together and her left out in the cold. Who would she be with? She doubted Isa was interested in her that way and she wasn't particularly interested in him. She was interested in someone, but it felt wrong. She didn't feel comfortable confiding in Roxas about it. She worried it might weird him out. She hadn't told Axel, either. Axel had been insistent on giving Xion and Roxas space, but always dropped everything any time either of them asked him to do something. She had spoken to Naminè about it. She'd always feel comfortable speaking to her about anything. Sometimes Xion suspected that she might even have a bit of a crush on the blonde, but what could she really do about it? It's not as if she wasn't fond of Riku, too. If those two were happy, she didn't want to come in between that. This led her back to Roxas and Axel. And John. If Axel was happy with John, shouldn't Roxas give them the same courtesy she was giving Naminè and Riku?

Xion swallowed a bite of the food she didn't remember putting in her mouth. Not to mention the other person that Xion had a crush on. Roxas wouldn't be thrilled about it. Axel might be amused. Isa probably was amused as she was sure he was probably already aware of it. He seemed to be much more aware of everyone's life than anyone else.

 _Ventus._ Putting her elbows on the table, she pressed the palms of her hands into her forehead as if staving off a headache. If she could talk to Roxas about it, he might have been surprised at how much she could relate to him.

Roxas wasn't the only person worried about age. He was trying to make himself age faster and Xion was trying to slow hers down, but neither of them were capable of accomplishing that. Why wouldn't Ventus age? Did it make her creep that she liked him still? She was older than him now and Roxas was convinced Axel wouldn't be with him because of concerns about age. Not to mention these feelings about Naminè. Was it okay to like so many people? Did it matter that they were different genders? Was it strange that none of them should really be existing in the present?

Would Roxas hate her? She didn't have these feelings towards him, but she was sure it would make him feel some type of way. 

"Honey, are you okay?" A concerned voice cut through Xion's worrying thoughts.

Xion forced the brightest smile she could manage. Her server stood by her table, studying her closely. "Yes," Xion hurried to reassure her server. "I'm just waiting for a friend." Granted, Roxas still hadn't texted her so she wasn't technically waiting for him to arrive. Just for him to text.

The server was a petite woman with dyed blonde hair that reminded Xion of Naminè's and she hoped her blush wasn't too obvious. She was flattered the girl even cared enough to ask. The girl frowned and slid into a chair across the table from Xion. "Do you have some time to spare? I'm about to finish my shift." She leaned back a little. "I can tell you're from out of town and would love to give you a tour," she winked at Xion. "You know, if you're up for it."

Xion's grin stretched wide across her mouth and she nodded vigorously.

The waitress smiled kindly. "I'm Fatima."

"Nice to meet you."

                          ****

Grunting with exertion, Roxas swung his Keyblades in perfect arcs, smashing through weeds, scattering dandelions out into the wind. He'd found a small space in the garden area that was overrun by weeds. Perhaps he was just telling himself it was overrun. He couldn't imagine that anyone wouldn't be taking care to keep the whole garden area in pristine condition. He watched as some of the white fluff from the dandelions blew past his face and away from him. Sucking in a breath, he couldn't help but feel that's what Axel was doing. Just blowing past him and going away. 

Swinging Oblivion in another beautiful spiral, Roxas hit some vines, causing them to fall into the patch of dandelions he'd been slicing through. He felt the most alive when Oblivion and Oathkeeper were in his hands and he was swinging them in perfect combination. There was such fluidity and grace to it. He considered his thoughts on Axel again and wondered if this was karma. Roxas had blown right past Axel and left him to the whims of the Organization despite Axel practically begging with him not to. It had hurt Axel, but Roxas knew it'd been the right thing to do. Why hadn't he pled with Axel to join him then? He'd thought about it but didn't think anything would sway Axel's loyalty to the Organization, least of all him.

Then that _thing_ had happened. Roxas stilled his Keyblades as the memory washed over him. Sometimes he had nightmares about it even to this day. Being trapped within Sora, watching as Axel literally burst into flames, giving up his very existence. Roxas shivered remembering when Sora asked what Axel had been trying to do. Sometimes, Roxas wondered if he'd pushed Sora to ask that. Devastation wouldn't even begin to describe the feeling that had torn at Roxas at the sight of his redheaded friend smoldering into nothingness, becoming nothing more than dark wisps in the wind. Axel's answer had only intensified that feeling of beyond devastation. Roxas never wanted to experience it again. Axel had done it for him. Roxas realized he'd had no true faith in Axel up until that point. He'd been fond of Axel, sure, and considered him a friend, but it was always in the back of Roxas's mind that the Organization would always come first for Axel. He hadn't thought Axel would leave the Organization for him while, in truth, Axel had been willing to give up his very existence for Roxas. And he did.

With a shout, Roxas threw Oathkeeper into more of the vines that were facing him and called it back into his hand before it could fall to the ground. Just that memory alone had Roxas blinking back tears. Roxas had fought so hard to break the surface, to break through Sora's being, to grant Axel's dying wish, but he couldn't. He didn't know how, and Sora was just as clueless; he could only stare down in shock at the enemy turned savior.

Xion's words from earlier ran through his mind as he recalled what she'd said. He'd been so happy, having kissed Axel, only to have Xion metaphorically dump a bucket of cold water on him. She wasn't _wrong,_ but she wasn't _right,_ either. If John really did make Axel happy, then why should he invade upon that. He had to, though. In his heart, in his bones, it felt wrong not to try. Deep down, this fire he felt, he knew was reserved for Axel. That left one burning question, though, and he sighed. He stopped moving for a minute.

_Didn't Axel feel this fire, too? Didn't he have a fire reserved for Roxas?_

Roxas suspected he must. Axel had to feel it, too. Why wasn't he willing to acknowledge it? Roxas was determined to at least find that out before he left Axel and John in peace.

With another sigh, he made his Keyblades vanish from sight, knowing full well they'd reappear the second he willed them back into existence. It was such a wonderful thing to experience. He wished everyone could experience the magic of summoning a Keyblade and fighting with it. Every good person, anyway. There were some people it would probably be best to keep Keyblades away from.

He took his phone out of his pocket and his eyebrows shot up in surprise at the time. _Crap!_ He was supposed to have texted Xion long ago and met back up with her. He noticed he'd missed two texts from her and one phone call. He quickly shot off an apologetic text and asked where he should meet her. Her response surprised him. She was out with someone and wasn't sure when she'd be back at the Inn. He hoped she wasn't upset with him. He'd have to make sure they were okay later. They rarely stayed mad at each other, so he wasn't too concerned. It's not as if this would be their first disagreement. Even so, he hated it when they had little spats.

Roxas left the gardens, figuring he'd head back to the Inn and wait for her there. On his way back, he ran into that ice cream stand again. Purchasing one of the ice creams, he finished it off on his way back to the Inn. It tasted just as delicious as he thought it would, maybe even slightly better than the sea salt ice cream, not that he'd ever admit to that. He thought again of how the color was a shade similar to the setting sun.

It made him think of Axel. How he wanted to taste him or be tasted by said friend. His body ached for it. The thought stopped him short and he narrowed his eyes at the remainder of his ice cream. Didn't Axel have that ache, too? Now that he thought about it, Roxas had never seen Axel actively be with anyone until now unless he'd actually been with Isa before and they just were very private about it. Roxas frowned thoughtfully. Maybe he would approach Isa about some of this. Obviously the pair wasn't together _now_ if Axel was with this John guy. Maybe he could mine some information out of Isa and even get some…advice from him. Xion had dragged him to Agrabah, he could drag her to Radiant Garden after the parade.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally leaving Agrabah after this chapter! As always, accept my apologies for typos. Hope you enjoy!

It was easier to breathe in their new garments and Max couldn't have been happier. He and Axel both blended into the scenery much easier than before. They had gone to a store and Max would be forever amused by the antics Axel put on to get them outfits. Axel's outfit was a deep red wine color while Max's was more of a sandy tan. They were solid one pieces that fell to just above their sandaled feet. Garments adorned their shoulders as a sash or scarf might and they were embellished quite heavily with gold threading. The thread had been stitched to form an elegant pattern of paisley. Max was most grateful for the headdress that had been part of the outfit. It helped protect his head from the sun and really made it much easier to blend into the population. Their headdresses matched their outfits and Max couldn't help but feel like some type of royalty even though Axel had told him more than once that their outfits were just a couple steps above basic peasantry in this area. The day passed by fast and evening was upon them. They headed to the parade, Max feeling more nervous with every step.

Max didn't say anything as they blended into the crowd that had begun forming while anticipating the parade. He wondered if they'd see Roxas and Xion and hoped against hope they wouldn't. He wondered how long this would take; Axel made it sound like it would be fairly quick. Shivers went down his spine at how Axel spoke about it. He knew that Axel had spent the better part of a decade as part of the Organization his father had fought against. Of course, Axel probably still carried some of that with him. It was only natural to be influenced by something that had been such a large part of your life. Max cast his gaze downward, still taking care to make sure he followed his mentor through the crowd, as he dwelled on whether this was really the path he wanted to take or not. It was exciting, would give him a sense of purpose he felt he was lacking, it paid well, and he would be helping to protect the worlds like Yen Sid said. He was still wrestling with his decision and didn't know if it was even a possibility to change his mind.

Axel glanced behind him, making sure Max was still nearby. He didn't want to lose Goofy's kid in the chaos he was about to unleash on the parade. Not that he would have any qualms if Max suddenly dropped this life path, though Axel was more than ready to be finished with this "job." However, Max was so sincere and eager. He was good and Axel would hate to see this job affect him negatively. Isa, Ienzo, or any former member of the Organization would be better suited for this than Max.  _Except Roxas and Xion_ , Axel thought even though he knew he wasn't being truthful with himself. Even those two would be better suited for this.

He adjusted his headdress so not as much of his face was showing as he pushed past some of the crowd gathered at the parade. He frowned as he spotted the man they had dubbed Winters. Axel had no clue what the man's real name was; Yen Sid never revealed their true identities. Axel had hoped that maybe the target would skip the first day of the parade and they could simply enjoy the festivities, but he had to go through with the assassination now. There was no guarantee that Winters would be back the next day. He gently pushed some more bodies out of his way as he made a winding path through the crowd towards Winters, trying not to look like he was on a mission.

Max noticed Axel start to push past some of the fellow spectators. The sun was just starting to dip below the horizon, and it was still so hot even now. He wasn't sure if it was just his nerves making him even more nervous or what he suspected Axel might be planning to do. Max had also scoped out Winters and part of him had deflated a bit at the sight. Like Axel, he wanted to enjoy some of the festivities, but that didn't seem likely now.

Some people started to "ooh" and "ahh." Max glanced at what had caught their attention. The parade had started. The first float was extravagant, and Max couldn't help but wonder how the other floats could even compare. There were dancers in glitzy outfits, their fabric shimmering in the setting sun. The float itself was teeming with flowers and in the shape of giant hearts. Plenty of glitter had been used on the multi-colored hearts, too. People stood on the float, waving to the spectators. A couple people even threw out some stuff into the crowd. Max stood hypnotized by the float and waited for the next float to pass, too. It was another huge float and this time shaped like an elephant. It wasn't until someone accidentally bumped into him that he came to his senses and remembered why he was there.

 _Axel!_  Max glanced around frantically, having completely lost track of the other man. His first actual mission and he had completely lost Axel. He was just supposed to tail him and take note of how he finished things, but now he couldn't even find Axel. He scanned the crowd anxiously trying to see if he couldn't pick Winters out as he was sure if he found him, he would find Axel. Winters wasn't in the last spot he'd seen him in. Anxiety was starting to take over his senses as Max realized he had no clue where Axel was or this Winters guy.

He started to nudge his way through the crowd in the direction he'd last seen Axel go in and prayed he would run into his redheaded teacher. If only they hadn't put on these headdresses, Max would be able to easily spot out Axel's red hair in any crowd. It was hidden under the headdress and Axel was not the only person wearing red wine-colored clothing. He was tall, though, so Max tried to keep his eye out for anybody towering over everyone else. Still, Axel wasn't the only tall person around here.

Max wandered through the crowd, feeling time slow down as he desperately searched through the people to no avail. He was starting to nudge people a little more roughly than he intended as panic was setting in. One in particular didn't take too kindly to this. A hand was suddenly on Max's wrist and he was peering down at a pair of narrowed and annoyed blue eyes. Another pair of blue eyes was trained on him, though these looked less annoyed and more inquisitive than the first pair.

"John?" Xion asked when Max just gaped at her and Roxas. Roxas had grabbed Max's wrist when he'd roughly bumped into her.

Max swallowed thickly, feeling even more panicked than he had before running into these two. This was the last thing he needed right now! He needed to find Axel, not his wannabe boyfriend and bestie! Roxas was glaring up at him and Max didn't think he'd ever get used to seeing that kind of hatred aimed at him. He finally found his voice, "Xion, Roxas, hi. Sorry, didn't mean to bump into you." He shook his wrist a little, hoping that would be enough of a hint to get Roxas to let go. Roxas frowned at him before making a face and letting go of his wrist. Roxas broke eye contact with him, looking to the side, clearly not very happy with Max's company.

Xion was a bit more friendly. "Are you here with Axel, John? The parade has been a lot of fun so far! The floats are way bigger than I thought they'd be."

Max rubbed his wrist a little and glanced at Roxas who was decidedly not returning his gaze. "Yeah, but we got separated. I'm trying to find him. You haven't seen him, have you?"

Xion and Roxas exchanged a look Max couldn't read. Xion's smile returned. "No, we haven't seen him here. Do you want us to help you find him?" It was clear her next question had her nervous, but she still asked, "Do you two have a way to communicate?" Xion was hoping that she and Roxas would be able to determine whether Axel's boyfriend was from this world or not with this question. If he had a gummiphone, that meant he probably knew more about the multi-worlds and they could speak more candidly with him. If he was from this world, then they were going to have some trouble finding Axel, especially if he had changed into clothes similar to the ones that John was wearing, Xion thought.

Max could have hit himself. He brought his hand to his forehead and smacked it once in exasperation. Of course, the gummiphone. Why hadn't he used it before now? Then again, would it be wise to try texting or calling Axel when he was about to assassinate someone? He glanced back at Xion and Roxas. Xion was still waiting, patience apparent in her bright blue eyes. Roxas was still glaring at something on the ground off to the side. Max smiled sheepishly at Xion. "Yeah, of course. I didn't even think of that." Surely, Axel's friends had these gummiphones as well. He dug his gummiphone out of the folds of his clothes and held it out discreetly so only the other two could see. He knew not to wave it around per Yen Sid's instruction.

Xion's eyes got a little brighter and more accepting and Max took note. It was like he'd just informed her he was part of their secret club. Roxas's eyes turned colder and his glare angrier. "Oh, good!" Xion gushed. "You can text or call Axel with that and find him." She offered up a sympathetic smile. "But we know Axel doesn't like to use these, so we'll help you." Roxas looked ready to protest but Xion shot him a look and he promptly shut his mouth, crossing his arms over his chest. She pulled out her own gummiphone, grinning at Max the whole time. "Let's add each other to our contacts." She opened her contacts and pressed the add key. "How do you spell your name?" She knew there was a couple ways and wanted to make sure she spelled it right.

Max responded without thinking, still stressed about having lost Axel while he was supposed to have been tailing him. "M-a-x," he spelled it for her. Xion's finger hovered over her phone, poised and ready to enter but it didn't move. Roxas finally looked at him, the glare gone and honest curiosity in his eyes. Max belatedly realized his mistake.

"Oh, that's an odd way to spell John. I was thinking it would be 'J-o-h-n' or 'J-o-n.'" Xion commented as she typed in the name. "Usually, this would be pronounced as Max."

Max scrambled to cover up his idiotic mistake. He was striking out all over the place tonight. "Uh, yeah! That's, uh, my first name. John's my middle name," he offered, well aware of how lame his excuse sounded even to his own ears.

Roxas spoke up for the first time since Max had run into him and Xion. "Which name do you actually go by?" He was testing him and Max fell right for it. His eyes widened and soon he had the "deer-in-the-headlights" look as he tried to figure out what name would be best to give them.

"John. I go by John."

"How odd that you spelled out 'Max' for Xion when she asked you to spell your name if you usually go by John," Roxas said coolly. "You'd think you would have spelled 'John.'"

"I-I," Max stammered, suddenly feeling way out of his league here. It was much easier when Axel was here and did all the talking. Until this moment, Max had underappreciated just how much of a smooth talker Axel was. He could see how having that skill would help in situations like this. He wondered if that was a natural talent or a skill that could be developed. "I'm…I'm sorry," Max apologized with a defeated sigh. He didn't know what else to do. He could smooth talk better than his father, but he wasn't in league with Axel. Speaking of which, he still had no clue where that man had vanished to and now Xion wanted to assist in finding him. Max was pretty sure Axel would not be thrilled if Max invited Xion and Roxas along on their mission, but he was at a loss at how he would get out of this. He wished Axel would have given him a crash course in smooth talking in addition to everything else.

"What do you want us to call you?" Xion asked, placing a calming hand on Max's arm, sensing his unease at the situation.

"You can call me Max," he told her weakly. At this point, it would make things easier.

"How odd, Max," Roxas repeated while testing out the name. Max shuddered at how Roxas pronounced his name, almost like a warning.

"I like the name Max," Xion beamed at him. "It has an 'x' in it. Also, it's pretty neat that you could shorten your name to "ax" and Axel can shorten his name to "ax," too. It's like the two axs." Max attempted to hide his discomfort at this and avoided making eye contact with Roxas, who was bound to be steaming mad at this. Max felt a little silly as he was starting to recall high school memories and the drama that went with it while knowing that he should be tailing Axel on this highly important mission.

"Very cute," Roxas remarked dryly. Xion was quick to nudge him and Max remained quiet. Xion grabbed his gummiphone out of his hand and quickly typed her number in it before returning it to him. She opened her mouth to ask him a question but was cut off by a sudden scream. The trio whipped their heads in the direction the scream came from. It was maybe a mile away from them and deep into the crowd. More screams and shouts joined the initial one. Fear gripped Max again as he was sure what those screams were most likely about.

"We should go see what everyone is upset about," Xion suggested. Roxas nodded, but both shot Max a doubtful look.

"You should probably stay with us," Roxas said to Max reluctantly. "Just in case there's something serious or dangerous here," he clarified.

Xion nodded, pleased that Roxas was concerned about Max's well-being despite his jealousy. "Yeah, we can protect you!"

Max scratched the back of his head, oddly flattered at the pair's concern over him. "Thanks," he murmured while nodding his agreement. Guilt ate at him as he knew what they were walking into. He fell behind the two, unsure how he'd explain this to Axel. One thing was sure, if this was a graded assignment, he had surely failed.

The trio pushed past some of the crowd, heading in the direction of where the screams were coming from. It was becoming more difficult as panicked people from that area were running in the opposite direction while a few others also headed towards the shouts to see if they could help. The group caught snatches of conversation as they got closer to the source of the screams.

_Did you see that?! Someone just vanished into thin air. Ashes were suddenly in the air!_

_He turned to dust outta nowhere. This parade must be cursed._

_We better get out of here before anything else happens. How does that even happen?_

Roxas, Xion, and Max arrived at an area where the crowd had thinned out. Spectators had gathered around a couple women, on their knees on the ground, and a young man who all shared varying looks of disbelief. One of the women was sobbing and the other was clutching at her chest. The man was kneeling next to one of them, muttering empty reassurances to her. Several people milled nearby making various comments. Two people who seemed to have medical knowledge were checking the three over.

Roxas spotted a nearby bystander who didn't appear to be preoccupied like most of the others. He led Xion and Max to the man. "Excuse me, sir," Roxas called out to him as they approached. Max was impressed at how  _nice_ Roxas sounded. It was a comfort to know that the guy only sounded irritated with him due to his jealousy and it wasn't a personality quirk. The man studied the three for a minute before responding.

"Yes?" He asked, inclining his head to the side.

Roxas indicated the women and man who all liked worse for wear. "Do you know what happened here?"

The man held up his hands while shrugging. "Wasn't me. Some guy just turned to ashes suddenly. The woman with him started screaming and the other lady and her son were nearby. Everyone started freaking out. Thought there was an attacker."

The sobbing woman was within earshot. She glared at the man, "There  _was_  an attacker!" she shrieked at him. "His eyes were the color of a garden snake. He bumped into us and Amir turned to ashes." Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks as she recounted the recent memory.

 _Axel,_  Max immediately thought, and his chest tightened a bit at having learned Winters' true name. That bit of info he could have done without.

"Garden snake? Does she mean the attacker has green eyes?" Xion asked curiously. Max stiffened, relieved she wasn't addressing him but the man instead. The man offered up another shrug and stated that was his best guess.

Roxas stared at the woman for a minute, frown darkening his features and looking a bit pale. "Did you say 'Amir?'" The woman nodded pitifully. Roxas bit the bottom of his lip. Surely, that was just a common name. "What does he look like? I met an Amir last night."

Max wasn't sure what an actual heart attack felt like, but he was pretty certain he was experiencing one. Xion glanced up at him, noting his discomfort. "Are you okay, Max?"

"Just feeling a bit queasy," he admitted hoarsely. He was being honest, he thought he might throw up any second.

"Sensitive soul," Xion said warmly. "That's good."

The woman was staring at Roxas. "Yeah, he's a close friend of mine. Usually, he's at  _Elysium._  He said he met a cute foreigner there last night."

Bile rose up in Max's throat. Roxas had just lost all color in his face and it was clear he knew exactly who this  _Amir_  was. Xion was glancing between her two companions, clearly worried. The two medical people were growing more annoyed with their presence as they seemed to be upsetting the woman further.

"We should go," Xion stated quietly. "We could all use some rest."  _Especially you two._ The sun had finally set and she wasn't sure if it was safe to be out here if people were turning to ash for no apparent reason.

"But the parade," Roxas protested weakly, having trouble getting his throat to work. Disbelief colored his every feature. How could the man he'd just seen the night before be gone? It was casual but he didn't wish any ill-will on him.

Xion shook her head. "Another time." The parade had halted briefly but then continued as everyone was confused and all had been reassured a lunatic wasn't on the loose. "Let's go," she directed the other two as they were both too dazed to move on their own. They followed her wordlessly away from the parade and back towards the Inn she and Roxas were staying at. As they neared it, she glanced up at Max, ready to say something but was cut off by a familiar voice greeting them.

"Xion! Roxas! John!" Axel's voice was crystal clear and rang out through the night air as he approached the three. Relief and dread flooded through Max all at once. Axel had finally found him. Axel would find out his friends knew his name. Axel would find out about Winters being the guy Roxas had been with the previous night. Axel joined them, shooting Max an odd look mixed with both annoyance and relief. He smiled at Roxas and Xion. "I see you found John. I was worried." At the three blank stares, he shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

Roxas looked away, still trying to process the earlier information. Normally, he could appreciate how stunning Axel looked, dressed up in a flattering deep red fabric, a headdress taming his wild locks, eyes vibrant in the midst of it all. But Roxas's mind was on different things entirely.  _The color of a garden snake._  Amir had turned to ashes. Max was lying, and Axel likely knew it and was lying, too.  _The color of a garden snake._ There didn't seem to be too many natives to the area with green eyes…

Max stared at Axel for a moment, trying to convey the current level of horror he felt but Axel just quirked a brow at him, confused at his response or lack thereof.

Xion pursed her lips. "Axel, something terrible happened at the parade and Max and Roxas aren't feeling well."

Axel glanced sharply at Max at hearing Xion use his name so casually in a sentence. Xion continued, shock finally starting to show through in her voice. "Some man turned to dust. Roxas knew him."

Axel quickly looked to Roxas, stunned at this. "Are you okay, Roxas?" Axel asked. "How did you know him?"

"Met him last night," Roxas replied without looking at his friend. Max was impressed that Axel had recovered from his initial shock so easily. Roxas finally looked up at the redhead. "Axel, why did you lie about Max's name?"

Max studied the two, realizing that Roxas was trying to throw Axel off purposefully by switching the topic so rapidly. Seemed Roxas possessed a set of skills with words that Max wouldn't mind also having. Axel didn't miss a beat, having already expected the question since Xion had said his name. "I just like the name John," he glanced over at Max again, "It's your middle name." Max nodded dumbly, happy but stumped Axel had guessed his cover story so easily. He didn't even suggest that Max had been the middle name instead. Axel looked at Roxas again and shrugged. "I just like John," he repeated.

Roxas folded his arms over his chest. Max remembered seeing him do this earlier and recognized it for the defense mechanism it was. Axel really had him on the defensive lately. Roxas frowned up at Axel. "That woman said someone had been there. That the person who attacked Amir had green eyes."

Axel didn't blink. "Amir?"

"The guy turned to dust," Roxas explained. "Axel, not a lot of people around here have green eyes." There was a brief pause before he added, "It's one of your most noticeable features." Everyone was silent for a few moments, tension mounting in the air.

"What are you trying to say, Roxas?" Axel asked, offended. "That I had something to do with it? Some man randomly turning to dust?" Max watched in awe as Axel acted like he had absolutely nothing to do with it all and was even offended by Roxas's suggestion. Roxas flinched at Axel's accusatory tone; somehow it was worse than his own. Even so, he wouldn't back down.

"She said green eyes, Axel."

"So what? Just because they're rare doesn't mean I'm the only person to have them. I'm sure other people have green eyes here, it's just rare. If she were to say she saw someone with blue eyes, I wouldn't just assume you were responsible."

"Me, Xion, Naminè, Sora, Aqua, Ven, Ienzo, Terra, Demyx all have blue eyes," Roxas was quick to point out. "A lot more people have blue eyes than green eyes, Axel."

"What's your point? Don't Riku's eyes look green sometimes? Even, Olette? We can both tick off names of who has what eye color. It won't change the fact that I had  _nothing_  to do with it." Axel threw his hand out in front of him while saying  _nothing_  to emphasize his point.

Xion's heart was heavy in her chest. She didn't like it when her best friends fought. Regardless if Axel had anything to do with it or not, she believed he would have a good reason. "Axel," she interrupted their fight. "We're just shocked is all. It was a lot for everyone. I'm glad you're okay. We were worried about you when we found Max wandering around on his own." She glanced back at Max and then looked at Axel again and winked. Axel felt guilt gnaw at his gut at Xion's sincerity. Lowering her voice, she added, "Also, we found out he has a gummiphone, too. We exchanged numbers. Maybe we can all meet up for breakfast?"

Axel shot Max a quick glance and nodded. "Yeah, sounds good," he agreed, green eyes softening. He sighed and looked over at Roxas, feeling his heart sink at the hard glare his friend had fixed him with. "Roxas, I'll see you in the morning? I'm sorry about your friend…" his shoulders slumped with the words.

Roxas stared at his best friend for a moment, his own eyes softening at how defeated Axel appeared. "I'm sorry, too," he mumbled. "It's just been a long day. We could all use rest."

Axel scratched his neck and laughed lightly. "Yeah, you got that right." He looked over at Max. "We should leave these two." He glanced between Xion and Roxas. "This is your Inn, right? Or are you further away? Because we can walk you guys there." Roxas rolled his eyes at Axel's protective nature especially since of the four of them, he'd consider Max and Axel the ones that needed escorting.

"We'll be fine," Xion rushed to assure, sensing Roxas's annoyance with the offer. "Will you two be okay? How much further is your place?"

"It's not far," Axel informed her. "Just about three streets over."

"Oh!" Xion exclaimed as she realized just what Axel was referring to. "The hostel. Is that safe, Axel?" Roxas narrowed his eyes at this new information, also wondering if Axel and Max were safe at the hostel. Why wouldn't Axel just rent a hotel? Was he really that cheap? He frowned thinking there would be a certain lack of privacy there as well. While this thought brought him some joy, it also brought quite a bit of confusion. What exactly were Axel and Max even doing? The hostel was definitely not where you brought someone for a romantic getaway.

"Oh, yeah," Axel assured them with a dismissive wave of the hand. "Very safe. Besides, if it gets rough, I'm there. You know, knight in shining armor and all that."

Xion gave him one last hard look before relenting. "Right. We'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah, good night," Axel told them, relieved to finally be getting away from his two best friends. He quietly regarded Roxas for a moment, sadness sweeping over him, but he turned away, refusing to think on any of it. Not right now, not here.

Max didn't think he could possibly be anymore awkward than he'd already been, but he was stumbling through his good-byes and felt the heat rising to his face. It was as if his job was to make himself be a fool in front of Xion and Roxas. If only it were, he'd be crushing it! They parted ways, Roxas and Xion disappearing into their Inn.

Axel and Max walked in silence towards the hostel after parting with the other two. Max's nerves were on edge. He thought he might burst and wished Axel would just rip into him and get it over with. He needed to apologize for so much- he'd lost Axel, accidentally revealed his real name to Roxas and Xion, learned Winters' actual name.

Axel was pensive as they walked the streets to the hostel. The laughter that drifted from the parade was eerie and surreal. He couldn't believe it. He'd assassinated his target, Winters. Only to find out that his name was Amir. The guy Roxas had been with last night. How could this have gone over Axel's head? He knew the man frequented that bar, but how could he have known Roxas would use the same bar? What were the odds? Would Roxas kill him once he found out? Or disown him as a friend, which would pretty much be the same thing as far as Axel was concerned. Something like this… Roxas was bound to find out eventually. Axel thought about how much he had failed at keeping secrets from his best friend in the past. He hated these secrets now. He wanted out, but Yen Sid wouldn't release him, not without training Max, at least.

That was a whole other story. He stole a glance at his nervous and silent companion. Max was clearly embarrassed at having lost Axel in the crowd at the parade. Axel had realized he'd lost Max once he'd gotten within range of Amir. However, he couldn't let the opportunity pass. At the end of the day, Yen Sid wanted the mission completed.

"Axel," Max finally found the nerve to break the silence, ready to apologize profusely and beg for forgiveness. Axel cut him off before he could go further.

"Man, what a mess!" Axel exclaimed, glancing up at the dark sky, stars and a moon vibrant above them. Axel gestured with his hands, giving Max a sheepish look. "We really screwed that up. Yen Sid's not going to be happy with either one of us."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I had no idea."

Axel shook his head and waved his hand in another dismissive gesture. "We both screwed up, don't worry."

Max raised a brow. "Did you? How? Feels like I did all the screwing up."

"We're a team. Besides, I lost you in the crowd."

"No, I lost you," Max protested. "And about Roxas and Winters- Amir…"

Axel waved both his hands in front of his chest, forearms making an "x" while doing so, signaling for Max to stop talking. "We're not talking about that. I'm not talking about that. I can't." Pain flashed through Axel's eyes and he put a fisted hand to his forehead. "I can't," he muttered again.

Max was quiet again. The hostel was finally in sight. He glanced at his companion. "Do you really think Yen Sid will be mad at us?"

Axel laughed bitterly. "He definitely won't be happy."

"Will he yell at us?" Max asked, wondering what an angry Yen Sid might look like and dreading it.

"You'll see tomorrow. He won't yell, though," Axel told him. "He doesn't get angry like that. He's quieter about it. You'll know he's upset. We both will."

Max nodded as they entered the hostel, keeping his voice low. "So are we leaving tomorrow? After breakfast with Roxas and Xion?"

Axel shook his head. "We're not eating breakfast with them. I'll text them in the morning, we'll have to leave for Yen Sid's right away."

They entered their room where the beds were set up. There were three sets of bunk beds in the room, six beds in total. There were two other guests already in the room, fast asleep. There must have been one other guest as another bed had a backpack on it. That left three empty beds. There was one whole bunk empty. It wasn't the same bunk they'd slept in the night before, but at the hostel you were never guaranteed the same beds. Axel and Max both got ready for bed quietly, not wanting to wake up their fellow travelers.

Axel's mind was on Roxas the entire time he prepared for bed. He neatly folded his clothes he'd purchased that day. He'd thrown on a simple pair of pajamas for bed. Max climbed to the top bunk, which was fine with Axel. Max muttered a good night to him and Axel just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He finally let himself fall onto the bottom bunk, face down into his pillow. Normally he didn't sleep on his stomach, but he wanted to be as quiet as possible. Tears ran down his cheeks as he thought about everything that had happened that day. The tears came a little harder and faster when he recalled the last conversation with Roxas. Axel wished for his upside down tear marks that had helped him survive and even thrive in the Organization. They would help stop the tears.

Max stared into the darkness, listening to the muffled and mostly muted sobs beneath him. His chest tightened with sympathy. He had to get better at this and fast. This was likely why Yen Sid had told him about this job. It was obvious that these assignments of Yen Sid's were destroying Axel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for taking forever. Been an insane June! Hopefully I got all the typos out. Enjoy?!

Max didn't comment on Axel's appearance the next morning. He said nothing of the dark circles and puffy bags under his eyes. Said nothing of how hoarse Axel's voice was, how  _weak_  it sounded. Said nothing of how Axel was so much slower to respond than normal, like he was in some sort of trance. He reminded Axel that they were supposed to meet Xion and Roxas and that Axel needed to text them. When no one else besides Max was present, Axel pulled out the gummiphone and composed a text. Max kept his mouth shut about how the phone shook slightly in Axel's hand. After he texted with Xion a couple times, they left Agrabah to meet Yen Sid in his tower.

Axel had been absolutely right about Yen Sid. The old, wizened wizard stroked his beard while staring intensely at Axel and Max, both tense as Yen Sid recounted everything that had happened on their mission. He spoke slowly and lowly, making sure the duo was aware of just how much knowledge he had of their mission. Somehow, Max found this retelling of events to be much more humiliating than actually having participated in said events. Yen Sid was clearly upset even though he never raised his voice. Max shuddered and resolved to never make the man upset again. Yen Sid finally stopped his eerie storytelling and his tone changed. Max couldn't decide if he liked the new tone better or worse.

"Lea," Yen Sid said while looking directly at Axel. Max remembered Yen Sid had called Axel that before and, in the recesses of his mind, he could remember his father talking about the Organization. That the names had changed, there'd been a "x" and then no "x" in their name or maybe it was the other way around, Max couldn't remember, and he hadn't thought to ask before now. Yen Sid had Axel's undivided attention. "You were supposed to train Max and make sure he knew what to expect. Not lose him in a crowd, introduce him to Roxas and Xion, and allow him to learn Winters' true name. Max didn't even see you assassinate the target." The voice was reprimanding, but less condescending than when he'd been when recounting their mission in aggravating detail.

Axel's voice was tired and quiet, lacking the fire Max remembered from the last time they'd been at Yen Sid's tower. "I had no idea that Roxas and Xion would be there. And I didn't know that Roxas…." his voice trailed off and he looked even more ragged, which Max hadn't thought possible.

"That Roxas was sleeping with the enemy," Yen Sid finished for him. Axel inhaled sharply. Max shook his head. He wouldn't call a one-night stand "sleeping with the enemy." It's not like romance had been involved. Yen Sid continued, "Regardless of all that, the mission was still accomplished so thank you for that." Axel nodded, eyes downcast, defeated. Max nodded as well, though he kept his eyes trained on Yen Sid. The wizard glanced between the two of them, noting Axel's exhaustion. "You two will stay here for a few days," he informed them. Axel's head snapped up in confusion. Yen Sid continued, "You need to rest for a while. You'll train here, too," he looked at Max. "You could likely use some sparring lessons. The next couple places might be a little more dangerous for you."

Max nodded and Axel was too tired to argue. Without another word, Yen Sid escorted them to their headquarters. They followed him out of his office and through a winding staircase within the tower. Another hallway later, Yen Sid stopped before a door. "You'll be staying here for now." Yen Sid looked to Axel. "Lea, you remember where the training area is?"

Axel gave the wizard a confused look. "The timeless place?"

Yen Sid paused, then shook his head with a slight chuckle. "No, I don't think it's needed. It's not as if Maximilian will be training with a Keyblade. You'll just be showing him basic hand-to-hand combat skills with an emphasis on stealth," he explained to Axel.

Axel shot Max an amused glance at hearing his full name. Max rolled his eyes, sure he'd hear about it later. It was obvious to Max that Yen Sid was just putting on a show about training because Axel looked dead on his feet. Though, Max would be grateful to brush up on some basic self-defense strategies and for any tips especially since Axel was experienced with combat. Goofy had taught Max self-defense from an early age, so Max was curious what Axel might be able to offer in addition to what he already knew.

Yen Sid scratched his beard for a minute, contemplating saying something else, but decided against it. "Please make yourselves at home. I'll be retiring back to my headquarters now. It's been a long day already."

"Thank you, Master Yen Sid," Max politely offered while Axel stared after the retreating back of Yen Sid, unimpressed. He folded his arms across his chest, muttering to himself. Max looked at him, trying to puzzle out what he'd said. "What was that, Axel?"

Axel turned to him in surprise as if just remembering that he was with someone. "Just I'm sure it has been a long day for him is all," he said darkly.

"We should get out of the hall," Max remarked, decidedly ignoring Axel's comment, knowing how tired the other man was. He walked into the room. It was a little homier than the hostel, similar to a room Max had stayed in before while working things out with Yen Sid before meeting Axel. This room had two beds with plenty of space between them. Max wondered if Yen Sid had cast magic within the tower because it would seem a room like this wouldn't fit inside the tower, much less so randomly in a hallway. A dresser was across from the beds and an en suite bathroom, complete with a door.

The walls were a bright blue color that reminded Max of the robes Yen Sid wore. There were pink diamonds and yellow flowers that created a border just below where the walls met the ceiling. The beds had red comforters and decorative green pillows. He could glimpse the purple in the bathroom where he stood in the room. The dresser was a clean white with lime green handles. It was like paint had been splashed all about, but neatly so. It was lively. Max found it comforting.

"Well, isn't this cheery?" Axel asked dryly, taking in the room.

Laughing, Max fell onto one of the beds. "Don't you like it? The beds are definitely you with all this red and green."

"Whatever,  _Maximilian._ Pretty sure that green is meant for you," Axel shot back. Max grinned at the teasing. Someone else might have missed it and mistaken Axel's tone as hostile, but Max knew better now.

"If you say so... _Lea."_

 

_* * * 0 * * *_

Xion's gummiphone buzzed early in the morning, waking her up. She rolled over in her bed, noting the sun had risen so it couldn't have been obscenely early. In the other bed, she heard Roxas groan in protest at the noise her phone was making. She fetched her phone from the nightstand next to her. Axel had texted her and Roxas in their group chat. Roxas's phone must have been on silent or he had the bedtime settings customized to his liking. She read Axel's text.  _Can't make it to breakfast. Must leave early. Yen Sid called._ She spared Roxas a glance. He had thrown the covers over his head at the buzzing sound her phone had been making. He was bound to be even less happy when he saw this. She shot a quick text back.

 _Oh no, that bites! Is Max leaving, too then?_ She wasn't sure if she should still offer to eat breakfast with Max. Roxas would probably die if it was just them and Max without Axel. On the other hand, Xion didn't want to be rude and not be friendly to Axel's boyfriend. Axel texted back immediately.

_Yes, I'm bringing him home. I'll talk to you later!_

Xion sighed with relief and texted back a quick  _See you!_  If they didn't have to meet Axel and Max, she could go back to bed. She started to put her phone away, but noticed Roxas sitting up on his bed, reading the texts between her and Axel. She could see him visibly tense as he read the texts.

"Yen Sid again?" Roxas asked. "I should go talk to that man myself."

"Roxas," Xion said, trying to keep the warning in her tone light. "Axel probably wouldn't like that."

Roxas shook his head and put his phone away. "Maybe he would. He's always being put to work by Yen Sid.  _If_ he's even being honest," Roxas added bitterly.

"I'm sure he's telling the truth."

Roxas's brows shot up. "Are you? Because I'm not. First, we find him here, in Agrabah for a parade, then he tells us he has this boyfriend for the last, what did you say Max said? The last five months, then we find out he's lying about his boyfriend's name. Then some guy turns to dust suddenly, the woman says the attacker had green eyes, and now, after all that, Axel must rush off to Yen Sid's? He can't even eat breakfast with us?" Roxas became increasingly angry with each statement. "You don't think any of this is odd?"

Xion sighed. "Of course I think it's odd. I mean, someone you knew died at that parade." Roxas paled a bit at it being said so bluntly. He preferred just saying that Amir turned to dust. Xion went on, "And, yeah, it's a little odd that John's name is Max, but people go by their middle names all the time or are called by them. I do wish Axel would have felt like it was okay to confide in us about Max." She paused. "But Max did say he didn't want Axel to say anything. And, Roxas,  _we're_ here at Agrabah for the parade and you rarely agree to outings, so is it really  _that_  weird that maybe Axel and Max did just come here for the parade?"

"The parade is continuing through tonight, though, and they're leaving," Roxas pointed out.

"Maybe they just had to leave because Yen Sid called them like Axel said," Xion countered. She sighed again. "Besides, Roxas, what would your theory be? Why would Axel lie to us about Max, why would he kill Amir, and why would he lie to us about training with Yen Sid? How would him lying about  _everything_ make any more sense than what he's said?"

Roxas pursed his lips, thinking on her questions. He thought of Axel last night. He'd looked so handsome dressed up in the deep, almost maroon fabric and the headdress that hid his wild hair. It'd been a crime, really, to hide that hair. His eyes had stood out so much, they were stunning and brilliant, and had reminded Roxas of a cat's eyes glowing emerald in the moonlight. If Axel had been the one attacking Amir, of course his friend would have noticed his eyes, it'd be impossible not to unless one was blind. Xion was right, though,  _why_  would Axel kill Amir? It wasn't like Axel would because he'd been with Roxas. He swallowed thickly. At least, he was pretty sure Axel wouldn't have had that kind of motivation. Sure, Roxas had entertained some dark thoughts about Max, but he'd never!

Why would Axel even care about Amir? Would this still have happened if Roxas hadn't met Amir? There were just so many questions and no answers, except the ones they'd been given that Roxas didn't believe for a second. He shook his head, running a palm across his face. "I don't know, Xion. But I know he isn't being truthful. Also, if they are on a romantic getaway, why are they at the hostel? Our room would be more romantic than that."

Xion bit her bottom lip, chewing on the lower right side for a second while thinking. "That is a very good question," she finally agreed. "I have no idea why they are there. It doesn't make sense."

The anger in Roxas from earlier seemed to evaporate and he smiled sadly at Xion. "I'm really worried about Axel. None of this makes sense." Xion nodded, wordlessly, unsure what else to say. Roxas glanced around their room. He dreaded asking the next question, "Do you want to stay for the rest of the parade tonight?" He wasn't sure he had it in him to go back there, but he wouldn't refuse Xion if she wanted to stay. After all, she'd barely gotten to see any of it and it was the whole reason they'd come. To his relief, Xion shook her head.

"No, I'm good. I think we saw plenty last night." She started collecting any small items they still had out and about in the room. "You said you wanted to go to Radiant Garden and visit Isa, right?" At Roxas's nod, she grinned widely. "Careful, Roxas," she teased, "it seems like you're becoming a world traveler like the rest of us. It's been a minute since we were in Twilight Town."

"It's been a week," he pointed out, amused, though he was starting to feel a little homesick. "I think I got a few more days in me." He got up off the bed and peeked out their window. "I do wonder if we should stay here and investigate, though? I mean, it is weird that Amir just…. you know."

Xion shook her head. "No, there are no heartless that I saw, and I don't think it's in our best interests to investigate." She didn't add she'd think he'd become too involved personally. "I'll shoot Riku and Naminé a text and notify Yen Sid and King Mickey as well." She didn't comment about his look of disgust at the mention of the wizard. Roxas didn't respond and they finished packing, preparing to head off to Radiant Garden.

_* * * 0 * * *_

Intimidation crept into Roxas at the brilliance of Radiant Garden. It settled deep within the pit of his stomach the moment he stepped off the gummiship, almost blinded by the sheer vibrance of the place. Radiant Garden was this gorgeous town and he knew that Twilight Town paled in comparison even though it was beautiful in its own right. Twilight Town was much more of a working-class town with a few amazing features, such as the clock tower. Radiant Garden had clearly been made for people close to royalty or those serving royalty. There were stunning outer gardens that would give Agrabah's garden area a run for its money, just gardens in general living up to the area's namesake, and there was the breathtaking fountain court. Flowers of all colors and varieties sprang to life in every which direction and the sounds of running water from the fountain court could be heard anywhere you stood.

This was where Axel had been raised, this is what Axel had left to live in Twilight Town. A twinge of guilt shot through Roxas as he and Xion wandered through one of the gardens and stopped to enjoy the fountain court. Did Axel ever feel homesick for Radiant Garden the way Roxas was currently feeling for Twilight Town? Did Axel miss being able to hear the fountain court or see the flowers? Hadn't Isa said it before? That Radiant Garden was Axel's  _real_ home? Isa hadn't meant to upset Roxas, they'd all just been eating ice cream on the tower in Twilight Town and Isa had mentioned it half-jokingly. It had upset Roxas despite Axel insisting that Twilight Town was his home now.

Xion glanced at Roxas, noting how he'd fallen silent. He took in this area almost in awe, but she was confused. They'd been here before so it shouldn't be too shocking. "Roxas, are you okay?"

Roxas wet his lips, thinking of what to say. "Yes, this place is just so…..." He trailed off, unsure how to express its beauty. Saying it was beautiful didn't seem to do it enough justice.

"Yeah, it takes your breath away with its beauty," she stated easily. Roxas envied her way with words.

"Exactly. That's exactly what I was thinking."

"Hard to believe that Axel left this place," Xion commented quietly.

Roxas heard the longing in her voice. "Would you rather live here?" He asked with trepidation. He didn't think he could take Axel or Xion moving permanently away from Twilight Town though he was starting to feel like Axel had.

Xion grinned even while shaking her head. "No, I love Twilight Town. But this would be a nice place to visit more often," she hinted and then pointed to their left. "I texted with Isa earlier and his house isn't too far from here. Should be that way."

Roxas followed Xion. He had asked her to text Isa because he wasn't quite sure how to ask if he could drop by and ask questions about Axel. Besides, he knew that Xion had expressed interest in seeing Isa's house several times. They had never been despite the standing invitation. Isa usually visited them and Axel in Twilight Town.

It was as if there were endless flowers all arranged so nicely with the fountain court being heard in the background. It really was gorgeous. Destiny Islands was gorgeous, too, but lacked an actual bustling village whereas Radiant Garden seemed the perfect cross between vacation destination and bustling atmosphere. Not to mention the gardens and fountains lent to feeling very at peace with oneself.  Roxas was starting to regret coming here, wondering how often Axel thought of moving back here. 

"I'm so excited to finally see Isa's house," Xion gushed. Roxas nodded but didn't agree. He was dreading it. He was sure that Isa probably had some grand house that Axel stayed in frequently. Positive that Isa's house would outshine not just Axel's humble little apartment in Twilight Town, but his and Xion's, too. Xion stopped walking and Roxas nearly walked into her, he'd been so distracted by his thoughts. Radiant Garden always caused him such anxiety and he wondered if that was just because of his misgivings about Isa or if he'd carried some remnants of Ven's memories and feelings of what all had happened to him in Radiant Garden.

The house that stood before them wasn't quite as grand as Roxas had envisioned, but it was definitely more extravagant than their humble Twilight Town apartments. The house was in the middle of a neighborhood and had the same eggshell paint a lot of the other homes on the street had. The roof was a dark purple as were some of the other homes. It wasn't the huge house Roxas had imagined, but it was still much more inviting than he would have thought.

"This is Isa's house?" he asked after a minute. Xion nodded.

"Yup!" She walked towards the door with a bounce in her step. Roxas wished her cheerfulness would rub off on him, he felt very gloomy about the whole situation. Without another word, Xion knocked on the door, waiting for Isa to answer it. Roxas hoped that maybe Isa just wouldn't answer the door, maybe they'd come at a bad time, maybe Isa had gone out for groceries or forgotten they were even coming over, despite how out of character that'd be for the man. All of Roxas's hopes were crushed when the door swung open.

Isa stood in the doorway, pleased to see Xion and Roxas. Xion had texted and called him earlier that day checking to see if it was okay if they dropped in. Isa had been thrilled if a little wary. The two had never visited his house, mostly due to Roxas not wanting to leave Twilight Town often, so he'd been surprised when Xion said Roxas would be tagging along. Xion had wanted to visit for a while but didn't like going places without either Roxas or Axel. She'd never accompanied Axel, but Isa suspected that was due to Axel's visits always being very last minute and never planned. Axel had no problem going anywhere by himself.

Xion smiled up at him. "Isa, hi!"

Isa returned her smile, though his didn't quite reach his eyes the way hers did. He opened the door wider. "Come in, please," he greeted. Xion happily entered the house with Roxas in tow. Roxas nodded at Isa as he entered. Isa's smile remained, "Roxas," he said in greeting. After the two were in, he shut the door. "Would you like a tour of my house?" Xion nodded and Roxas tried to maintain an air of disinterest but was clearly wanting to see the whole house. Isa's smile finally reached his eyes.

He waved at the two to follow him. "Come on in, please." He led them through the hall and into the kitchen. It was simple and very clean. There was a mug out, the only thing not in its place. Isa opened the fridge, revealing the contents inside. There were the usual condiments and quite a bit of food. Roxas realized Isa must have liked to cook. Xion also came to this conclusion after seeing everything in the fridge.

"Isa, you like to cook?" she asked, taking note of the meat he had thawing.

He nodded. "Yeah, I enjoy cooking. We have a few good restaurants, too, but I usually just cook at my home." He resisted fidgeting any, not wanting to show any insecurities. Truth was, it was difficult to leave his home much of the time. The trips to Twilight Town took a lot out of him. Axel sometimes jokingly accused him of developing agoraphobia. If he was being honest, Isa didn't think Axel was all that wrong about it.

"That's so cozy!" Xion smiled at him, beaming proudly. "I like to eat at home, too. It's cheaper and you can get lots of leftovers." She glanced at Roxas, "But we do enjoy eating out, too. We love Little Chef's!" Roxas nodded his agreement and Isa grinned with a slight shake of his head. Amusement was in his eyes. Xion cocked her head, confused. "What?"

Isa chuckled. "And you two wonder why Lea makes assumptions about you being a couple."

Xion's face fell and Isa felt terrible. He didn't mean to upset her, but they did sound just like a couple.

Anger flared in Roxas, but he quickly tamped it down. They had come to Isa for help regarding Axel and this very issue. He should be grateful Isa was the one to bring up the subject as he'd been trying to work out how to broach this topic during their whole flight over on the gummiship.

"Do we really come across that way?" Roxas asked.

"Yes," Isa said without hesitation. "You come across very much that way," he informed the two. He waved at the kitchen door that led to the dining area. "Here's the dining room," he decided to continue with the house tour despite the awkwardness that was hanging in the air. A nice dining table was in the dining area and led right into the living room where Isa had an elegant gray couch and loveseat. There was a coffee table with books neatly stacked on it. He pointed out where the restroom was in case either had to use the bathroom.

Roxas followed Xion and Isa to the living room. He and Xion had both fallen silent after Isa informing them of just how much of a couple they seemed to others. He had exchanged a glance with Xion, but she had just shaken her head. He bit his inner cheek and chewed on it for a second, thinking of all the times Axel had hinted at them being a couple. Roxas had thought Axel was just being dense and stubborn. Axel refused to share an apartment with them. He wanted to give them space despite their protests. This whole time Roxas had just thought Axel was being clueless while, in truth, Axel had just been seeing what everyone else saw. In actuality, it was Roxas who was being dense.

That anger was back again, but now it was directed at himself. How could he be so blind? Of course, if he and Xion were doing nearly everything together, people would probably think they were more than friends. Then they shared an apartment, traveled together, often ate together, neither had a significant other. It was so obvious to him now and Roxas could have kicked himself. He wished he and Xion could claim to be twins or siblings so it would be less weird. Xion felt like family to him, like a sister, but he knew it probably didn't seem that way from the outside looking in. Somehow, it registered in his mind that Isa was speaking. He sat on the couch when Isa suggested they sit in the living room and catch up, offering the two drinks.

Xion sat by herself on the loveseat, suddenly self-conscious of her proximity to Roxas. Isa gracefully lowered himself onto the couch, a cushion between himself and Roxas. He was positioned to where he was in between the two, even if on a separate couch from Xion, and could easily speak to either of them. He noted how upset Roxas still looked after his comment about them being a couple in the kitchen. "Roxas, you don't need to be so upset about it."

Roxas sighed. "I just didn't realize. I thought Axel was just dense this whole time."

Isa smiled. "Make no mistake. He  _can_ be dense, but, in this rare instance, it's not entirely his fault. You two haven't exactly helped things."

Xion leaned forward. "Now that we know it, we can work on that," she said softly, dreading where this might lead. She didn't relish the idea of living on her own. Roxas seemed to be thinking of something else entirely, though.

Roxas didn't lean forward but leaned back instead. "Isa, have you noticed anything strange with Axel lately?" Roxas could only hold his gaze for a minute before averting it. "I know something hasn't been right with him lately…. With the trainings at Yen Sid's and…."  _his lying, his sudden boyfriend that he's had for months and never told us about, and Amir even if won't admit to it…._ He couldn't bring himself to say any of the other things, though, too nervous already. Isa made him feel so nervous, it was aggravating.

Isa crossed his legs and leaned forward, placing his chin in his hand. "Mmm, so you two noticed that, too?" he murmured, more to himself than asking the other two a question. "Something isn't right about those trainings. He keeps saying Yen Sid is training him with the Keyblade, but I know him, and I know he's lying."

Roxas and Xion both exchanged a significant look. Xion piped up, no longer fretting over her future for the time being, concern for Axel overshadowing her worries. "Has he told you anything about what he's actually doing when he goes to Yen Sid's for training?"

Isa shook his head slowly. "No," he said quietly. "No, he hasn't, but…." he hesitated, not sure if he should say anything else.

"What?" Roxas prompted, that jealousy creeping up in him again, that Isa would know something of Axel that Roxas didn't know. He knew it was ridiculous. Of course, Axel had a life outside of Roxas- had  _always_ had a life outside of Roxas. Still, sometimes it hurt because Roxas's life seemed to begin with Axel. It was Axel who had watched over him at the start of this life and been patient with him even if overdramatic at times, it was Axel who had bought him ice cream, it was Axel who had helped train him, and it was Axel who had shared information with him. It was Axel who had jumped between him and Xion and finally told them the truth of what was going on when they had all been at the mercy of the Organization.

It was Axel who had given up his life for him without any guarantee that he would ever be recompleted. Of course, it hurt when Roxas realized how much more different Axel likely viewed the world. Axel's life didn't start with Roxas the way Roxas's started with Axel. No, Axel's life didn't start with Roxas, but it seemed that it might have started with Isa. The two had known each other as small children from what Roxas had been told. Isa glanced over at Roxas, meeting his eyes and Roxas asked again, "but what?"

Isa sighed and tapped his chin for a moment, still debating how much to share. "Lea has been visiting here more since the trainings began…." he trailed off at seeing how tense Roxas became. He could guess where the blonde's mind had gone. He wasn't going to correct those thoughts, though, if Roxas didn't ask for clarification. He continued, "He sleeps here.  _Tries_  to sleep here," Isa corrected himself, "but he has nightmares. They keep him awake. It's like when we first joined the Organization, he had nightmares then, too."

Xion folded her hands in her lap and looked down. "I didn't know," she whispered, her eyes welling up with tears at the thought of her friend in pain and having nightmares to the point he didn't sleep much. "He didn't say."

Isa smiled sadly. "No, he wouldn't want to worry you."

Roxas interlocked his fingers and rested his chin on them, looking away from Isa and at the floor, refusing to look even at Xion. "But it's okay to worry you," he said, and the hurt was evident in his voice.

"Roxas, he just…" Isa trailed off again, unsure how to explain his bond with Axel. It was just that Axel felt more comfortable and less of a burden to Isa than he would to Xion and Roxas, but Isa wasn't sure how to put that into words.

"Just trusts you more," Roxas summed up.

Isa laughed at this. "No, that's definitely not it. He's just ashamed and I owe him, so he feels safe here."

"What's he have to be ashamed of?" Xion asked, glancing up at Isa.

"He's just ashamed that he's a grown man having nightmares. And I'd guess also about whatever he's lying to all of us about."

Xion nodded, a grim look on her face. "Yeah, he has a boyfriend he never told us about."

 _"_ _What?!"_ Isa was genuinely shocked. Roxas regarded his reaction carefully, still uncertain about what all had gone on between Isa and Axel. Isa was clearly surprised at this news and even in disbelief. It was the first time Roxas had seen Isa so taken aback.

"Max, we met him in Agrabah," Roxas clarified for their stunned friend.

Isa shook his head. "There's no way. He would have told me."

"He didn't tell us. Our feelings were hurt, too," Xion offered, trying to give Isa some comfort that he hadn't been the only one excluded.

Isa shook his head again. "No, that's not his boyfriend. He  _would have_   _told me._ He's lying."

Roxas cocked his head. "You think so?"

"I  _know_ so. Lea doesn't hide things from me."

Roxas frowned. "Didn't he hide stuff from you about me and Xion in the Organization?"

Isa studied Roxas for a moment. "The Organization was an unfortunate occurrence. But he never truly hid anything from me, including how he felt about things regarding the two of you.  _I_ hid things from him, and we disagreed often, but Lea was always forthright with me. And,  _before_  the Organization, he never kept any secrets from me, either."

Roxas flinched at this knowledge, disappointed that Isa didn't say otherwise, that Axel had hid secrets from him. To know that Axel felt more comfortable being vulnerable in front of Isa was almost too much to take. "You said you  _owed_ him? What did you mean by that?"

Isa uncrossed him legs and suddenly looked uncomfortable in his own home, apprehensive. "He ... never told you?" Xion and Roxas exchanged another glance and both shook their heads, unsure what Isa meant. Isa sighed. "That I was the one- the one to get us involved in the Organization."

"What?" Roxas's voice was barely more than a whisper, confused. Axel had never told them. Roxas had never asked, not wanting to bring up bad memories as Axel usually side-stepped any questions about his history in the Organization.

Xion shook her head. "Isa, he doesn't. He wouldn't blame you for any of it, you know what. That's not like Axel."

"I know," Isa acknowledged, "But I owe him. I know he's not the type to hold a grudge or take things personally. But it was my fault. And I fell to the darkness so much faster than him."

"What do you mean?" Roxas asked, trying to imagine Axel and Isa at around fifteen, a few years younger than him now. There was a far-away look in Isa's eyes, clearly not in the present, as he remembered what had transpired so many years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, flashback next chapter, how exciting (I hope!)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this chapter? I actually finished it way faster than I would have thought! Uhhh, trigger warnings- heavily implied suicide attempt and torture. Possibly more things. Read at your own risk.  
> Sadly, no Roxas or Xion this chapter, but Max and Axel should be back next chapter. And I haven't forgotten about Ventus. Oh, it will not be good when we catch up with him again. Not gonna lie, this chapter made me rather fond of Isa. Also, I didn't go into his "x" scar, that's on purpose and has nothing to do with me being an impatient, lazy slacker. Oh, and this is probably not canon compliant because, even though I've played the games and gotten all caught up, I have no freaking clue half the time. So, yes, please roll with it. And, just to be clear, this is a flashback. I'm not gonna italicize all of it because that's a pain (and when I read, it hurts my eyes when whole chapters are italicized). Hopefully all the typos are out, it was originally typed on my phone. And apologies for the longest author's note ever. Enjoy! I hope!

"Isa," Lea's voice was nothing more than a strained whisper as he tried to get his best friend's attention. "We need to go." It was dark with only the pale light of the moon streaming in through an open window- the window the two had snuck in through. The moonlight created eerie shadows in the room, the lab, they were in.

"Not yet," Isa responded, an edge to his voice. He knew they needed to leave sooner rather than later. They'd been fortunate that the guards Dilan and Aeleus had forgiven their transgressions in the past, but they'd made it clear if they stumbled upon the duo again, it would not end well for either Isa or Lea.

Isa was staring at the test subject before them. They were simply marked with a "Y" and ineligible scribbles next to the letter. It was a young boy on the cold, silver table, not much younger than Isa and Lea. Isa frowned at him. They had spoken briefly the last time Isa had snuck into the lab with Lea, in search of a different test subject. The boy had begged them to get him out; Isa had promised they'd return before Dilan and Aeleus had hauled him and Lea away.

There were several more subjects around this boy, all around similar ages, all had been moaning and more than one had pled with Isa and Lea to free them the last time they'd been here. It was silent now. Unbearably silent. Isa reached for the boy's wrist with dread, wanting to confirm his suspicions.

"Isa," Lea's voice held desperation. " _Please."_

Isa shook his head, he couldn't leave yet, not without being sure. After finding no pulse in the boy's wrist, Isa gently set the hand back down. Isa slowly moved to the next table that held a body, not quite believing this could be real. He picked up another boy's wrist and felt for a pulse he knew wouldn't be there. He had to see if the girl was here. She'd been labeled with an "X." They'd all been labeled with different letters of the alphabet.

She had seen Isa and Lea passing by one day and called out to them from the very window they'd used to sneak in. Out of all the subjects, she'd been the most healthy and active, only her feet had been chained. She hadn't been concerned at all about her circumstances, positive it was just a mistake and that they would release her soon.

Isa had returned to visit her several times after that initial visit. Then she wasn't at the window. That was when he'd recruited Lea to sneak in with him. They'd found her weakened and she'd expressed concern that something terrible had happened to the person that had been running the experiments. Both Isa and Lea had been horrified to find many others in the lab. She'd always made it sound like there was just a couple other people and that they were just ill, but some  _doctors_  were looking for a cure.

There was a gentle pressure on Isa's wrist, and he looked down at the hand that had grabbed his wrist. Lea was next to him, looking more desperate by the moment. "Isa," he hissed, pulling Isa down with him to hide between the tables, a poor cover. "Someone's here," Lea bit out in explanation. As if to confirm his statement, the door to the lab creaked open.

"Who's there?" A voice demanded. It wasn't Dilan or Aeleus. Lea's grip tightened around Isa's wrist and they exchanged a worried glance with each other. They would be seen if that person walked further in and checked the aisles between the carts with the bodies of the experiments. As they feared, heavy footsteps came further in. "I said who's there?" The voice demanded again. The footsteps stopped and the man sighed. "It will be better if I don't find you and you just state what business you have here. I know you're still here."

Isa and Lea exchanged another look, Lea shaking his head slowly, light green eyes wide, glinting in the moonlight. Isa wondered if his eyes held that same eerie quality as he and Lea's eyes were close to the same color. The footsteps started again and, before he realized that he was doing, Isa was standing up. Just a few more steps and the mystery man would have been beside them. Lea's hand fell away helplessly from Isa's wrist, his best friend's name dying in his throat.

"Oh, I see you've made the correct choice."

Lea sighed lowly and also stood up, so he was next to his best friend, facing down whoever this man was. The man had long white hair that fell past his shoulders. There was an air of authority about him that made Lea straighten up and pay attention.

The man stared at them in surprise. "Oh, there's two of you? I would have only thought one of you were here. This makes it even better. Have you an interest in our experiments here?"

Lea felt sick, bile rising in his throat at the way the man spoke of these test subjects- these _children,_  many the same age or younger than he and Isa.

Isa cleared his throat uncertainly. "Actually, Sir, yes, we were hoping to get an apprenticeship with Ansem the Wise," he tried to explain, a terrible and fake cover story, but he was hoping whoever this man was would buy it.

A strange smile played at the man's lips as he surveyed the two, clearly not believing their story, but also seeing an opportunity laid out before him. "We were thinking about getting a couple more apprentices so I don't see why anyone would be against you two joining the ranks. Especially since you've shown such an interest in our experiments that you snuck through the window, with no thought for your own safety." Lea wasn't sure, but he thought there might have been a light threat somewhere in what the man had said.

"Th-thank you," Isa stuttered, surprised at how willing the man was to overlook Isa and Lea sneaking in and let them be apprentices. Maybe they could find Subject X and help get her out!

The man clasped his hands together and gave them another look. "Yes, let me show you around and let's get you out of those regular person clothes. We'll get you an outfit to match mine and all the other apprentices," he said indicating the black coat he was wearing. "It's a fine lab coat." He paused as he waved at them to follow him. He turned and started walking towards the door of the lab. The next words out of his mouth sent chills down Lea and Isa's spines. "Just to be clear, apprentices are always willing to participate in the experimentations, too. I think you two will be perfect." He was silent for a minute. "This works in your favor, too. You won't have to be reported as criminals who break into castles."

Lea shot Isa a horrified look. Isa bit his lip. "Sir, we didn't get your name. I'm Isa and this is Lea."

The man didn't turn around and laughed a little. "Names are ... unimportant. Creates unnecessary bonds. If you must know, though," he turned to face them again. "My name is Ansem."

Isa and Lea were too stunned to say anything else, following Ansem out of the lab.

Isa finished zipping his coat up. It was solid black with the silver from the zipper and drawstrings. There was a hood. It was a bit of an odd outfit for supposed scientists, but this whole place was strange, so Isa didn't think to question it too much. He stepped out of the dressing room he'd been in. The interior of the castle was much darker than Isa had imagined. He'd always thought it would be bright and clean, but it was dark with dim lighting, much more reminiscent of a dungeon than a castle. He could hear Lea in the next dressing room, struggling to get his lab coat on.

He looked up at the decorative ceiling, wondering how they would get out of this. Would they really experiment on him and Lea? They had asked to be apprentices, but if the apprentices did agree to being part of their own experiments then what choice did they have? It wasn't as if they could leave. Ansem had hinted that they would be reported as having committed breaking and entering if they didn't agree to this. Guilt rattled Isa's nerves; he had gotten Lea into this. Lea didn't even always come along, but Isa had specifically asked for his company this time. Of all the times to drag his best friend with him.

Isa rolled his eyes as he listened to Lea mutter about the coat and his clothes.

"You're taking too long, Lea, come on."

"Oh, sorry, am I not rushing  _fast enough_  to be  _experimented_  on?!" Lea barked through the curtain sarcastically. "Let me speed things up a bit here. Did you just put the coat on over your clothes or take your clothes off? Mine keeps getting snagged."

Isa shook his head. "Just put the coat on," he said, "who cares if there's clothes under it or not?" Lea started to respond that he cared but was cut off by another voice.

"You were told to stay away from the castle countless times," a familiar voice said. Isa whirled around in surprise.

"A-aeleus!" Isa gasped, staring at the guard. Something was different. Aeleus was wearing the same coat Lea and Isa had been ordered to put on. "You're not in your guard uniform," he observed aloud. "Are you also being ... experimented on?"

Aeleus shook his head slowly at Isa. "No. You were told not to come back here. You were warned. And I'm not Aeleus."

Isa stared at him wide-eyed and confused, "What?"

"I'm Lexaeus. Aeleus doesn't work here anymore."

Isa's mouth fell open in shock. "But you are…." He shook his head. "I don't understand."

"I know," Lexaeus said grimly. "You will, though. Soon."

Lea finally stepped out of his dressing room and into the hallway, having donned his black coat as well. He glanced warily at Lexaeus, having overheard the exchange between the guard and his friend.

Lexaeus grinned at them. "Good, I'm glad you two have finally finished. Follow me," he beckoned them with his hand, and they followed him uncertainly, adjusting to their new coats. Lea tripped on his a couple of times, but Isa helped him stay upright. Isa gripped his hand reassuringly, trying to offer comfort and maybe even an apology for dragging Lea into this. Lexaeus stopped in front of a door and turned to the two of them. "Cute," he commented upon seeing their interlocked hands. "But I'm afraid only one of you gets to go through this door."

Isa and Lea exchanged a look. Lea was already shaking his head. "No, I don't want to be separated."

"Too bad," Lexaeus' voice was cold and unsympathetic to their plight. "The superior said that you were to be separated and put in two different rooms. He wants to try out something new. Especially with you two being so willing that you snuck into the castle multiple times."

Isa squeezed Lea's hand. "It'll be fine, Lea. I'll be fine, we'll both be okay."

Lea shook his head again, staring at Isa in disbelief. "Isa! You saw the other experiments! They're-they're  _dead._ That could be  _us_  next!"

"That won't happen if you have hearts that are strong enough to survive the experiments," another voice chimed in.

Lea and Isa both turned, Lea squeezing Isa's hand back, scared to let go at this point. He didn't want to be separated from his best friend. Everything inside of him was screaming they should both make a break for it and try to run as far away from the castle as possible. Another part of him knew that was impossible. They'd never be able to overpower Aeleus or Lexaeus, whoever he was. Especially if he called for backup. Lea knew there were other guards in the castle. Isa stared at the person who had just spoken to them.

"Ansem?" That didn't seem right, though. He looked  _different._

There was a sly grin on the man's face, the white hair falling forward as he let loose a chilling laugh. "My name is Xemnas. The superior that Lexaeus mentioned." It was only then that they realized Lexaeus had taken a knee in a sign of respect to Xemnas.

"What if our hearts aren't that strong?" Lea demanded of Xemnas, feeling more out of his league with each passing second.

"Then you will die just like the others that you saw," Xemnas explained simply.

"I don't want to die," Lea protested. More guilt tore at Isa.

Xemnas stared at the two for a second. "Any way you look at it, haven't you already died?" At their confused looks, he explained, "You broke in here. More than once. If we decide not to do experiments but turn you in instead, won't you have a criminal record and maybe even be locked away for some time? You might lose your life in jail. If you do the experiment, you might die. You also might survive, though. Lexaeus survived his experiment."

Lea and Isa glanced back at Lexaeus and stared at Xemnas in horror, not impressed with the changes in the guard.

"It's for the good of science," Xemnas said when it was apparent he wasn't winning the two rogue teens over with charm. With a stride forward, he grabbed Lea's shoulder, starting to pull them apart. Isa quickly grabbed each of Lea's hands, squeezing them tightly, regret and worry in his eyes as he looked at his best friend in panic.

"I'm so sorry, Lea," Isa hurried to get out while he still could, feeling Lexaeus's hand clamp down on his shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry about this," he apologized.

"It's okay," Lea tried to assure him. "It's not your fault. We'll figure it out. We'll work it out," he promised, squeezing Isa's hands back, trying to reassure him. "It'll be okay!" Their hands were slipping out of each other's as Xemnas and Lexaeus pulled them apart, Lexaeus pulling Isa through the door he'd stopped in front of.

"Lea!"

"Isa!"

* * * * * 

Isa wasn't sure how long after that it was that he lay in the lab room, listening to other experiments moan, some of them a final time. It was horrifying to be in the lab as an experiment. It was horrible just seeing the lab, but being on the lab table, strapped down, unsure what was going to happen, was agonizing. There was no sense of time, either, apart from the moon and sun. They were hardly fed. Isa thought maybe this was the sixth time he'd seen the moon, so maybe he'd been in the lab for five days and six nights? He wasn't entirely sure since he often felt dizzy. There were things in the vials near them and sometimes they were injected in his skin.

Often, he wondered about Lea. Was Lea in another lab like this? Strapped down to a table? Was he hungry? Was he moaning like some of these experiments in this room? Was he about to die like the ones who were moaning and groaning in pain? How could he ever make this right with him? A voice one day, that Isa could hear through his haze, resounded through his mind.

"The other one looks up to this one. If we get him, we'll have the other one, too."

Then there were gold eyes one night and Isa felt pain in every inch of his body. Screams filled the room and it took him the longest time to realize they were his. His hands shook and the world swirled around him. Empty. He felt empty. Someone asked if he was okay and he realized it was another experiment checking on him. Isa responded that he felt nothing, which was true.

Xemnas was before him, a strange look on his face, and Isa realized he was no longer in the lab. He was in a different room. A room full of insanely tall chairs.  _It's so white,_ he thought idly.

"We've gathered here to welcome the newest member of our Organization, VII, Saïx."

There were some mutterings. Isa glanced around and saw that Aeleus, no Lexaeus was there along with Dilan, or maybe his name had changed, too? There was someone else with bluish-gray hair, he looked even younger than himself or Lea. Isa did a sweeping glance of the room again but saw no sign of Lea. Surprised he wasn't more concerned about his friend's absence, he listened to Xemnas speak about a mission. They were looking for five other members.

Xemnas asked him to stay after he dismissed everyone else. Soon it was just the two of them in the tall, white chairs. Xemnas offered up a smile that lacked sincerity and looked almost insane, but Isa didn't think anything much about it, wondering if the same smile was reflected on his own face. "Saïx, I was concerned that we might have to find yet another vessel, it seemed like you wouldn't make it for a minute."

"I don't understand. My name…"

"Is Saïx now. Isa died during the experimentation."

" _What?!"_ Isa- no, Saïx, demanded. "But I'm here."

Xemnas shook his head. "Yes, but your heart was lost. You're like us now. A Nobody. We all have a higher mission now; Kingdom Hearts has chosen us for a higher calling. We must complete it." At seeing Saïx's confusion and horror, Xemnas expanded, "That's the only way you'll ever get your heart back. It was snatched up by the darkness. That's why you can't feel anymore."

Saïx shook his head. "But I can still feel."

"No, that's just a memory of what it was like when Isa was still alive. What you have are Isa's memories, but Isa is of this world no longer. Saïx can only remember feelings through Isa's memories. But they aren't real feelings. Us Nobodies cannot feel, not without a heart. We're just amoral beings that shouldn't exist. We don't exist. We're not who we once were and shouldn't even be speaking right now." Xemnas allowed for a long pause, letting this all sink in. "Yet here we are."

"Isa died?" Saïx repeated, trying to understand.

"Yes, he was Somebody; he had a heart. You're his Nobody because you have no heart and have no right to exist, at least not without a heart."

"Saïx," Saïx said his new name for the first time, trying it out on his tongue. "And what of Lea?"

Xemnas folded his arms and crossed his legs. "Oh, Lea died as well. But he also produced a Nobody. His name is Axel, he'll be number VIII. He just hasn't been well enough to leave his room yet."

"Can I see him?"

"Yes. Maybe you can get him out of the room."

It was later that Saïx learned that, as Isa, he'd been trapped in that lab for almost a full year, eleven months in total. He assumed that Axel, as Lea, had a similar experience.

 

* * * * * 

Lea stared at the white wall before him. There was no motivation to move. He could still hear the screams of some of the other experiments in the room he'd been in. Why was he so special that he wasn't dead? Or had he actually died like Xemnas tried to explain to him? The man had tried to drag him out of the room with a promise of meeting Saïx, whoever the hell that was. Lea wasn't sure why Xemnas thought he would even care.

Xemnas said that if Lea, or Axel, as Xemnas kept calling him, joined the Organization then he might be able to regain his heart. That Lea was dead. But why did he still feel like Lea? He had Lea's memories, why would he retain these memories? Yes, he felt detached from them, like it was just a theater and he was watching someone else's life, but they were still there. He wondered if Isa had died during experimentation. The thought weighed heavily on him, but he wasn't sure if it was him or Lea. Or if he was Lea. He was so confused by what Xemnas said. And what had they done to his mind? Part of him wondered exactly what had happened during his own experimentation. His mind felt like such a confusing place with only Xemnas holding answers. That couldn't be right, though? Hadn't Lea feared Xemnas? But now, as Axel, he trusted that man? Maybe not trust…But respected. Yes, Axel respected him. He wasn't sure why.

His door creaked open and Lea tensed, fully expecting it to be Xemnas. "I'm not interested," he drawled out, not turning to look at who had entered the room. "I'm not joining the Organization as Lea or Axel or anyone else, Xemnas, sorry."

"I'm not here to ask that."

Lea shot up and turned to stare at Saïx in shock. " _Isa!"_ He jumped out of the bed and bounded over, throwing his arms around his friend. Saïx stiffly returned the hug, unsure what else to do. Axel had changed a lot from the memories Saïx had from Isa. Axel was taller than Lea, having grown over the last year, and his hair was much longer. Lea pulled back and grinned at Saïx. "I'm so happy to see you here. Xemnas told me you died, but here you are!" Lea waved his hand excitedly in a sweeping up and down motion at Saïx. "I knew it, I knew you'd be okay."

Saïx went to respond but stopped at seeing tears start to roll down Axel's cheeks. Saïx blinked hard, not sure if he was imagining things. "Are you crying?"

Lea laughed a little through the tears. "Yeah, I'm so happy you're okay." At seeing the strange look on his best friend's face, Lea cocked his head and frowned. "You are, right? Okay?"

Saïx folded his arms across his chest. "I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not Isa. I'm Saïx, a member of the Organization."

Lea shook his head, long hair shaking back and forth with the motion. "No, no, you're Isa. You're my best friend. We came here together. They experimented on us because we broke in. Don't you remember?"

"Oh, Axel," Saïx said quietly. "Those aren't your memories. Those are Lea's and he's dead. We've never met before this moment, so we aren't best friends. Just because our Somebodies were doesn't mean we are."

Lea shook his head. "No, no, no. Isa, what did they give you to make you believe that? They were injecting stuff in me, too."

Saïx stepped closer to Axel and grabbed his hand. "My name is Saïx, and yours is Axel. There is no Isa and Lea anymore." He guided Axel's hand to his chest. "Do you feel a heartbeat?"

"No, my name is Lea and yours is Isa. This is crazy," he protested, trying to yank his hand out of Saïx's grip. "Please, Isa," he begged. Saïx simply shook his head, pressing Lea's hand more firmly to his chest.

"Do you feel one?" he repeated his question.

After a minute, Lea finally shook his head, admitting there was none. He already knew this. He'd held his own hand to his chest many times in utter disbelief that there wasn't a heart beating beneath his skin. More tears streamed down Lea's cheeks. Saïx reached a hand out to brush some away.

"You have to do something about that. You know those tears are just because you're remembering what your Somebody would have felt. They're not yours, Axel. We're not capable of those kinds of emotions." Saïx let his hand fall away, wondering if his own actions were the result of a feeling his Somebody would have had. "Tomorrow, Xemnas wants you to greet the other members of the Organization."

"I don't want to be a part of this," Lea protested. "And my name is Lea, not Axel."

"You don't have a choice if you want your heart back. And your name will always be Axel if you don't get that heart back."

"Isa, Xemnas said we're amoral without a heart. Like we do things because we're emotionless and don't have a moral compass. I don't want to be like that." Fear was evident in Lea's voice as he expressed his concerns.

"I  _told_  you that Isa is dead." Saïx's voice was deadly and Lea shivered at hearing such a cruel tone come out of best friend's mouth.

"Sorry,  _Saïx."_  The name felt like sand in his mouth and left a bad after-taste.

"Think about it, _Axel,"_  Saïx advised him. "You don't really have much of a choice."

There was no response as Saïx left the room without a further word. Saïx visited Axel again on two separate occasions the next week at Xemnas' request when Axel still refused his new name or to even leave his room. It was during his fourth visit that things took a turn for the worse.

Saïx leaned in the doorway, uncertainty weighing heavily on him. Part of him ached for this person, but he knew that was just due to his memories of Isa.

" _You're special," Xemnas said. "We all are in the Organization. We possess the memories of our Somebodies, we're not just mindless creatures with no direction like a dusk. We remember what it was like to be a whole being and we have been given a higher purpose. Those feelings you have aren't yours, they are remnants from Isa, the boy whose life was lost. But without his memories, you would just be a mindless shadow puppet."_

He had to get Axel to see the truth. The Organization needed him. They needed thirteen members in all, and it was extremely hard to find other beings that were Nobodies in the sense the Organization members were. Xemnas had stressed how important it was that thirteen members joined, or they would never get their hearts.

"Axel," he said in greeting.

"Not my name," was the immediate response. Axel was lying on the bed, facing the wall, refusing to look at Saïx, like the last three visits. "It's Lea."

"It's silly to keep up this charade, Axel. If you want to be recompleted and become Lea again, you have to leave this room."

"I am Lea," came the dull response, sounding like a broken record.

"We've been over this. You don't have a heart. Lea is dead."

At this, Axel finally came to life, sitting up in bed and fixing Saïx with a fierce glare. "Yes, I do. They've been giving me medication." He paused, his glare softening into something else. Saïx thought it might be affection but wasn't sure. Axel went on, "Isa, I think the medication is making my heart slow down so I can't feel it's beat."

Using his new powers of darkness, Saïx crossed the room in a split second, slapping Axel harshly across the face. Saïx was surprised at himself for a moment and impressed with how fast he could move-Aeleus's training sessions were paying off.

"My name is  _Saïx,"_  he said icily.

Axel held his cheek where the sting was burning into his skin. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he blinked hard to keep them at bay.

"I've not been given any medication. I'm fully awake and moving about. You already know there's nothing beating in my chest," Saïx said, voice cold as ice. "Surely, you realize who you are by now?"

"I'm not another person." The response was quiet and determined. He flinched when Saïx raised a hand again, but Saïx never did strike a second time.

Saïx's hand fell to his side at the sight of tears on his companion's face again. "Your Somebody must have been very emotional if you're still remembering emotions this strongly." With that, he left the room, trying to puzzle out why a Nobody would be able to cry. It was ridiculous. Saïx could barely recall how to cry or what would be a good enough reason  _to_  cry. Maybe Xemnas should give up on this…Axel.

Lea stared at the closed door, his hand still on his cheek, unable to stop the stream of silent tears. Isa had never hit him. But that wasn't Isa. Saïx. No. That wasn't right. Nothing made sense. What had happened to Isa during the experiment? He was so cold and cruel and kept saying Lea was Axel. Why did everyone keep saying he'd died?

Saïx had said that they were amoral. Xemnas had said that to him, too. There were other ...people...that stopped in his room to talk to him. He recognized two of their voices from the lab, but his time in the lab was so hazy. One of them had rubbed their hands almost affectionately over most of his body and Lea was pretty sure he'd heard the word "pet" muttered. It hadn't seemed sexual in nature, but he didn't feel human to that person. The other one had spoken in a detached voice, even colder sounding than Isa's new voice.

Lea worried for his morality and Isa's, too. When he thought of immoral beings or amoral- Were they the same thing? He couldn't remember the difference. He could feel himself falling. Wasn't there a storybook about this feeling he had? A girl falling down a rabbit hole and into a strange new world where nothing made sense and strange things tried to kill her? What was her name? Had Lea fallen into a rabbit hole? Was he late like the rabbit had been? Was he too late to save Isa like Saïx and Xemnas kept saying? Was he too late to save himself? Was this Axel persona truly his new life? An amoral,  _immoral_  being?

The thought conjured up hardened criminals in his mind - murderers, rapists, those with no regard for others' lives. Was that what was happening? There was no cat to speak to him in riddles unless the cat was Xemnas? Reality was blurring and Lea wasn't sure if he was in a nightmare but knew he couldn't wake up no matter how hard he pinched himself.

He flicked his wrist, still uncertain if this was reality. Sometimes fire was suddenly there and then died out while he stared at it. One time, a weapon had appeared in his hand. Was he to become a murderer with that weapon and this fire? He stared wide-eyed, trying to remember the end of the fairy-tale he'd read as a child. Did the girl ever escape the rabbit hole? Was she still there?

In a daze, he dragged himself to the adjoining bathroom in his room, unsure of what he was doing but knowing he didn't want to become like Isa, Xemnas, or like the queen in the story. He didn't want to be screaming  _off with her head_ at innocent people like the queen. Xemnas had heavily implied that his powers over darkness would be useful for killing targets, like an assassin.

* * * * * 

 

Saïx stared down at Axel. Vexen and Zexion had been doing their usual rounds and discovered him in his bathroom, a bloody mess. It made no sense, though. Nobodies didn't bleed. To confirm this, he'd cut himself and watched in wonder as only darkness seeped out of his skin.

" _It's a result of the experiment Vexen and Zexion have been testing out on Axel," Xemnas explained when questioned about it._

Isa had studied charms and spells among other magic. Saïx retained the knowledge. He had a plan. He also needed to confirm certain things Xemnas said.

Lea blinked, sensing a presence above him. He forced his eyes open, body still sore and in pain from his earlier escapade in the bathroom a few days prior. If only those two scientists hadn't found him. Maybe he'd be free from this hellhole. At seeing Saïx hover above him, something heavy settled in his chest.

"Isa," he whispered hoarsely, a lump in this throat already forming at the sight of his best friend. "Please, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be... heartless." He frowned, realizing one arm had been restrained and that Saïx was snapping a strap around his other arm. He tried to move his legs, but they had also been restrained. Where was he again? Had Saïx carried him to one of the labs? Terror was starting to take over all his senses as Saïx licked his lips, meeting Lea's eyes.

Saïx studied his fellow Nobody with intensity, fighting down the feelings he knew were remnant of Isa's personality. That was Isa; he was Saïx now and he had to make Axel see that. "You're already heartless, Axel." His voice was detached and nearly inhuman.

Lea stared up at him fearfully. "Isa, please," he pleaded, though he wasn't sure what he was pleading for. Maybe he hoped Isa would show through this Saïx persona or maybe he hoped for a quick death. It looked like Saïx was ready to kill him. Tears were falling again despite how hard he blinked.

Saïx frowned at him. "That - that has to stop. It makes me remember too many emotions that Isa experienced, and I cannot truly experience them without a heart." He reached out and touched one of the tears to confirm they were real. "You're still confusing Lea's feelings for your own."

" _What?"_ Lea gasped. "Isa…" He jerked his body, trying to move, wanting to reach out to his friend. Surely, Isa was still there underneath it all.

"I told you. My name is  _Saïx._  Isa is no longer of this world." He raised a hand, revealing a tool he held tightly in his grip. "I need you to realize this."

Lea's eyes widened at the instrument in Saïx's hand. "Wh-what is that?" He asked, jerking his body again, helplessness washing over him.  _"Isa!"_

"I have a way to make you stop crying. I've created charms but I have to mark your face with this," he explained waving the instrument around. Lea could see the needle sticking out of it, a strange purple glow illuminating it. "I also want to see if you bleed red like the others said you do."

"No, please, Isa- _Saïx,"_  Lea started to beg, realizing this wouldn't be quick, painless, or even end in his death. Saïx looked positively insane and it scared him to see a face he once trusted look so twisted. He couldn't move, only jerk slightly and stare up at Isa- _no,_  this wasn't Isa, this was Saïx. His best friend was dead. Pain seared through him when the needle met his skin.

Saïx stared in fascination as red droplets of blood formed from where he was drilling the charmed needle beneath Lea's eyes. His cries of pain didn't upset Isa as much as he thought it might. Hopefully, this would melt away the last traces of Isa. It was painful to remember and know it wasn't real. Soon, the begging beneath him was just background noise, like a ticking clock.

Halfway through marking underneath the first eye, a light seemed to vanish from Lea's eyes, and he stared up at the ceiling with an empty expression, unable to stop the groans of pain.  _Isa_  was dead,  _beyond_  dead. This person above him, drilling a needle into his skin without permission, was most definitely  _not_  Isa despite appearances. Saïx paused in his task, noting that the blood was starting to mix with darkness. Now both darkness and blood was seeping out of Axel's cheek. He watched, ignoring Axel's strangled gasps for breath- he didn't need to breathe, he was a Nobody. He only thought he needed breath.

After a second, he continued with his drill, noting that blood was no longer spilling around where the needle sunk into Axel's cheek. Only darkness formed around the needle by the time he that he finished the first mark. He moved onto the second, ignoring the ragged breaths filling the air around him. He noted with satisfaction that the tears had dried up. He wondered if he really needed to mark both eyes.

Axel met his eyes, a challenge in them. Something that had been there before no longer was. Affection. "Why stop now,  _Saïx._ You don't leave things half-way done, do you?"

A thrill of excitement ran down Saïx's spine at the challenge and the fact that Axel was suddenly on board with this. He wasn't sure how but dismissed the thought and marked underneath the second eye, noting he never saw another drop of blood. Axel was eerily silent during the second eye, unafraid to meet Saïx's eyes, looking almost... _delighted._ Saïx finished finally, admiring his handiwork. Two upside down tear drops, purple with the charm he'd cast upon the needle. They wouldn't allow any more tears.

"Hey! What have you done to my pet?" A voice was near them suddenly. Vexen. He grabbed the tattoo gun angrily out of Saïx's hand. "What did you do?"

Vexen ran a hand over the new marks on Axel's face, surprised when Axel didn't flinch.

"He doesn't bleed red anymore," Saïx informed him. "Or cry." Vexen glared angrily at him and Saïx found himself shoved out of the room, door slammed in his face.

" _We were still running experiments on him," Xemnas explained later when prompted by Saïx again about the red blood. "He still possessed part of his heart, but we weren't sure how much he'd retained."_

" _You didn't tell me this."_

" _We weren't sure if you still retained any of your heart. It's safe to say now you don't. Zexion said that Axel lost whatever remained of his heart while you marked his cheeks."_

" _I was trying to make him realize he was without a heart, but now," Saïx licked his lips, uncertain about what he'd done._

" _We need thirteen members in order for us all to get our hearts back, what you did furthered our research. That regret you think you feel isn't real. We're Nobodies, we're incapable of such a thing as regret."_

Axel remained as an experiment for Vexen for another few months before Xemnas finally saw fit to introduce him as Number VIII in the blindingly white room with towering chairs.

They didn't have an opportunity to speak they were often assigned on missions opposite each other, though Axel would occasionally grace him with a sharp grin. It was almost a year later before their missions slowed down enough that they could talk outside of the white room without an audience. Saïx suspected Xemnas had purposely kept them on different assignments due to their history.

It was aggravating, how lively Axel still seemed after everything. Almost like he still experienced emotion.

 

* * * * * 

"Hey, there," Axel greeted him in another world, far from the mansion with the white room and labs. Axel had portaled to their assigned area before him and was practically lying in wait for him. "We finally get to go on a mission together? Glad Xemnas has finally released you from…Whatever he has you doing all the time."

"I'm on missions, too," Saïx protested.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, uh-huh, sure. Somehow, I'm the one sent out with everyone, then sent out all alone, with  _lists_ of names to," he used his fingers as air quotes, " _take care of._ Meanwhile, you're always at the castle, studying under Xemnas's tutelage. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that Xemnas has the hots for you," he nudged Saïx's elbow with a wink.

Saïx had the nerve to be insulted and stared at Axel, a cross between wonder and annoyance in his expression. It was amazing that words just rolled right off Axel's tongue with no thought about the consequences. Axel even appeared to be amused. He was always like that; amused by the going-ons around him and anxious to challenge any authority. Saïx frowned at him. Axel sighed and rolled his eyes again.

"Lighten up, Saïx, it was just a joke," Axel's voice was tight and Saïx wasn't sure if Axel had just been joking or not. It was hard to tell. It was so hard to read him now. Much different than the crying mess from a little over a year ago. Now he was sarcastic, more sarcastic than Saïx could recall him being even from the memories he had of Isa. Axel waited a minute for a response, and when he got none, he sighed as if dealing with an annoying child. "Did they destroy your sense of humor already? Or have you always been this way?"

Saïx did a double take, unsure if he'd heard correctly. "What do you mean? You would know…."

Axel tilted his head, green eyes narrowing at him. "Would I? I just met you recently,  _Saïx,_  I'm afraid I know very little about you except for this." He used both of his index fingers to press against each of the purple upside-down tear marks beneath his eyes and then arced them away until they were pointing towards Saïx. "I'm afraid  _this_  is all we really know of each other, right?"

Saïx looked away, an odd feeling of shame suddenly burning brightly through him, worried that Axel might see how red his face was. "I've always been this way," he muttered darkly. That shame was just a memory of what shame felt like- it wasn't real. None of this was real. His feelings weren't real. Another part of him wondered if they were chasing after a weakness: if they regained hearts, would this shame become real? Was that worth a heart?

There was a hand on his shoulder. "Whoa, there, Superior Junior, why so serious? Keep staring that hard at the ground, you might set it afire." There was another sharp grin on Axel's lip, green eyes dancing with amusement at how flustered Saïx looked. "You know, I  _can_  start a fire. We can watch this whole world burn."

Saïx finally found his voice again. "How are you so…...?" It was amazing how Axel had quickly adjusted to his role after Xemnas had introduced him. Saïx wondered if Vexen and Zexion had given him something else in those three months after Saïx had ruined their original project. It was like watching an actor or singer take a stage and have complete control over the audience, Axel's presence and demeanor was so bright and demanding. It was unfair, Saïx wanted that.

"Me?" Axel asked with a bit of exaggerated swagger and Saïx simply raised his brows, waiting for an explanation. "I embrace what I am, Saïx, maybe you should try it sometime? After all, you were in a hurry to make sure I couldn't even  _remember_  certain feelings." He tapped his cheeks again, Saïx felt his stomach drop, but knew it was just a memory of what that was like. Axel raised his brows when Saïx remained quiet. He laughed, a strange sound in his throat to Saïx. Isa's memories of Lea didn't contain such a cold laugh, but this laughter was frigid- Saïx could feel the chill in the air. For the first time, he realized that maybe Axel was much more dangerous than he'd been giving him credit for. Maybe part of the reason Xemnas kept Axel on missions so much was in effort to keep Axel's mind occupied, lest he decide to snap and kill them all in the castle.

Axel was speaking again and the odd combination of mirth and coldness disturbed Saïx to the core. "Wow, Saïx, maybe you should make some charms for yourself. I'll happily hold you down and drill them under your eyes." He stared out at the horizon, watching as the sun set. After another second passed, he added with more amusement, "you look like you're about to cry."

Axel stepped closer so he was in front of Saïx. "But we can't cry or feel, right? We're just darkness manifested into these shells of what used to be a living being. You know, according to Xemnas and all those other super science-y people. We just lucked out that we were able to have these memories from the one who lived in these bodies before us. Right?" More silence and Axel threw his hands up in the air. "It's like I'm talking to myself here. Anybody home there, chief? I hope you know you're the one running the mission as you have all the intel for whatever reason."

Saïx finally looked up and met Axel's gaze head-on. "Is it?" he asked with sincerity. He didn't like looking at Axel's face too long, remembering when he'd put those marks on it. Right now, he refused to look away, memories, fake or real, be damned.

"Yeah, it  _is_ like I'm talking to myself," Axel confirmed easily, actually looking confused at why Saïx was so being so grave about it. "As much as I enjoy my own company, it'd be nice to get more response from you. Ya know, so I know you haven't become on level with a dusk. Between me and you," he leaned in closer to Saïx, "Xemnas always says I'm pretty close to it."

"No, you fool," Saïx said pushing Axel out of his personal space. "I mean, is it luck- did we luck out having these memories?"

Axel crossed his arms over his chest, unamused, finally looking serious. Saïx wasn't sure he'd seen him look like this in the past year. Maybe Axel looked this serious on missions, but this was the first Saïx was seeing of it. Axel fixed him with a hard stare. "Look, I know you're not fond of me, but I can't do anything about your memories that have  _my_  face and voice in them any more than I can rid myself of the memories that have  _your_ face and voice in  _my_ mind." The bitterness in his tone was palpable. That couldn't be right, though. They weren't capable of these emotions. These deep feelings, Axel had to be remembering how Lea experienced emotion.

Saïx had no words and swallowed thickly, a strange feeling coming over him again when he looked at the charms he'd forced onto his colleague. "The person… the soul that was in that body before was strong- he held on for a long time and was very emotional."

Axel sneered at him for a minute, eyes betraying disbelief at Saïx's words. "Yes, well, he's dead and gone. I'm sure you remember when." Saïx couldn't bring himself to look at the purple marks again. He wasn't sure why he couldn't. What was this sentimental feeling? Why did it wash over him and left him dizzy, desperate to make the world stop spinning. Axel just stared at him, unimpressed and slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry," Saïx apologized, unable to understand where this urge to beg for forgiveness was coming from. "I didn't know. I didn't…" Was he even actually sorry?

"Are you?" Axel asked skeptically, echoing Saïx's own thoughts. "Nobodies don't experience regret or remorse or any of that. Besides, you  _enjoyed_  it, didn't you? You liked hearing who I once was beg for mercy, didn't you?"

Saïx shook his head, trying to deny it, but knowing Axel had him. "We can't feel. It's just memories of what those feelings were like from the-" Axel cut him off as he lamely recited all he'd been told over the last year and a half.

"Time when a true soul lived in our bodies. Yeah, yeah, I know." Axel waved his hand in front of his face in distaste. "A bunch of bs, if you ask me. I like having the memory of the  _feeling_  of  _fun._  Don't you? Otherwise we are just mindless dusks running around, what's the point of us even having memories if we can't use them?"

"Are you upset that those marks suppress certain feelings?"

"You mean memories of certain feelings?" Axel corrected him and then shook his head. "Nah, I'm good. They really help me get my missions accomplished. Are you ever upset that your eyes are gold instead of green like before?"

Saïx stared at him in surprise, gold eyes widening at the fact Axel would even mention it. "No, I'm good," he lied.

"Just to make sure," Axel went on airily, unaware or uncaring of Saïx's lie. "How long do these charms last? Are they permanent, does the spell fade away at some point? I've been wanting to ask, but this is the first opportunity I've had. I know I can't cry with these."

Saïx glanced around, uncertain he was hearing correctly. "Have you  _wanted_ to cry lately? You know those feelings are not real?" When Axel remained quiet, he went on. "No, they don't fade. Feelings that are strong enough to cause tears can't be felt unless…"

"Unless?"

"Unless you were to regain a heart," Saïx finished quietly.

"Oh, right, the purpose of the Organization and all." Axel lazily shot some flames from his hands, burning a few nearby bushes without a care in the world. "Don't think I want one."

"I do." Saïx's admission was quiet and he felt that shame burn through his features again.  _It's just the remnants of Isa and the fact he was friends with Axel and what I did to him. I'm just darkness that manifested in this body, remember, don't let the feelings confuse you. We're **not**  human._

Axel licked his lips, grinning like the Cheshire Cat himself had fallen into this world, studying Isa for a minute before making any kind of response. He summoned his chakrams to his side, flames dancing all around him. "So be it," he declared. "You want a heart? Let's get you one. You helped me with the charms and made it more fun to be this way." Saïx started to protest in disbelief, but Axel spoke over him. "And the person whose memories I have knew who you used to be and seemed to think highly of you."

"You don't think Xemnas will give us hearts?"

Axel laughed so hard he nearly snorted. "Of course he's not giving us hearts. Do you think he is?"

Saïx had hoped Axel would say otherwise, but this just confirmed his suspicions. "Our former selves were good friends. I know we're not capable of that, but we are capable of alliances."

"Yeah, yeah, this is getting boring. We're supposed to be dragging this new guy to the Headquarters, remember? Supposedly our Number IX?"

Saïx nodded, pleased with how this mission was turning out. Axel was on his side. At least, he thought he was. He couldn't be sure. "Right. His attacks are water based, so you should be careful of him."

Axel burst into more laughter at this and Saïx found himself envying that Axel was so at ease, not at all like the mess he'd encountered when they'd first been borne into the Organization. Axel's eyes looked wild as he grinned at Saïx. "Oh, you think I'm just fire. Didn't you hear? I'm the wind of the flame. I control the wind and even water bows to the qualms of the wind." He ran ahead of Saïx a little ways. "Hear that water boy, we're coming after you!"

 

* * * * * 

Of course, Demyx had hardly put up a fight, seemingly beyond thrilled at being recruited. His personality quirks complemented Axel's well, too well. One day, Saïx entered the common area of the mansion and overheard part of a conversation the two were having.

"By the way, I know I've said before that those tats you have are cool. Do you think I should get a pair, too?"

Axel smiled. "A pair of what exactly? Because if you're asking me if you should grow a pair, the answer is yes."

"The tats under your eyes, moron. Where exactly did you get them again?"

"I told you- a friend that wanted to help me have fun here before we turn to dusks."

Demyx shook his head. "I'm not turning into a dusk. Cool friend, though. Do I know him or her?"

Axel frowned. "We don't have friends here, remember? No hearts and all that." Saïx placed a hand on his chest, wondering why when Axel said stuff like that, there was a sharp pain there. It had to be his imagination. The parts of Isa he still couldn't truly rid himself of.

"Oh?" Demyx asked, pretending to tune his sitar. He pursed his lips and looked at Axel. "But I thought that's what we were?"

Axel's eyes widened at the implication. "We can't be. We're Nobodies. We're just manifestations of darkness that lucked into a dying body and held onto some memories so we could play pretend at humanity."

Demyx studied Axel intently and his sitar suddenly vanished, Axel squirming slightly under his gaze. Saïx stood in the adjoining room, listening closely to whatever Demyx had to say, wondering if he was onto something. Demyx was so lazy and whiny, but Saïx suspected he knew more than he let on. "Did they drill that into your head or something? You and Saïx sound exactly the same. Do you actually believe all that mumbo-jumbo? Did it ever occur to you that maybe the feelings you have are just that-  _your feelings?"_

"Yes, I had considered that," Axel said harshly as he stood up suddenly. "And realized they weren't mine, just a false feeling that I created from borrowed memories." Demyx stared after him wondering if Axel knew how wistful his green eyes turned when he spoke about memories and feelings.

Axel and Saïx maintained their odd alliance, Axel finding a thrill in their attempt to undermine Xemnas, their superior. It was so fitting, after all, their Somebodies had died trying to figure things out and in a failed attempt to set a lab experiment free. It was a couple years after they found Demyx that Luxord joined their ranks. Then a few more years before they were able to recruit both Marluxia and Larxene at almost the same time. It was less than two years later that they found their thirteenth member.

Their odd alliance had always seemed fragile, but it quickly frayed and split apart at the seams; the memories of feelings their former selves had were not enough to keep it together. Even the purple charms that had been placed on Axel's cheeks couldn't stop the emotion that the Organization's Thirteenth member introduced. Saïx knew that was when he was falling apart, too, desperation driving his every move. He felt like he'd lost Axel just as Isa had lost Lea all those years before. Just as Subject X had vanished. If he had a heart, maybe Axel would remember the friendship between Isa and Lea and how they had started this journey together. Maybe Axel wouldn't leave Saïx to be by his lonesome in the Organization.

Saïx recognized his selfishness because, after all, wasn't it his own fault that Axel was Axel and not Lea? What Saïx wouldn't give to be Isa again or to give this body back to the one that was Isa. Saïx couldn't follow the plot anymore, he'd lost the thread long ago, and just knew he hated that Axel seemed to come to life around Roxas and that doll. That Axel spoke of them tenderly, with a concern that should have been impossible for a Nobody to possess.

It reminded him of how Axel had been before he'd drilled those marks underneath his eyes. Was it that he'd been Isa all this time and just completely heartless? Even people with hearts could be called heartless. If only Saïx could get his heart back, maybe all would be forgiven. Maybe it was too much to hope for...


End file.
